The Week in ‘Wives: A RHOA murder mystery, RHOD shopping spree, and RHOSLC farewell
The best, worst, and wildest moments from this week on ‘The Real Housewives.’
We can count ourselves truly blessed this week, o Bravo faithful, and I don't just mean because of Porsha's pre-hog grace and Mary's choir rehearsal. With The Real Housewives of Orange County's COVID-infected 15th season now behind us, we fearlessly entered a brief three-franchise period (New Jersey can't come back soon enough!) but got more than enough drama to pull us through. On the east coast, our Atlanta peaches finally arrived at their South Carolina beach house, where a (fake) murder wasn't even the worst thing to start the trip on a sour note. Down in Dallas, Brandi's birthday continued with pickle shots, a dance lesson, and some you-spank-it-you-buy-it drunk shopping. Finally, the first season of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City drew to a close with Heather's Beauty Lab launch party, where Meredith hid her face and Mary did not hide her eye-rolls. Here are the best, worst, and wildest moments from this week in 'Wives!
HIGH POINT: Beauty Lab + See You Later, RHOSLC
Our ladies of the Lake nailed it on their first season finale. This was a supersized episode with not one moment of filler. Meredith goes avant-garde at a medspa grand opening with a bejeweled full-face mask and still, I can't in good conscience single it out as the lone high point of the week — that is how packed this episode was. From minute one we are enjoying black-and-white PTSD Vegas flashbacks, then learning what "stanchion" means. But things really reach their peak at the end, with Heather's Beauty Lab party. We get Lisa one-liners and Mary smirks. We get a lip-gloss exchange and a bad-Mormon montage. We also get Jen Shah trying to make nice with not one, not two, but three fellow Housewives at a single event featuring recreational oxygen tubes! She doesn't succeed quite well enough, though, to excuse her from a major reunion showdown — which really is the greatest gift of all.
LOW POINT: The trials of motherhood, RHOD
I consider the parallel heartaches of Tiffany and Kary a low point because of their evident pain — and the fact that these Texas moms continue to clash in a moment when they could provide each other meaningful support. Kary was irritable at Brandi's birthday party in large part because her daughter Olivia's depression weighs so heavily on her; later in the episode, she's devastated, too, that her daughter Sofia still can't stand to talk about her parents' divorce. Tiffany closes out the hour with a tearful speech to her husband about having worked so hard her whole life only to feel like she's missing her twin daughters' childhoods for her career, which she can't stand to give up in part because of her parents' expectations. "I don't want to turn into the kind of mom that I had. I want to be a better version," she says — echoing Kary once again, whose parents' divorce cast a shadow over her own childhood. Oh, Tiffany! Oh, Kary! Can't you see you're on the same side?
WILDEST MOMENT: Contraband crab cakes, RHOA
Does Kenya actually think she's being a good hostess (or a good friend) on this beach trip? Even disregarding the shady room assignments and private-plane power move, her secret crab cake will haunt me for the rest of my days. She kept saying there was food in the refrigerator that everyone was welcome to prepare for themselves, but since it wasn't good enough for her — and everyone else in the house chose to simply starve rather than eat it — I kind of don't trust that excuse. Furthermore, even if she was absolutely not going to take responsibility for everyone else's appetites, it is the very least she could do to hit up the group text and say that everyone's on their own for lunch but she's ordering crab cakes and apparently multiple banana splits, if anyone else cares to join. The very least!
👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 Drew, RHOA
ON A PERSONAL NOTE: I recently discovered that I share a birthday with salsa-dancing Aquarius Sharrieff Shah himself, so I expect invites to all future hip-hop-and-golf-themed parties, for which I am already planning my wardrobe. So just look out!!!
POTATO, POTAHTO: You say charcuterie board, Stephanie says spanking stick, RHOD
WHAT THE PUMP?! Onetime RHOBH queen bee Lisa Vanderpump is serving up a "naughty" new dinner-party series on Bravo's sister network, E!.
BEST NEW RIVALRY: The Nieces vs. The Aunties, RHOA
NAME A MORE ICONIC DUO: I'll wait. (RHOSLC)