The Week in 'Wives: RHOA Christmas, RHONJ mom time, and RHOD '80s glam
The best, worst, and wildest moments from this week on The Real Housewives.
The past two weeks had Bravoholics buzzing with the release of The Real Housewives of New York City and The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills trailers, but before those beloved franchises kick off new seasons, the currently running ones are barreling toward their own dramatic conclusions. The Real Housewives of Atlanta had its season finale this week with a Christmas party that featured two llamas, seven luxurious presents, and one most unwelcome wig. Next, The Real Housewives of Dallas threw it back to the '80s, where they found a lot of sparkly eyeshadow and danced on furniture, not unlike just a normal day for them in the 2020s. Finally, The Real Housewives of New Jersey unveiled a first look at Margaret's memoir and the first few tidbits about Teresa's boyfriend. Here are the best, worst, and wildest moments from this week in 'wives!
HIGH POINT: Who shot J.R.? RHOD
Ignorant skeptics might say that all The Real Housewives shows are the same, but we true believers understand how the city in which everything takes place gives each franchise its own distinct, irreplaceable identity. To that, here are the Dallas 'wives having a Dallas weekend at Southfork Ranch! There are character-themed rooms! There is big hair! There's D'Andra demonstrating her best '80s dance move, which is just her pantomiming doing lines of coke! There is absolutely no way the murder mystery party, begun at the episode's conclusion, is going to go swimmingly, but I can't wait to see how it inevitably implodes.
LOW POINT: Teresa's exit, RHONJ
Teresa is not always the hero on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but my heart genuinely does break for her whenever she is overcome with grief over the loss of her parents. This week, when Jennifer hosted a Turkish tea party for the ladies and their mothers (in an effort to cheer up her own), all the women in the room reflected on how they handled a certain parenting event (sigh… see below) between the two generations present, prompting Teresa to break down, devastated that her own mom couldn't be there too. Visibly emotional and expressing a wish to go see her mother, a tearful Tre had to excuse herself from the well-intentioned event.
WILDEST MOMENT: The white elephant in the room, RHOA
This week's wildest moment was really also a high point — if we're talking price point. It's Christmas in Georgia, where Cynthia raises the white elephant spending limit to $1,000. The ensuing gift exchange was a hilarious parade of Housewives decadence: Kenya gave diamond earrings. Cynthia gave a Tiffany set that was much disdained by Porsha, who gave Baccarat perfume and a Gucci bag. Kandi gave an iPhone 12! Marlo sent a shoebox filled with $1,000 in cash! Then Drew had to ruin the whole thing with a "gag gift" — which would have been tacky but fine if everyone else had brought $25 scented candles like they do when my friends exchange presents, but Shamea is out here gifting Chanel and Drew thinks she's being funny with her old wig and a possibly illegal voice recording? To quote Porsha, as Drew triumphantly plays the cassette tape that literally nobody asked for about a drama that not a soul cares about: "I would like to turn the channel on this soap opera."
👑 QUEEN OF THE WEEK 👑 D'Andra, RHOD
ALUMNI NEWSLETTER: RHONY OG Bethenny will soon be on HBO Max, trying to find somebody to run this goddamn circus in an intense reality competition. Still can't be scarier than Sonja's internship program.
MOST DISTRESSING MOTHERING MOMENT: A tie between Drew trying to foster a relationship between her young son and his incarcerated biological father on RHOA and Melissa trying to have the birds-and-the-bees talk with her teenage daughter on RHONJ. It's not really the events themselves that were so unfortunate — both 'wives clearly just want the best for their children — but why on earth did poor Josiah and Antonia have to have these moments on camera?
HEROIC HOUSEHUSBAND OF THE WEEK: Jeremy, RHOD
CRUCIAL VOCABULARY LESSON: "Narc" is not, in fact, short for "narcissist," whatever LaToya may tell you on RHOA.