In week two of The Bachelor spin-off, Jamie's whirlwind romance with Trevor hits a sour note when she meets a friend of his disgruntled ex.

By Kristen Baldwin
April 20, 2020 at 10:00 PM EDT
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We’re only one-third of the way through this “musical” “journey,” rose lovers, so it’s okay if you still don’t know any of these contestants’ names yet. (I find it handy to keep this page open on my screen while watching. #protip)

In week two, Listen to Your Heart took a Paradise twist, with new “ladies” arriving and men having the rose-giving power. Let’s recap!

As the sun rises on the Hummingbird Nest Ranch, Sheridan’s already awake and strumming his guitar for the cameras. Matt, the asshat who was saved by producers/Cheyenne last week, helpfully provides the who’s-zoomin-who rundown via voiceover: Bri and Chris, Danny and Bekah, Jamie and Trevor are technically “couples.” Brandon, however, says he’s “super grateful” that Savannah gave him her rose, but “it doesn’t mean I’m committing to anything.” (Kids, this is what’s known as foreshadowing.)

Enter Chris Harrison! And it looks like he just came from a Star Trek cosplay convention!

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(Is this outfit more Star Trek or Hunger Games? Discuss.) “There will be newcomers this week,” Harrison tells the group with a wicked grin. He then drops a date card on the coffee table and spouts his newest catchphrase: “As always, listen to your hearts.”

UGH, the first date card goes to Jamie, who already had a date last week! Even worse, she chose to give her rose to Trevor, not Ryan. HOW DO I ALREADY CARE SO MUCH ABOUT THIS STUPID SHOW? “I feel like some people might, like, hate me right now because I already went on a date,” chirps Jamie. “But I am so excited to go on this date with Trevor!”

At least the date is appropriately dignity-free: Jamie and Trevor will be busking on the Venice Beach boardwalk for tips. Once again, Jamie is very nervous about performing in front of people. Hmmm… I wonder what Jamie thought was going to happen when she signed up for a reality TV show about singers who sing? Anyhow, Trevor gallantly agrees to learn Little Big Town’s “Girl Crush,” since it’s one of the few songs Jamie feels comfortable singing. (Again, she’s on a singing show about singers.)

Side note: What in the name of all that’s holy is Jamie wearing?

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Kids today, I tell ya. Anyhow, Jamie and Trevor’s singing (and the camera crew filming their singing) attracts a small crowd of onlookers. Are these people famous? the tourists wonder. Should we film this on our phones just in case?

Back at Hummingbird House (or whatever)…

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Meet Natascha! She’s 33, and an “East Coast New Yorker through-and-through.” The “ladies” are predictably nervous, but as we all know from the previews, the two people who should really be freaking out are Trevor and Jamie. Natascha, you see, knows Trevor because she’s “friends with his ex.” And, she adds ominously, “I’ve heard all the things.” Those “things,” in case you’re wondering, were Trevor’s “indiscretions,” which led to their break-up. Suddenly, the “ladies” aren’t so mad about Natascha’s arrival — she hath brought the tea, and she is not afraid to spilleth! Look at how hungry these chicks are for the gossip:

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Meanwhile, Jamie and Trevor have moved on to the hot tub make-out portion of their date. “How is he single?” giggles Jamie. “Whatever girl let him go, that is your loss — but my gain.” As they snuggle in the hot tub, Trevor asks Jamie about her last relationship. “Well, every guy I’ve ever dated has cheated on me,” she says. Quick, Team LTYH, zoom in on Trevor’s face to see if he can keep his composure!

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Good effort, pal. When Jamie asks Trevor why his last long-term relationship ended, he doesn’t say anything about “indiscretions” — it’s just, Oh, you know, we weren’t compatible but she’s a great person, etc. He does admit to making “mistakes,” but that could mean anything from forgetting her birthday to banging a bunch of randos in bar bathrooms.

It’s dark out by the time Jamie and Trevor finally arrive back at the Hummingbird Hut (or whatever). Natascha’s first order of business, of course, is to inform Trevor that she has his number. “I know you,” she tells him. Immediately, both he and Jamie know this is not going to end well.

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“How do we know each other?” asks Trevor, all innocent-like. Natascha insists on chatting with him privately to jog his memory — and no, Trevor, she is not going to let you “get settled” first. “I’d like to chat now, to be honest,” she says firmly. Bekah’s face says it all.

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Boy, you in TROUBLE!

Okay, so here are the deets: Natascha is friends with Trevor’s ex, Sierra. According to Sierra, Trevor is a liar and a cheater. According to Trevor, Sierra is just some crazy b who’s trying to c--k-block his shot at TV love. (I’m paraphrasing.) “All you know is what she has told you about our relationship,” Trevor says to Natascha. “I never physically cheated on her, just so you know … I ended up, like, emotionally cheating on her.”

Show of hands, rose lovers: Who out there thinks “emotionally” cheating on someone is as bad (if not worse, as Natascha says) than physically cheating? I can’t see your hands, obviously, but I’m going to guess the vote is split. It probably depends on the circumstances, at least in my opinion, but with Trevor, I think the whole “emotional cheater” confession plus the fact that he’s now on his second reality TV show equals Red Flag City. Run, Jamie! Run like the wind!

Unfortunately, Jamie is in no shape to run right now. The other “ladies” just told her what Natascha said about Trevor, and now it’s all over but the crying. Lots and lots of crying.

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“I told him in the hot tub I’ve been cheated on in every relationship that I’ve ever been in,” wails Jamie, as the “ladies” listen sympathetically. Later, Jamie sits in her confessional, glass of wine in hand, and sobs some more. “I just wanted something to go well for me, for once.”

Let’s put a pin in this drama because it’s time for the second date card of the week. Congratulations, Bri! Looks like you and your cute crush Chris get to leave the Nest. (Or whatever.) Wait, their big romantic date is a trip to… Guitar Center? “Wow, there are guitars everywhere here,” marvels Bri. (Yes, sweetie. It’s called Guitar Center. Were you expecting plants and macramé?)

Naturally, Bri and Chris start jamming. “I express myself through song,” Bri explains. So she begins free-styling some lyrics off the top of her head while Chris strums the guitar. Basically, their musical conversation goes something like this:

Bri: I like you a lot. But relationships are scary.

Chris: Totally.

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Then they start literally singing about the rose ceremony, and it’s extraordinarily painful. Still, Chris seems very sweet. And Bri is understandably gun-shy about getting involved in another relationship — it turns out her fiancé broke up with her WHILE SHE WAS SHOPPING FOR A WEDDING DRESS. That’s cold, man.

And yet, Bri is suddenly pedal to the metal with Chris, even though they basically just met. “I think that I might be falling in love with you,” she tells him, as tears stream down her cheeks. “I think I’m falling for you, too,” Chris replies. Um, hooray? I guess if these two are happy (for now), who am I to judge? (LOLOL don’t answer that.)

Oh, time to shift focus! It looks like Trevor’s attempting to explain things to Jamie … while sitting in someone’s college dorm room?

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Or maybe they’re at a local Indian restaurant? I dunno, but those wall hangings are definitely a choice. Sorry, sorry — I know that’s not the point. Let’s listen in as Trevor shares his side of the story with Jamie: “I had told you about, um, I was, I stayed in a relationship longer because I didn’t want to hurt the person,” he says. “I ended up hurting them in the long term because there was some emotional cheating. And she found some text messages with another girl.” Trevor is quick to point out that he didn’t “physically” cheat, though he admits “it was still wrong, obviously.”

Poor Jamie. You can tell that part of her wants to cut Trevor off, but the other part of her is a 21-year-old who apparently went on 100 dates in 2019 and also signed up for a reality TV dating show. Clearly, her “common sense” muscle has atrophied from lack of use. Do I need to tell you that she decides to give him another chance? Because she does. Sigh.

Hmmm… wonder what Mel’s up to. You remember Mel, right rose lovers?

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Though she was “vibing” with Gabe last week, now Mel has a thing for Brandon. “He makes my brain crunch, and he makes my heart feel warm,” she says. “If I got this date card, I would ask Brandon right away.”

She does not get the date card. Instead, it goes to Sheridan, who asks Julia on the date. (By the way, Julia just told Mel that she also has a thing for Brandon. It’s all connected!!!) To be fair, Julia is a little weirded out by how into her Sheridan is after such a short time. “While I definitely appreciate the attention, it makes me nervous to receive this much so soon,” she says. Still, screen time is screen time — so let’s do this!

The first stop on their date is a visit to Valentine in the Morning on iHeartRadio. (Props to ABC for having Sheridan and Julia’s date double as a working press tour. Way to get more bang for your buck!)

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Question: Do you think they’re really live on air? Or is their interview, and subsequent performance, being broadcast into a void of nothingness? I suppose it doesn’t really matter. Sheridan and Julia perform a perfectly fine duet of Maren Morris’ “The Bones,” and Julia even allows Sheridan to hold her hand during part of it. But my goodness, he is so much more into this “relationship” than she is.

With the rose ceremony looming, some of the “ladies” are starting to feel anxious. Rudi, who went all scorched-earth on Matt last week and ended up giving Ryan her rose, decides to smooth things over with Mr. I Don’t Know Chris Harrison’s Name. “I should have trusted, like, my gut and just chilled out a little bit,” she tells him. “That’s why I, like, feel bad.” Once Matt accepts her apology (check!), Rudi heads off to find Ryan and butter him up, too.

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But will her efforts be enough? Unlikely, as it’s time for the arrival of not one, but two new hotties.

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Meet Mariana (23, from Dallas) and Ruby (25, from Austin). They’re in full “I’m not here to make friends” mode, so get used to it, other “ladies!" And both of them have their eye on Brandon, which leaves Mel even more SOL than she was before. But she’s not giving up yet; instead, she grabs her guitar and sits down with Brandon for a chat. “What would you say is your love language?” she asks him. (Oh my GOD, Mel, no. Just no.) (Also, if I ever meet Gary Chapman, I am going to slap him in the face. Hard.)

As it turns out, Mel and Brandon may not even speak the same “love language.” (I’m gagging.) Brandon speaks in the dialect of “physical touch,” a form of communication that Mel is very uncomfortable with. “Well, I would lovingly challenge you to hug people more,” says Brandon with a chuckle. And guess what? They actually hug! But just as things seem to be looking up for Mel, another date card arrives… and it’s for Savannah… who asks Brandon to join her. It’s all too much for Mel to bear.

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Sorry, Mel. Dating (or in this case, not dating) sucks. But relationships can suck, too — and anyone with parents can tell you that marriage isn’t always a trip to Pismo Beach, either. The point is, sometimes we’re all miserable, but it’ll pass.

Savannah and Brandon’s date takes place at a “well-known jazz club” called The Dresden, where a fabulous old married couple named Marty and Elayne play live shows on the regular. Elayne is 100 percent #goals. Look at this goddess!

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Savannah thinks the whole thing is very romantic, and she’s hoping that her night with Brandon will ensure that she gets his rose this week. He seems… sort of into it? “The first few days, I was like, ‘Whatever, I want to meet everybody,’” he says, sounding not-quite-but-almost convincing. “But now I just notice myself wanting to spend more and more time with you. It’s a good feeling.”

And whaddya know? It’s open mic night! Marty and Elayne ask for two volunteers to come and sing “Fever” with them, and of course, Savannah and Brandon comply. (I was about to say, “Oh wow, how impressive that they both know the words to a 64-year-old song,” but then I noticed that they were both reading the lyrics off of a cheat-sheet.)

The next morning, Julia is feeling “stressed.” When she got home from her date with Sheridan last night and learned that Brandon was out with Savannah, her response — “Ohhhhhhhhhhh” — sounded like a deflating balloon. Now she needs Sheridan to know that she, like, doesn’t want to be exclusive. “Obviously, Brandon and I had been talking,” she says. “I don’t know if there’s anything there anymore, but I want to be able to feel like I can still have those conversations.” (Ugh, and then she throws in the “it doesn’t mean I don’t like you,” just in case she needs to keep Sheridan on the hook for later. Gross.) Awwww, look how bummed he is!

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“I was just blindsided,” he sighs. “I think I put myself out there a little bit too much, too hard, too soon, too fast."

Buck up, buddy — at least you’re handing out the roses this evening, and there are plenty of “ladies” out there who need one. Like Natascha, for instance. “Tonight, it’s work mode,” she says frankly. “Game on.”

Did Chris Harrison just say “listen to your heart” for the second time this episode? Dude, I love you, but maybe dial it down a notch.

Much of the pre-rose ceremony scramble centers around Brandon. Mel flirts awkwardly with him for a few minutes before pulling his face onto hers. (Though the kiss is pretty one-sided, Brandon does not pull away.) Julia moves in on the former Marine next, and he’s quite surprised to learn that she still likes him. “You’re blowing my mind right now,” says Brandon. “I kind of, like, wrote you off… I don’t know what the f--- I’m supposed to do.” As soon as Brandon says he’s “leaning toward” giving his rose to Savannah, Julia starts trash-talking her rival, saying she’s “odd” and that it's “surprising” Brandon even likes her.

Um, permission to say that Julia is now officially the worst?

And once again, Brandon finds himself on the receiving end of an aggressive kiss.

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Blech. In non-Brandon news, rose-seeking missile Natascha has zeroed in on Ryan. “I woke up this morning, and the first person on my mind was you,” she coos, adding that he’s “humble” and “sweet.” Ryan may be a man, but he ain’t dumb, and he has some doubts that he would be Natascha’s type if he didn’t have a rose to give. “I kind of like the nerdy type,” she insists. “I find that sexy.” Of course, he LOVES it.

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Once again, blech. But Natascha isn’t home free yet — Rudi still needs a rose, and she thinks “cute Harry Potter” is her best chance. So she walks up to Ryan and basically orders him to give her a kiss. (It’s called informed consent, “ladies” — look it up!) He complies… so you’d think Rudi would be happy, right? Think again. She’s crying!

“Me and Ryan kissed,” she tells Jamie with a sniffle. “I didn’t feel anything, so that’s why I’m, like, mad at myself.” To clarify, Rudi knew this whole time that she liked Matt more than Ryan, but she was afraid to make a move on Matt because “he likes 12 other girls in the house.” Time to become lucky number 13, honey!

“Unfortunately for me, I’m still feeling you!” Rudi tells Matt, jokingly listing off all of the other “ladies” she thinks he’s into, including Savannah and Bekah. “I’m like, F--- yeah! I’m, like, No. 20 on his list!” The self-deprecating approach works because Matt is then compelled to assure Rudi that she’s got it all wrong. “That’s not true at all,” he says, adding that he just told her he liked other women because he wanted to “rile [her] up.” And she’s riled, folks.

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Like many TV slaps before it, this one leads to a kiss. I have been recapping this stupid franchise for years (YEARS), and I still involuntarily yell “EWWWW!” every time two contestants kiss. This was no exception.

Tink tink tink! Chris Harrison arrives with his Butter Knife of Bad News. You know what that means, folks — rose ceremony rollcall!

Chris gives his rose to Bri; Trevor gives his rose to Jamie; Matt gives his rose to Rudi. When it’s time for Ryan to hand out his rose, Jamie whispers a prayer to the Reality TV gods that he won’t give it to Natascha. “Please no, please no, please no…” Sorry, Jamie, but your gods are dead.

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Danny gives his rose to Bekah; Brandon gives his rose to Savannah (Sorry, Mel! Not sorry, Julia!); Gabe gives his rose to Ruby (huh?); and poor, almost-cuckolded Sheridan gives his rose to… Julia. That “UGH” you hear is the sound of viewers yelling at their screens, and also the sound of the remaining contestants, who are not pleased that Julia and her maroon velvet pantsuit are still around.

Welp, with that we must say goodbye to Mel, Cheyenne, and Mariana, all of whom would be excellent final-week entries on Bachelor in Paradise — but I’m guessing that season is not going to happen. Perhaps it’s for the best, “ladies.” (Especially for you, Mel — you seem a little too broken up about Brandon’s rejection.)

Wait a minute — what’s this? Is Brandon literally trying to hit on Julia just minutes after giving Savannah his rose???

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Oy, what a jackass. Not that I feel bad for Julia, of course. She’s the worst.

Week two of this six-week “journey” is in the books, rose lovers! Are you rooting for any of the “couples?” Are you excited for the “first performances of the season,” which are coming next week? Are you even watching this stupid show? Post your thoughts below!

Listen to Your Heart airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC

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