The Bachelorette recap: Chakra and awe
A reiki session gives Tayshia clarity on several of her remaining guys, and then old grudges are reheated and rehashed on the Men Tell All.
We’re halfway through our two-episode The Bachelorette gauntlet, rose lovers! Congrats. Tonight’s episode was an odd one, sort of part housekeeping (Bennett and Noah are finally, finally gone), and part Men Tell All.
First, the most important news:
All hail our returning Bachelor Nation hero, Chris Harrison! Tayshia fills him in on last week’s bloodbath (Demar, Eazy, Spencer, Ed) and the Boomerang Bennett saga. “I’m taking these hometowns very seriously,” says the Bachelorette. “I have eight really amazing men here, but I can only meet four of their families.”
Will Blake be one of those four? Today’s one-on-one date will help answer that question. And the theme of today’s date is… pseudoscience!
“My name is Geeta, and I’m a reiki crystal master!” says the braided lady. “And I know that you both are here to seek some answers about your relationship.” Geeta has them smash stones and choose crystals out of a covered bowl, and then this happens…
Okay, sure. Geeta senses that Tayshia’s “heart chakra” is a little “cautious,” an observation that was definitely not fed to her by producers. Tayshia looks particularly uncomfortable during the “tantric breathing exercise,” which involves sitting on his lap and staring into his eyes. After a few minutes of that awkwardness, Tayshia knows exactly what she has to do: “I don’t think he’s my guy. I feel like I need to tell him that.” Wow, thanks Geeta — I guess reiki really works! Anyhoo, the next thing Blake knows…
“I didn’t see that coming at all,” sighs Blake. Well sir, you must not have been paying attention.
And the carnage ain’t over, rose lovers! After sending Blake home, Tayshia does a quick wardrobe change and heads to the guys’ suite to drop some more bad news on Riley.
“Hometowns are next week, and I know how much family means to you,” she says. “And I don’t want to put you in that position if my heart isn’t one hundred percent matching yours… I don’t want to lead you on.” Riley is stunned and frustrated. “I don’t get it! What am I missing? What am I missing?” he asks Tayshia. “Why keep me around so long?” It’s a valid question, but he’s not going to like the answer: Because that’s how the show works, buddy! The Bachelorette assures Riley that she thinks he’s great, etc., but he’s just not the guy for her.
And lo, the second Reject Limo of the night drives away as Tayshia sobs. “I’m so sorry,” she wails in the darkness. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” Hang in there, honey. (Meanwhile, did anyone come and get Blake’s suitcase? And is someone gonna pack Riley’s stuff for him?)
If the guys weren’t already feeling nervous, tonight’s cocktail party is about to hit them where it hurts. Just as Brendan says, “I’m extremely nervous about what the future could hold,” this happens:
“You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost!” smirks Bennett. “How much did you guys hate on me while I was gone?” When he tries to give Zac a friendly shoulder pat, Zac snaps, “What are you putting your hand on me for?” Ouch. Bennett informs the group that he confessed his love for Tayshia, and then “the following day I received a note saying that my words meant a lot, and that she’d like to see me at the rose ceremony.”
And guess what, dude bros? The rose ceremony is happening sooner than you think! Harrison walks in and announces that Tayshia has canceled the cocktail party because “she knows exactly what she wants to do tonight.” With that, it’s time for the rose ceremony roll call: Zac, Ivan, and Brendan join Ben in the final four. Which means the longest goodbye ever finally comes to an end: Adios, Bennett and Noah! See you in Paradise, most likely.
On to the abbreviated MTA — all gas, no brakes! Due to the COVID of it all, this Men Tell All is a smaller, audience-free affair held somewhere at La Quinta rather than the Tealight Candle Thunderdome. Only Blake, Noah, Demar, Jason, Riley, Ed, Bennett, Kenny, and Yosef are in attendance, but there are still plenty of grievances to be aired. Here are the highlights:
Ed’s been working on his one-liners
Rehashing his beef with Chasen (‘memba him?), Ed quips, “He’s the three Fs: He’s a fraud, fake, and phony — and phony has a ‘ph’ but he’s too dumb to know that.” Ba-dum-bum!
Kenny (‘memba him?) is Team Bennett
Noah insists he was not there to “create drama,” as Bennett claims — but Boy Band Manager isn’t having it. “You went and cried to Tayshia that night, and she shut down the rose ceremony, because you were being a f---ing bitch!” he bellows. Noah dismisses him as “the One Direction party-boy manager wearing camo, with your star tattoos.” All of that is true, except for the One Direction part — I’m sure Kenny would kill to manage a band that successful. The “discussion” gets so loud and acrimonious, Harrison has to shout over the men to get things back under control.
Greeta thought Blake’s “sexual energy” was “beautiful”
I’m not sure if we should thank Harrison or slap him for digging up this outtake from Blake and Tayshia’s one-on-one date.
“Canadians rise to the occasion,” jokes the host. As for Kenny’s “bikini wax” moment? Let us never speak of it again.
Yosef’s gonna Yosef
I’m sorry, but why did we need to see this dude again? Interesting that he showed up, given that he was so concerned about missing out on time with his daughter. None of the other dudes are excited to see him, if Riley’s side-eye is any indication.
Yosef says he doesn’t regret “sticking up for the guys” on the strip dodgeball date, but said guys are quick to say they did not need or want his help. “At the end of the day, Yosef, we could have said no,” says Kenny. “You weren’t there.” Blake blasts him for “yelling and screaming” at Clare, but Yosef once against insists that he didn’t say anything “inflammatory” to the Bachelorette.
Harrison tries to cut through the BS with this: “When you watch that, you’re like, ‘That’s cool. I would never mind anyone talking to my daughter like that’?” But Yosef still refuses to own up to his assholery. “If my daughter did something like that, I would hope someone would call her out.” Jason, like all of us, cannot believe what he’s hearing.
Undeterred, Harrison attempts to nudge Yosef into admitting, at the very least, that he was rude and disrespectful to Clare. No dice! “I’m gonna stay true to myself,” says Yosef, as the other guys shake their heads in disgust.
This wasn’t a set-up, okay???
When Tayshia arrives, the first thing Harrison does is have her debunk the conspiracy theory that producers had planned the Bachelorette switcheroo from the very beginning. “I wish, ‘cause that would mean I had a little bit more preparation,” she says. According to Tayshia, she got a call from producers while eating donuts in bed (relatable), and 48 hours later she was at LaQuinta.
Tayshia doesn’t want any do-overs
Though she wept openly after her break-ups with Blake and Riley, the Bachelorette would do it all again. Neither of the men have any hard feelings toward Tayshia, though Riley is clearly still all in his feelings about the breakup. (Did I use that expression correctly? Don’t answer that.) “For the first week after I got back, I didn’t move — I felt too bad,” says Riley. “I appreciate everything that you did for me, and I would not change this experience for anything.” Awwww, poor Riley. It’s too bad — they would make a gorgeous couple.
The bloopers were pretty weak (though props to Clare for loving her food), so let’s go right to the extended preview: Ivan cries, Brendan cries, Tayshia cries. We also see Tayshia trying on diamond rings with Brendan and Neil Lane — and it’s about damn time that the Bachelorette has a say in ring selection!
Welp, rose lovers, “hometown” dates are tomorrow. Are you satisfied with Tayshia’s final four guys? Who are you rooting for? And is it just me, or does green juice look disgusting? Post your thoughts below!
The Bachelorette airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC