Jughead, meanwhile, doesn't appear to be so lucky.
Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter
S6 E6
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If you thought Riverdale went out with a bang, it's coming back with... superpowers?! We have a lot to get into.

Let's start at the beginning: So this episode picks up after Rivervale, but because Rivervale was technically an alternate universe, it really picks up following the events of the season 5 finale. Translation: Archie's house just blew up with Betty and Archie inside (and Jug nearby in the garage).

The opening scene gives us Frank and Alice grilling them about how they all survived, and Betty and Archie deliver some half-baked story about how they got a phone call warning them, and they were able to make it downstairs to hide under the dining room table? Yeah, that's a lie. It turns out, neither of them made it out of the room, but Archie was able to shield Betty with his body and all she walked away with were a few broken ribs. Archie, however, is fine.

Honestly, Bingo might have it the worst — that poor dog broke all four of his legs!

And then there's Jug, who spends most of the episode struggling to hear but, instead of going to the doctor, focuses on writing a story about the bomb. Because if anything's going to help his career, it's a story about the explosion on Elm Street! (Jug, Elm Street only means something to people who live in Riverdale, of which there are, like, 30.)

While all of this is going down, Kevin, Fangs, and Toni have a real heart-to-heart. Kevin lets them know he's going to New York to give Broadway another shot, and they tell Kevin that their friendship is now a full-blown romantic relationship. But Kevin's reaction isn't their biggest problem. After Toni hears about the bomb in Archie's house, she knows it was planted by the Ghoulies on Hiram's behalf. So, she calls a meeting with Twyla Twist, the Ghoulies' new leader, and proposes a ceasefire. But it seems that Hiram is still funding the Ghoulies from afar, so they have no interest. All they want is to kill Archie and destroy Riverdale. But little do they know about Archie's new... gifts.

First, Archie realizes that he's gained nearly 20 pounds in a week, so either he's bulking up or he's a freshman in college. He cuts his arm on a rusty nail, but it doesn't break the skin. Then he puts his fist through a wall and that's when he realizes: He's impenetrable. Naturally, he marches himself down to where the Ghoulies are and beats a bunch of them up, launching a full-out war between the Ghoulies and the Serpents. (Hey, I said he got stronger, not smarter.)

For the time being, Kevin is sticking around to help care for baby Anthony while Toni and Fangs, you know, fight a war.

KJ Apa on 'Riverdale'
| Credit: Michael Courtney/The CW

As for Betty, she first notices her new ability in the hospital when she sees a weird red energy field around one of the orderlies. When she hears about a murdered nurse at that same hospital, she realizes that she can sense when someone is a threat. Confirmation of her new ability comes when a drunk Glenn tries to put the moves on her and she punches him in the face. (When Archie finds out, he does even worse.) To top off Glenn's no-good-very-bad day, TBK shows up in the episode's final moments and strangles him for disrespecting Betty.

Archie and Betty, however, are having a pretty good day. Once he shows her that his skin can bend a scalpel, she brings him down to the hospital where, together, they take down the murderous orderly. As insane as it is to give these teens powers — aside from wrestling bears and disarming bombs with bobby pins, of course — I did thoroughly enjoy this weird Betty-Archie tag team that was happening. Perhaps they've needed superpowers all along.

While all of this is going on, Cheryl is trying to reverse Abigail's curse on her friends. Only, every time she goes to check on the candles that have to burn all the way down in order to nullify the curse, they've been blown out. So who's doing it? Britta, but only because she's being possessed by Abigail.

To take care of the problem, Nana Rose suggests performing a banishment. But Nana Rose is a big fat liar and instead of banishing Abigail, she simply relocates her... into Cheryl's body.

We also need to touch on the new guy in town: Percival Perkins walks into Archie's burned down home and offers to buy it. Mary is intrigued, but Archie instead asks his mom to sell him the home, and she agrees. But the question remains: Who's this new guy with fancy shoes and why would he want a home that needs to be rebuilt? Either he's evil or he's just a big fan of Fixer Upper.

I should also mention that after Glenn lied about what happened with Betty — but before TBK killed him — Betty called headquarters and got all the men removed from her unit. Now, she's rocking an all-female unit, and I'm into it.

As for Veronica, she spends the episode making big moves and then regretting them. When she hears about the bomb at Archie's house, she chooses not to help the FBI find Hiram. Instead, she puts a bounty out on his head and meets with a hitman. Reggie, whose father just suffered a heart attack, tries to tell her it's a bad idea, but by the time she realizes that he's right, the hitman tells her the job is done. Do we see a body? No. But presumably, Hiram Lodge is dead. Veronica then lies to Reggie about it and says she called off the hit, but I imagine it won't take him long to learn the truth, seeing as how Hermosa just marked Veronica. (Whatever that means.)

And that brings us back to Jug, who finally goes to the doctor and learns he's 98 percent deaf in one ear and 87 percent deaf in the other. Unlike Bingo, he doesn't seem to be healing from the accident. But Bingo walks out of the vets office three days after the explosion with all four of his legs having healed. And honestly? In terms of ideas, a self-healing dog might be Riverdale's best.

For years, Riverdale didn't do magic. But weirdly, Archie having superpowers feels like it makes so much stuff make sense? One thing is for sure: We're in a new era of Riverdale (and it's one where dogs can self-heal!).

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Chapter Thirteen: The Sweet Hereafter
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