The Bachelorette recap: The itch to switch
George Costanza said it couldn't be done. But this week on The Bachelorette, Logan — the 26-year-old videographer with the punchable face — made the switch from Team Rachel to Team Gabby. As you can imagine, rose lovers, it made quite a stir.
The Bachelorettes and their men have said au revoir to France and salut to Bruges, Belgium. The day is supposed to start off with a group date for Rachel, who is ready for a "fresh start" after all the "rejection" of the past few weeks. "I feel really confident in the guys that are here for me," she says.
That's a shame. Little does Rachel know that when the group date names are announced — Tino, Zach, Meatball, Ethan, Tyler, and Logan — one of the guys has "mixed feelings," and not because he didn't get the one-on-one.
"Before this group date takes off, I need to talk to Rachel," says Logan. "I need to tell her I can't go, and I need to tell her why. I have no clue how she's going to react." Dude, have you met Rachel? Of course you know how she's gonna react! Ugh, let's just get this over with.
Logan informs Rachel that while he enjoyed his time with her on the first group date, he felt a stronger "connection" to Gabby that night and was hoping she'd give him a rose. That feeling has never gone away, says Logan, adding that after hearing his name on the group date card today he could no longer deny that he has "feelings for Gabby." And for those reasons, he's out. Ooof. Rachel, how you doing over there, girl?
"You accepted so many roses from me," she marvels. "I appreciate you telling me — I just wish it would have been earlier." Logan tries to soften the blow by rambling about how great she is, but Rachel cuts him off. "You don't have to keep going. I get it," she says coolly, before showing him the door.
As soon as Logan is gone, Rachel breaks down. "Something's clearly wrong with me," she sobs. "This is supposed to be, like, my time to, like, find someone, and everyone's rejected me week after week after week."
Poor Rachel. She's not in the headspace to realize it now, but I hope someday she understands that none of this really has anything to do with her. Especially with Logan — this guy's an asshat who will do whatever it takes to get more camera time, and she's just collateral damage.
Anyhoo, the Team Rachel guys are blissfully unaware of this drama. The group date dudes are having a grand old time hanging out in downtown Bruges while waiting for their Bachelorette to arrive. Right now, they're watching two dudes wrestle each other in what appears to be a vat of chocolate.
The lady on the left looks like she regrets her decision to stand in the splash zone while wearing an all-white ensemble.
Back in her cabin, Rachel is still a wreck. "This is two weeks before hometowns!" she says through her tears. "I should have at least seven guys who want to be here for me, and I don't." It's truly shocking — we're only two weeks from hometown dates? I feel like this whole "journey" just started!
But I digress. Jesse Palmer has just shown up at Rachel's room to find out how she wants to proceed with the day. "I feel like I'm, like, failing in the role of the Bachelorette," she says weepily. The host (and former Bachelor) assures her that it's impossible to be the "perfect Bachelorette," and that all she can do is be herself and follow her intuition. Right now, Rachel's intuition is telling her one thing: Stay home and have a good cry. So, Palmer leaves and breaks the news to the guys.
The host informs the guys that Rachel does plan to show up for the "after-party" that night, before sending them back to the ship. "I'm feeling really disappointed," sighs Tyler. "I'm really bummed," adds Tino, and Zach agrees that it's "very frustrating." Logan better hope that Gabby lets him join her team, because if Rachel's guys find out he's the reason she canceled their date, he may have to stage his own death.
Welp, rose lovers, here goes nothing! Logan heads to Gabby's cabin and attempts to pull a reverse Mesnick.
Logan tells Gabby that he was "on fire" for her from the first group date, and that those feelings haven't gone away. He admits that Rachel was "frustrated" when he broke the bad news, and he doesn't blame her. Gabby doesn't seem too shocked. "You were pretty much our only overlap in the beginning," she says, adding that she "backed away" from him after the group date because Rachel was interested, too.
Still, she's not ready to welcome Logan back into the fold. "I just want to check in with Rachel," she says. "I want to always, always, always put my friends first." Amen to that, sister!
Gabby immediately heads over to Rachel's cabin to get the lowdown on how her bestie is feeling after this blindside.
"I get he's following his heart, but I'm like, 'How many roses were you going to take before you were going to, like, jump?'" muses Rachel. "Of course, he had to do that before the date." Gabby is shocked — shocked! — to learn that Rachel canceled the group date because she was so upset about Logan's bombshell.
"Logan just came in and dumped me for another Bachelorette," explains Rachel. "This is humiliating. Humiliating." And yet… Rachel doesn't want to stop Gabby from dating Logan if she's interested in him: "I don't want you to be thinking about me so much that — if there genuinely could be something there — that you lose them."
Rose lovers, was I the only one who thought Gabby was going to say something along the lines of, "Hell no, I'm not going to date that creep after how he treated you"? I'll admit, I was truly surprised (and a little bummed) when she told Rachel that she still wanted to "explore it more" with him. Maybe she figures that since Rachel gave Hayden one more chance after he called her "rough around the edges," she can give Logan another shot? I dunno.
That said, Gabby wants Rachel to know that she is worthy of love and that the guys in her group are crazy about her. The Bachelorettes end with hugs and mutual "I love yous," but deep down, Rachel is worried for her friend: "I just don't think Logan is trustworthy." That's because HE IS NOT.
Onward to the second half of the group date! The first thing Rachel does is fill the guys in about the Logan drama. "If you guys don't want to be here, like, you do not have to be," Rachel continues. "If anyone has any concerns or wants to leave, obviously let me know. I'd rather know now."
Immediately, the guys jump in to protest. Of course, we want to stay! they declare in unison. You are everything we look for in a partner. Just kidding: THE DOOFUSES JUST SIT THERE AND STARE AT HER IN SILENCE. (God, I really hope that was just creative editing.)
At least some of the men do a better job consoling Rachel during their one-on-one chats. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that," says Ethan. "I want to make you smile, and I want to make you happy." Then they smooch. Meatball assures Rachel that all of the guys really missed walking around Bruges with her, and Tyler takes her to some kind of funhouse mirror closet for a makeout sesh.
Tino, however, uses his alone time with Rachel to complain about feeling "a little unseen" because she canceled the day portion of the date. Ugh, rose lovers, if I never hear another person on this fakakta franchise talk about feeling "seen/unseen," it will be too soon. These adult millennials all use the phrase interchangeably with "my feelings were hurt"/"I was disappointed" — so just freaking say that!
End of rant. Back to Tino. If you ask me, it's a bit of a red flag that he's already grousing and acting entitled when the man has gone on ONE actual date with Rachel. But for whatever reason, she LOVES it.
"Tino continues to be truly open and vulnerable with me," she gushes. "Hearing him want to be around me… it's a really good feeling, especially after all the rejection I've been through." And thus, Tino gets the date rose.
When it's Gabby turn for the group date, she actually shows up to greet the assembled guys: Spencer, Michael, Jason, Erich, Nate, and Mario.
Do I understand what Gabby's wearing? No, I do not. But she's a grown woman and I trust that she chose it and feels comfortable in it. (And the guys love it, too. "I couldn't keep my eyes off of her," notes Jason.)
After a boat ride through the canals, Gabby and her men indulge in some waffles — and, naturally, some whipped cream.
This woman is an icon. Other Bachelorettes could never!
A stroll through the park leads to a pick-up soccer game with a bunch of Belgian children, in which the men get completely owned. But Gabby's not done embarrassing them yet!
Allegedly, Belgians augment the standard "Rock Paper Scissors" game by letting the winner of each round slap the loser with a fish. It's more likely, however, that producers are just drunk with power and having a grand old time finding new ways to embarrass the contestants. I'm here for it.
The day portion of the date goes so well, and the guys are feeling great as they head into the after-party. "It's just refreshing not to have to worry about drama," says Nate. Dang it, Nate — don't you know you should never utter the "d" word? Drama is like a vampire; it can't enter unless you invite it in. Everybody, please welcome…
"I'm sure you guys are curious why I'm here," says Logan, breaking the awkward silence. He debriefs them on the whole switch situation and concludes with this: "I had a conversation with Gabby, and I got word today that she wants me to have an opportunity to pursue her."
The other men do NOT love it. "I guess we were thinking that she saw her person in the guys here," sighs Nate. "I just don't know what to think right now."
Still, the suitors grin and bear it as Gabby arrives and makes a toast to "relationships flourishing." During the solo chats, Nate and Mario reassure Gabby that they are already 100 percent here for her, while Erich admits he felt a little adrift on the group date after having such a good one-on-one date. For his part, Logan tells Gabby that he's grateful for her second chance. "I'm very into you," he says with a grin. Then they smooch.
Please don't give Logan the date rose, Gabby. Please please please please please please…
Oh, thank GOD. Suck it, Logan.
The next day, Rachel has her one-on-one date with Aven. There's a lot of this:
Pssst… guys! You're supposed to be taking in the sights. They stop sucking face long enough to enjoy some Belgian chocolate, but then it's right back to making out. "He's really stepping it up, touching me, and kissing me, and making me feel desired and wanted," says Rachel. Yeah, we noticed.
A trio of older ladies making lace — a centuries-old tradition in Belgium — hand Rachel a wedding veil and ask her to try it on. I think you can guess what happens next, rose lovers.
Iemand pak de slang halen! (That's "somebody get the hose" in Dutch.)
At dinner, Aven uses the time to Open Up™ to Rachel about his childhood. His parents were not together, and he lived with his dad for much of it. "I didn't get to see [my] mom that often," he says. "It sucked." Once he got older, though, Aven says he and his mom grew "really close."
He produces a bracelet from his pocket, which is a token of "good luck, good energy" that his mother made for him. Now he wants Rachel to have it, in the hopes that it will help make her "journey" more positive. Do I need to tell you that she LOVES it? Aven gets the date rose. Congrats, bro. You may now make out with your date (again).
And we're down to the final date of the week. Johnny and Gabby, you're up!
Hmmm… should we be worried about those black-clad figures lurking in the woods behind them? I hope this isn't a The Hills Have Eyes situation.
Nah, it's a brewery! Two very nice Belgians named Ann and Vincent greet Gabby and Johnny and begin plying them with beer. Then comes a beer-themed spa day, featuring a soaking tub full of beer, bundles of hops to smack each other with, and a fur-covered massage table.
Gabby says she likes Johnny because even though he pretends to be "too cool for school," he's actually just a big ol' goofball. They do seem to have a great time together and are constantly laughing and joking. Oh, and if this beard burn on Gabby's face is any indication, they probably kissed a lot, too.
Still, Gabby says it's all been kind of "surface-level," so if their "relationship" is going to progress, she's going to need Johnny to Open Up™ at dinner.
And guess what? He does, right on cue. Johnny talks about his last relationship and says the woman he was dating "disappeared" on him as soon as he felt comfortable being his true self. "That was the last time I really let my guard down," he explains. "I'm like the least confident person ever."
You can tell it's hard for Johnny to talk about his emotions — he barely makes eye contact with Gabby once — but he's brave enough to reveal that he also struggles with depression and deep self-doubt. (Quick, someone get Jason in here to talk up the benefits of therapy!) Gabby can relate, and she appreciates how willing Johnny is to be "vulnerable" with her. Awww, give him the date rose!
Okay, fine — they're very cute together. Still rooting for Nate, though.
Hey look — it's almost time for the rose ceremony. There's tension in the air as the guys gather for the cocktail party; the men on Team Gabby are annoyed that Logan is now part of their group, and the men on Team Rachel are annoyed that they didn't get a day date with her. "I'm sorry about that," says Logan, trying to smooth things over. "I think you guys understand my intentions."
SHUT UP, LOGAN! Gabby just gave Nate some Belgian chocolate for his daughter, and his reaction is beyond adorable.
I just love these two so much.
The rest of the cocktail party is pretty uneventful — though Gabby does get to slap Logan several times in the face with a fish. Mostly, though, it's just a big exercise in ramping up the "will Logan get a rose" drama. (They literally don't show any of Rachel's conversations with her guys.) Once again, I say: Ugh, let's just get this over with.
Rose ceremony roll call!
Team Rachel: Aven, Tino, Zach, Tyler, and Ethan.
Team Gabby: Nate, Johnny, Jason, Spencer, Erich, and Logan (blech).
Much like most of Bachelor Nation, Rachel is bummed to see Logan get a rose.
I smell some major producer interference. But whatever. By the looks of the "coming up this season" preview, Logan will get his comeuppance soon enough.
Alas, we must say goodbye to Michael and Mario (Team Gabby) and the grown man currently known as Meatball (Team Rachel). Safe travels back to the States.
Welp, rose lovers, that was an eventful week. A few questions: Would you date (or have you ever dated) someone after s/he dumped one of your friends? Do you think producers are queuing up Erich as the villain after Tino has his "baby back bitch" run? And would you rather get slapped in the face with a fish or kiss a strange man on the lips? Post your thoughts below!
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