But this one isn't dead.

When we last saw the cast of Grey's Anatomy, the lives of several doctors, a child, and a megalomaniac hung in the balance. We know showrunners have zero qualms when bumping off beloved characters, so I'm happy to report that all cast members have made it to the spring premiere. 

That's right. While Owen's (Kevin McKidd) car careened down a cliff, leaving him severely injured and trapped. Luckily, the fine men and women over at Station 19 manage to rescue him from the wreckage and whisk him away to Grey Sloan Memorial, with Hayes (Richard Flood) and Teddy (Kim Raver) close behind, frantically clutching a cooler with a heart for Farouk. 

There's just one tiny problem. As Teddy waits to hear if Owen will ever walk again, Hayes runs down the hall to present the heart to Winston (Anthony Hill), who is standing over Farouk's open chest cavity. When he inspects the heart, he notices a bruise. He immediately calls for backup in the form of his wife. Maggie (Kelly McCreary) to the rescue!

Meanwhile, Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) and Link (Chris Carmack) assess Owen's injuries and make a surgical plan. Amelia is confused by Link's cool tone. I'm confused why Nico (Alex Landi) seems to be taking charge of this situation. And everyone is confused when Owen suddenly barks out an order for someone to find Hayes immediately. 

Ellen Pompeo
| Credit: Liliane Lathan/ABC

Hayes is with Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), discussing how his life just flashed before his eyes. No, he's not going to profess his love for Dr. Grey in a post-adrenaline rush. Instead, he asks about her view on mercy killings. Meredith's response? "First do no harm." Hayes nods his head in both agreement and defeat. 

He's not happy with Dr. Hunt. Sure, Owen is about to go into surgery, and he technically saved Hayes' life by insisting Hayes jump out of the car to safety, causing the vehicle to tumble down the cliff. Still, Hayes will not be an accomplice to military men who were promised "death with dignity" if their states do not qualify. He warns Owen to tell the truth, or he will do it for him. 

Then Hayes tracks down Megan (Abigail Spencer) in the chapel. He makes her recite out loud her plan to NOT kill herself should Farouk die during surgery. When Megan promises to call her therapist and psychiatrist, Hayes bluntly states that Farouk's heart was bruised, but Winston and Maggie will make it work. He also adds that Owen's leg is shattered, and he's currently in surgery. 

Who needs flowers and a balloon bouquet when you can deliver news like that?

In other not-so-glad tidings, Schmidt (Jake Borelli) is experiencing a major meltdown. Remember how his young podcast patient died on the table when Schmidt refused to wait for an attending to help during a routine surgery? As Schmidt obsessively scrubs the blood from his hands, we hear Bailey (Chandra Wilson) threaten to cancel the Webber Method. Then Richard (James Pickens Jr.) reprimands Schmidt. He still scrubs. Jo (Camilla Luddington) finally shows up to check on her friend and notices that his hands are raw. 

She rushes to find Helm (Jaicy Elliot), and newbie Jordan falls in line. Between the three of them, they pull Schmidt away from the sink as he descends into a fit of hysteria. Later, when Richard shares the news with Meredith, she informs her mentor that if the Webber Method had been around when she was a resident, she wouldn't have waited for an attending either. Neither would Cristina (Sandra Oh). Nor Alex (Justin Chambers). 

I'm sure Izzie (Katherine Heigl) and George (T.R. Knight) would have been listed in this rogue group, too, had Link not bellowed from the OR for everyone in the galley to leave the premises so he could focus — focus on getting rid of Dr. Kai Bartley (E.R. Fightmaster) staring down Amelia with puppy dog eyes. 

Amelia is no idiot. She puts two-and-two together and berates Link for choosing a critical surgery — on someone she loves, by the way — to punish her for kissing someone else. Link is livid. They built a life together, and the minute he asks Amelia to marry him, she opts out. And the minute he decides he doesn't need a ring on her finger, she's moved on like the last year hasn't even mattered.

Amelia bucks up to Link, challenging him with her own defenses. The word "gaslight" is thrown around, and Link loses his mind. Does Amelia think their child isn't real? The love they felt for each other? The commitment to living a life together forever? 

Just because Amelia doesn't necessarily answer with a resounding "yes" or "no," we do get some clarity. Amelia confesses to Kai that her life is messy and gives the doctor an out. Kai offers Amelia a drink instead. Whoopsie. This is when Amelia drops the bomb that she's sober. Kai shares her fries, which is a true testament to the love they feel. 

Link goes in another direction. He allows Jo to shower him with compliments, including what a great doctor he is and a phenomenal father to Scout. And let's not forget his handsome face and well-formed pecs. Suddenly, these two friends are lip-to-lip. Link voices his concern, claiming this is not a good idea. Jo counters with a seductive, "Isn't it?" Then they get topless and horizontal. 

Joink (tell me you don't love it) aren't the only two fanning the flames of lust. My beloved Scott Speedman, also known as Nick, has caught a ride on a jet leaving for critical care transport to Seattle. How convenient! It seems Mer is having a helluva day. First, David Hamilton, the Parkinson's' patient, almost dies on her table from a bowel obstruction. Then her friends are in a car wreck. And her favorite resident hit an emotional wall. What's a girl to do?

Forget about the dinner reservations Nick made, find a sitter for her brood of children, and go to a hotel with her lover. That's how Meredith rolls. 

In the most dramatic moment of the night, as Bailey is singing Owen Hunt's praises, Hayes suddenly gives his notice. He claims his kids are not thriving in America, and they will be returning to Ireland. The decision has been made, and no, he will not wait until Owen has recovered. This is officially his last shift.

Another one bites the dust. Does this mean Cristina will send over another very good-looking man to fill the role of McIrish? Or will Nick stick around Seattle to be "handsome doctor?" Inquiring minds want to know. 

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Meredith. Alex. Bailey. The doctors are definitely in on Shonda Rhimes' hospital melodrama.

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