As her subconscious plays the "what if" game.

By Lincee Ray
March 25, 2021 at 11:50 PM EDT

When we last left Dr. Teddy Altman, Owen had her cradled in his arms with a concerned look on his face. It turns out, Owen has every reason to be worried for the mother of his child. It's been days since she's spoken, she's barely had any fluids, and he called Amelia to bring in an IV. 

We dip into Teddy's subconscious to find her wandering around Grey Sloan looking fierce in a silky ice blue pajama set, perfect makeup, and flawless hair. No one is there, except Meredith, who is awake and chipper one moment and then back on the vent in the next breath. DeLuca is there, too, rolling a gurney with a person who is very much not dead screaming in a body bag. That person is Teddy. 

The scene quickly switches to Teddy and DeLuca trying to save Meredith in the OR, but Teddy is distracted by Allison's silhouette in the scrub room. You remember Allison. She's the love of Teddy's life, who died tragically on 9/11. 

Teddy bursts through the double doors outside and spies Tom waiting for her in the car. Happy Meredith is there beside her in an instant, wondering why Teddy isn't getting married. It dawns on Teddy that maybe her life would be different if she had met Tom in the parking lot and ran away with him on her wedding day.

So she does. Who cares that DeLuca is in the back seat and there's a grenade in her purse? She's going to Vegas, baby! 

Although we don't see the wedding, we do see Teddy in her honeymoon suite with Tom. Teddy has one hand holding Baby Allison (read: Teddy and Owen's daughter) and the other on her very swollen, pregnant belly. The next moment, Baby Allison is gone.

Tom informs Teddy that Owen ran away with the kids. Teddy properly freaks out over this news, which annoys Tom to no end. Teddy shouts horrible things to Tom and then blows him up with that random grenade in her purse. 

DeLuca is back, and he's come bearing gifts. It's a romantic love montage between Owen and Teddy. All we needed was a Taylor Swift background song, and it would have been tight. Alas, the flashback lasts seconds, leading Teddy to believe that she wouldn't have killed DeLuca if she never met him. Let's rewrite some history again!

Teddy goes all the way back to when Owen came to see her in Germany, but this time she doesn't kick him out. They enjoy some sexy times, and Owen proposes. Teddy wants to start this marriage off without secrets, so she tells Owen about Allison. Owen takes the news like a champ. He doesn't care that she had a lover she never told him about. Owen is gutted for Teddy that Allison died in such a tragic way. 

Perfect. Everyone is on the same page. Here comes the bride, and DeLuca is the officiant. Makes perfect sense. Do you know what else makes sense? All of Owen's exes texting him at the altar. That's right, Amelia, Beth, and Cristina all wishing Owen a lifetime of happiness.

Of course, in this dreamscape, Amelia and Cristina still hold on to Owen, and he in no way finds this behavior odd. He even goes as far as to say what he has with those two women is true love. Teddy isn't having it, especially when he keeps calling her Amelia and forcefully demands that Owen leave. 

He gives her a grin and says, "I always come back. It's our thing."

Meanwhile, back in the real world, Amelia encourages Owen to have a conversation with Teddy since they haven't really spoken after the hospital-wide humiliation. Owen gives a hard pass and explodes when Amelia suggests he give Teddy a break since she lost DeLuca. Owen reminds her that WE ALL LOST DELUCA (#truth), but some of us don't have the luxury of shutting down completely. Ouch. 

Back in dreamland, DeLuca and Teddy are in the OR, but this time she sees Allison again. She tells DeLuca all about why she loved her and how Allison carried her through the year that her parents died. The scene switches to Teddy grieving her parents' deaths, and I have no idea what ABC did to make Kim Raver look decades younger, but sign me up.

Young Allison consoles Young Teddy. This was the night that they first admitted their feelings for each other. She tells DeLuca that they didn't mean to hurt anyone. They just fell in love. And Teddy killed her.

Come again?

On the morning of 9/11, Allison offered to make pancakes for Teddy, hoping to entice her to stay in bed. Teddy went to work instead. So did Allison. In the South Tower. She cries to DeLuca, wondering what would have happened if she had just said yes to the pancakes. 

But before we make that subconscious time jump, Amelia rips Owen a new one. And I am here for it. Her platform? Owen needs to forgive Teddy because he has loved Teddy in some form for decades. Who cares that she lied about Allison for their entire relationship? It's called PTSD. The love of Teddy's life died in a horrific accident. 

Then Amelia brings up the time that Owen almost strangled Cristina, and he gets it. He's experienced it. Amelia says traumatized people lie to others and themselves. It doesn't mean their entire world is a lie. When you hurt, you hurt other people. Teddy needs help. 

Mic drop.

Silk pajama set Teddy sits on a bench in a park with Allison on 9/11. They are blissfully happy until Allison wonders why everyone is screaming. Then Allison claims to smell smoke. She begins choking and falls to the ground. The scene changes to Teddy performing CPR on Allison in the OR. Meredith walks in and claims Allison's time of death. 

Meredith takes Teddy through the hospital, which now has multiple scattered bodies under white sheets. It's all of the people Teddy has "killed." Meredith assures Teddy that all of this is not her fault, but she does have a habit of running to people in times of stress. She proposed to Henry when he was sick. (Side note: Who didn't love Henry?) She ran to Tom when things got sketchy with Owen. She ran to the army when life handed her too much. 

Something terrible happens. We blame ourselves. We don't want to feel. So we run. Or, in Owen's case, you damper the rage and hate with a hypothetical wet blanket. Amelia encourages Owen to ditch the blanket and forgive Teddy. Meredith encourages Teddy to "leave this place."

Teddy begs Meredith not to die. Then Teddy jerks from her subconscious, hears her baby crying, and rushes to console her. Teddy is back. Her eyes are clear. She appears ready to fight. 

And fingers crossed that Meredith doesn't die. 

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