It's time for Vin Diesel to finally host Saturday Night Live — and be the musical guest
It's time for Lorne Michaels to "Feel Like I Do."
[Ducks to avoid all of the things being thrown at me right now]
Okay, ready to hear why?
SNL is in the middle of five consecutive pre-election shows, with Issa Rae and Justin Bieber set as the upcoming host and musical guest duo. As of now, no announcement has been made for the Oct. 24 and 31 episodes. The days of bringing in people the week of them having a project released is out the window in this pandemic-world, allowing Michaels and company to be creative with their choices. A prime example is comedian Bill Burr, who proved to be a lightning rod when he just hosted. It seems unlikely that Diesel would also come in with a controversial standup routine for his monologue, but, honestly, you can't put it past this renaissance man.
Now let's get specifically into Diesel's credentials. First off, he's never hosted before, which is insane, considering he's the face of a franchise that has made $5 billion worldwide at the box office and is in the same corporate family as NBC and SNL. Diesel's Fast frenemy Dwayne Johnson is a member of the Five-Timers Club, and yes, Johnson has maybe a slightly more traditional charisma, but who doesn't love a lovable weirdo getting a chance on that legendary stage?
And, also, who doesn't love a redemption story? While Diesel may have never hosted SNL, he's "appeared" many times. He's been a bit of a punching bag on the show over the years, whether it was Horatio Sanz playing him, Jason Sudeikis essentially playing him as Dick Fuel, and the Weekend Update guys repeatedly mocking him, including as recently as on the season premiere. Come on, just imagine Diesel up on the Update desk confronting Colin Jost. Or imagine Diesel subbing for Alec Baldwin as Donald Trump (it couldn't be any worse, right?). Or imagine an edition of Celebrity Family Feud with Diesel as The Rock. Or imagine a Dungeons & Dragons sketch with diehard player Diesel. With all this free gold being given out, the writers will probably have the easiest prep week of their careers.
But the best reason has been saved for last. Fast 9 was recently pushed to Memorial Day 2021, but Diesel does actually have something to plug. Last month, Diesel, who has long shared his love of singing (never forget his rendition of Rihanna's "Stay"), dropped his debut single "Feel Like I Do." And I'm happy to report that it's a must-listen. Don't believe me? Well, here was John Oliver's recent review on Last Week Tonight: "Is Vin Diesel a British sausage producer? Because the man makes bangers." Spot the lie. And we aren't the only ones who think so, as the track has made its way onto the Billboard charts and earned more than one million streams in its first week of release.
The illustrious list of performers to serve as both host and musical guest on SNL includes Mick Jagger, Taylor Swift, Diesel's Fast costar Ludacris, and Lady Gaga (and somehow Deion Sanders). But have any of them starred in a nine-film blockbuster franchise, stolen the show in some of the MCU's most popular installments, and led a superhero movie that was released the last weekend before the theaters and world shutdown. I mean, I haven't checked for sure, but those stats are so specific that I'd guess not. And if you're worried that Diesel only has one song to sing when the musical guest gets two performances, don't worry, because he's ready to make us all cry by performing the record-breaking Fast goodbye to Paul Walker, "See You Again."
Plus, the man knows how to entertain a crowd. Just look at the reaction on The Kelly Clarkson Show when "Feel Like I Do" was unveiled. As Will Ferrell said in Blades of Glory, "It gets the people going!"
So, do the right thing, Lorne, and let the rest of the world feel like Kelly Clarkson's audience do.
In saying that, I would like to mentally prepare the cast and team at SNL that it's likely Diesel will show up with a full entourage, demand to write all of the sketches, and stay in his dressing room past the 11:30 p.m. call time. But, trust me, it will be worth it.