The Week in ‘Wives: RHOA in white, RHOSLC post-fight, RHOD in a closet, and RHOC out of one
The best, worst, and wildest moments from this week on ‘The Real Housewives.’
January marches on, and so do our fearless Bravo heroines. This week, we're treated to yet another surprise event on RHOA in the form of Cynthia's engagement party, which was sadly not attended by any future presidents, unless Marlo decides to run one day. Down in Texas, our RHOD ladies try dim sum, which proves too sophisticated for at least one of them. High up in Salt Lake City, a few of the 'wives take a bath in the mountains, where the Bravo camera operators get a hard lesson to stay out of splashing distance. And finally, this season of RHOC came to a close with a long-awaited announcement and a failed attempt at a socially distanced celeb cameo. Here are the best, worst, and wildest moments from this week in 'wives!
HIGH POINT: The Tiffany tour, RHOD
What do we watch The Real Housewives for if not glimpses of extravagant, velvet-cushioned, packed-to-the-gills closets? In a true gift from the Bravo gods, we were treated to not only a tour of Tiffany's spectacular closet (secured by a biometric lock, giving me a welcome RHODC flashback even though it didn't work at first), but also her enviable wine cellar, which she introduces with a confusing story about how her husband decided one day that he'd be a good vintner. "The 2016 is good," she says rather indifferently of the alcohol, but the fashion dream house storing her personalized Gucci and pink-heavy wardrobe is the real star of this show. The floors are heated!
LOW POINT: Tub time, RHOSLC
Whitney's reconciliatory spa day went south even before Jen got a glimpse of those murky bathtubs. The second she drove up (after 3 hours and 45 minutes?) and realized that the spot Whitney had chosen was not a place to get a solid-gold face mask, it became a dark day. Once in the tubs, MVP Heather tried to soak up all the blame for the hip-hop-and-golf party blowup herself, but Jen, to her credit, wasn't having it. Over the course of the tumultuous afternoon, they splash, curse, storm off, etc., etc., and eventually Heather admits to some of her own insecurities and Whitney apologizes for her part in the drama, which has affected Jen's marriage. It all basically ends well, so why do I feel like so little of the truth of the matter was actually addressed? (Also, is it not blatantly obvious that neither Meredith nor Lisa would ever admit to living in fear of anyone, even Jen Shah, and that Mary is lying through her teeth? Am I crazy?)
WILDEST MOMENT: Cynthia's engagement dinner, RHOA
This event was chaotic before it even began. Kenya was the hostess, but Kandi had to pretend to be so people would arrive on time, which they did not. Cynthia and Mike walked in shaking with presidential nerves, completely missing their own wedding hashtag carved into the melty ice sculpture, because a group-text red herring indicated that Joe Biden might be in attendance, which he was not. The slow-dance portion of the evening featured the musical stylings of Kandi, Porsha, and Kenya (who improvised: "chill, chill, chill, chill, we love you… chill, chill, chill, chill"), and dinner devolved into LaToya sharing Kenya's naked photo with the table, prompting shade queen Marlo to imply that Kenya's had work done on her backside, all through which Todd wisely watched basketball on his phone, providing discreet updates to Mike over Kandi's head. Anyway, happy engagement, guys! Sorry Joe couldn't stop by.
👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 Kandi, RHOA
BEST ACCESSORY: The flyswatter Jen brings to the natural spa, RHOSLC
REAL HOUSEKID OF THE WEEK: RHOA's Riley and RHOC's Sophie both got college-bound goodbye montages looking back on their long Real Housewives histories, but the true hero this week was Riley's little brother Ace, who weeps that he wants to go with her: "I want to help her to clean, because she don't like the dirty stuff on her hands. She didn't bring any gloves." A prince among little brothers.
WORST NAME-DROP: Elizabeth trying and failing to get Vince Neil from Mötley Crüe on the phone during a beach day, RHOC
YOUNGEST AT HEART: Kameron, RHOD, who has the culinary preferences and the dinner-time tactics of a four-year-old child, hiding her chicken foot under the table at dim sum
CHEERS TO: Braunwyn, RHOC, who had already come out online but just did on national television, too