The Week in 'Wives: RHOP rumors, RHOA tensions, RHOC secrets, and RHOSLC tracksuits

Merry Christmas, Bravoholics! Andy Claus gave us the best gift of all this year: an uninterrupted Real Housewives schedule. That’s right, just because it was a holiday didn’t mean we had to miss out on a single second of the ongoing RHOP reunion, in which Gizelle kept her cool through all that Jamal talk and Ashley promptly dismissed some rather damning butt-grabbing footage starring (who else?) Michael. Down in Atlanta, Porsha got out of jail once again and RHOA new girl Drew got her husband Ralph to agree to marriage counseling. Out west, our RHOC ladies tested their ax-throwing skills (except for Shannon, who only tests positive for COVID); and the RHOSLC cast experienced some major family moments. Read on for the highlights from this festive week in ‘wives!

HIGH POINT: Heather’s “coming-out,” RHOSLC

We’ve seen Heather confide in Whitney over watered-down well drinks about her ambivalence towards the Mormon Church, where she’s felt rejected rather than supported in her lowest moments and where she finds more judgment than community as she tries to rebuild her life post-divorce. It was deeply affecting, though, to see her “come out” to her three teenage daughters as wanting to leave the Church, opening up about how she was living a “double life” trying to keep her commitment to it, for their sakes, while also wanting to find herself. They are as sweet and loving and supportive as I’ve ever seen Bravo offspring, telling her that her honest journey has taught them to live their own lives with that same authenticity. “It makes me want to weep,” Heather says in a confessional. “I don’t deserve these kids.” Darling Heather! Yes, you do!

LOW POINT: Cynthia’s wedding planning, RHOA

The planning of a Real Housewives wedding should be a joyous occasion. I want to see where the aerialist will be stationed. I am desperate to hear about the slightly complicated color-coordinated dress code. My life will not be complete without a glimpse of the bride’s hoop earrings with the wedding date stamped across them in huge gold-plated numbering. However!!! These sacred things become the source of great distress when they all happen amid a global pandemic, responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans. This is not the time to throw a party, nuptial or otherwise, for 250 people! And it is never the time to claim you’re just “keeping your options open” when you really know exactly what you want and are in fact willing it into fruition, health and safety of your nearest and dearest be damned.

WILDEST MOMENT: Elizabeth opens up, RHOC

Elizabeth’s mismatched comments about herself and her history have never fully checked out, and this week didn’t answer all those questions so much as it added another layer — which did at least begin to clarify why she’d been so cagey before. At the end of the episode, following her initial confrontation with Braunwyn for digging around in her past, she broke down on a hike and hinted at the trauma of her childhood. “But I’m not going to tell all the girls that,” an edgy Elizabeth said. “Oh, by the way, I was in a religious f---ing cult growing up that told me to shut my mouth or I’d be thrown under a bridge!” She finished this hypothetical bomb-drop with her classic nervous laugh, but even Braunwyn couldn't keep up a steady stream of soothing reassurances: “You can tell whoever you wa… what? What?” Girl, same.

👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 Dorinda, RHONY. It’s Christmas!

BEST TRACKSUIT: Oh my gosh, no contest: It’s the one (1) designed by Brooks Marks (the double -ks is killer), RHOSLC

EX-’WIFE ON OUR MINDS: Our dear old friend Katie Rost, appearing in the form of vague hookup rumors, RHOP

TIMELIEST POP CULTURE REFERENCE: “WAP” talk, RHOA

WEAKEST TEA OF THE WEEK: Jen, RHOSLC, with a halfhearted tale about some guy referring to Meredith as the love of his life this one time in New York, or something

BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER: Who’s ready for a supersize RHOP reunion part three?

Related stories:

• The Week in ’Wives: An RHOP reunion, RHOA introduction, RHOC and RHOSLC getaways
• The Real Housewives of Potomac reunion recap: Buckle up Andy, I ain’t done
• The Real Housewives of Orange County recap: Elizabeth confronts Braunwyn and her secret past
• The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City recap: Self-titled sweatpants