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It’s been a while since we heard from the Happy Endings gang, but don’t worry, the cast got together — in character — for a Zoom chat on Monday to catch us up on how they’ve been coping during the “pandemmy,” as Penny (Casey Wilson) calls it. Everybody fared differently on the sooks to ahmazing scale, and a few even had huge surprises to reveal.

Penny appeared to have a super cyuht life with her doctor boyfriend (Wilson's real-life husband, Happy Endings creator David Caspe, made a cameo in Penny's picture frames). Max (Adam Pally) was “outhouse sitting” and eating only weed-based foods, including a steak he been dubbed “the Kobe beef of Jamaica.”

Jane (Eliza Coupe), to no one’s surprise, was thriving during COVID-19. The eldest Kerkovich sister has been running the simulations since grade school and ‘grams all of her coronavirus hacks (a.k.a. “cuacks”).

Brad (Damon Wayans Jr.) claimed he was stuck in a hotel in Florida following his business trip, but we soon learn he was hiding something. But still, fans will be happy to know he and Jane haven't stopped calling each other “byeb.”

In other unsurprising news, Alex (Elisha Cuthbert) is a COVID-19 denier, a terrible DJ, and oh yeah, she has a baby now. Watch the full reunion to see who the father could be… draaaaama. 

The gang had a tough time connecting with Dave (Zachary Knighton), but he eventually showed up having just left a tech-free retreat in Joshua Tree. Since he removed himself from social media, Dave had no idea about the pandemic — meaning the name of his upcoming restaurant, Covid 19, was an unfortunate coincidence.

Penny gathered the group to announce she was marrying her beau, but just when we thought her cursed love life would come to an end, things went south… and yes, Penny Aziz Hartz did bust out a wedding dress under her jacket. Did you expect it any other way? Watch the full reunion to see just how much Penny has lost her marbles.

And in classic Happy Endings fashion, the characters were slinging zingers throughout their chat. Here are some of our favorite lines from the reunion:

PENNY (about Max’s eating habits): You better slow down buddy, because you look like you’ve already gained the COVID-25, and I would’ve said COVID-19 but that joke was played and you’re much fatter than that.

MAX (about Penny getting a Twin Towers-inspired wax): What better way to honor our fallen heroes than the oft-overlooked 19th anniversary, by giving yourself double landing strips? // PENNY: The douby-lando, that’s what I said.

BRAD: Penny, I get all this from Alex. I mean, she even looks like Tomi Lahren. Am I saying her name white?

PENNY: I did a ton of research on [coronavirus] when I was writing my one-woman show, Pandemic of the Heart. You remember, Time Out Chicago called it “long.”

DAVE (about his retreat): I became fast friends with Jared Leto, Kony 2012, and the Toms (shoes, toothpaste, MySpace). We were a quintet of energy that can only be described as aromatic. At night, we sipped kombucha from the finest stuff on Earth. // ALEX: Snapple?

DAVE (finding out about COVID-19): Well, have they found a vaccine, or at the very least, has there been a group of celebrities that have gotten together to sing “Imagine”?

PENNY (about her wedding date): June 28 was the earliest date that made sense with my astrological chart, the terms of my mom’s parole, and the advice of a Zoltar fortune teller machine that I consulted.

ALEX: For the bachelorette party, I’m thinking like 25 gals in a tiny escape room. And no big deal, but I do hold the record for the most escape room hosts asking me if I understood the concept.

MAX (after Alex supports Dave’s new restaurant): Your choice is to die at a restaurant Jonathan Gold called “the best part of being dead”?

JANE: It’s not just a plain cup. It’s a Busy Philipps cup, from the Busy Philipps collection, Fill Ups by Busy Philipps. // BRAD: Or maybe, the Tampa Bay Ritz is also a fan of Cougar Town and that whole ABC comedy lineup that got moved around to death.

MAX: Help, I am so high. I’ve seen Jane as a monster, exactly like when Charlize played that monster in that movie, Bombshell.

PENNY: Guys, is it too crazy if I break my leg to Trojan horse my way into the ER so I can break up sex with my dr with a 15-year-old Trojan from when I did their PR? Just one broken femur plus one broken condom is the perfect recipe to cure any fiancé waffling because who would leggo my preggo?

PENNY (to Max): You’re a hunky gay-slash-chunky gay depending on your salt intake. // DAVE: You do yoyo between both Mark Ruffalos in that HBO show that nobody’s watching.

DAVE: You know, we could do this wedding right now. I am an ordained minister of the Church of Latter-day Boondock Saints.

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Happy Endings
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