Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, and more hosts face the uncertainty: "We don't know what's gonna happen."

By Nick Romano
November 03, 2020 at 09:33 AM EST
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Late-night hosts, like Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers, addressed the coming uncertainties that Election Day as all the ballots—including mail-in ballots—are counted. But one thing is fo sure, says Stephen Colbert, "we gotta dump this loser" Donald Trump.

Colbert issued a lengthier warning during his Late Show monologue Monday night. “You see," he began, "I think everyone has made up their mind — back in 2017, in fact. Have you seen Trump’s approval numbers? That’s flatter than the Black Rock Desert. You could set a land-speed record on 44 percent. So, to quote Jim Lovell from Apollo 13, ‘Isaac Newton is in the driver’s seat now.’ "

"We are in the grip of the gravitational forces of democracy, which are pulling us toward the results," he continued. "It’s like our country is a deep-space object falling toward a black hole. Either we’re going to get sucked over the event horizon into a well of corruption that not even moats can escape from, or we’ll use this gravity well to slingshot and pick up speed and go off in an entirely new direction. Maybe that planet where Baby Yoda lives. He’s cute.”

John Oliver, after making his final pre-Election Day case to vote out Trump on Last Week Tonight, became the top interview on the Late Show. He described the overwhelming feeling of voting for the first time as an American citizen, which he became in December last year.

"Scanning [the ballot] into the machine and the machine saying your vote has been counted, I nearly burst into tears," Oliver told Colbert. "That is the truth. My eyes got misty and I thought, 'I don't know if I can cry in a voting station.' "

"Twenty-four hours from now, our national nightmare... will be contested for weeks," Jimmy Kimmel said on his show. "The best way to describe how I'm feeling right now, it's somewhere between Christmas Eve and the night before a liver transplant."

Kimmel remarked that "nobody knows what's gonna happen," but that he has a solution to help American voters get through Election Night. It's called tequila.

"Tequila is an alcoholic liquid that tastes great and hits hard," Kimmel said as he joined Guillermo for a shot. "And trust me, either way this goes tomorrow night, you're gonna be glad you had some on hand."

On The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah remarked how "America is going full Mad Max right now." He was referring to news about caravans of Trump supporters blocking traffic, other Trump-ers threatened a Joe Biden-Kamala Harris campaign bus, and physical clashes between supporters of both candidates.

"Trump might deny encouraging these people, but then why was he riding on the back? It's irresponsible," Noah said as an image of Trump as Immortan Joe from Mad Max: Fury Road emerged on the screen. "You know s--- is real when even the White House is putting up extra fences and barriers," he added.

Seth Meyers focused his "A Closer Look" segment from Late Night on Trump's last pre-election promises to his supporters, including suggesting that he might fire Dr. Anthony Fauci.

"You're gonna fire one of the country's most trusted scientists in the middle of a pandemic?" Meyers said. "Who are you going to replace him with? Zombie Pavarotti?" The host had previously noted how Trump told a story at one of his rallies about how late opera singer Luciano Pavarotti liked him.

"This is where Trump's at right now, his record is so horrendous he has nothing else to talk about other than rambling incoherently about long dead celebrities who were nice to him 20 years ago," Meyers said. "In fact, with one day left in the pre-election news cycle, Trump decided that regaling his crowds with bizarre backstage encounters with opera singers wasn't enough."

Which brings us back to Fauci. "I can't believe this is Trump's closing message for the last day of the campaign," Meyers continued. "Trump says stuff like this because he doesn't think he's accountable to public opinion. Remember he lost the popular vote, escaped impeachment, and has never had a majority approval rating once in his presidency. He thinks our anti-democratic institutions like the Senate and the Electoral College and the Supreme Court will protect him and he's been broadcasting as much, announcing that he'll use the courts to potentially steal the election by prematurely declaring victory and shutting down the count."

To go back to something Kimmel said, tequila for Election Night is looking like a mighty fine companion.

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