How to know if your squad is Good Girls level

If Good Girls has taught us anything it’s that if you give a gangster a cookie, he’ll want you to launder money. Oh, and how to raise the bar for your squad. Here’s how you know if you and your Girls are in formation.

In episode 3 Ruby inadvertently put a bullet in hoser Big Mike’s foot. “He’s being a baby. He’s gonna live. He may not walk again, but he’s about to get the best free care socialized medicine can buy,” Beth generously offered before Annie chipped in with, “We should all be so lucky.”

“Those better be donuts. Those better not be whack-a– cheese Danish,” Ruby warned the Girls as they handed her a bakery box in episode 5. Turned out there was cheddar involved, but it wasn’t the kind you eat. Annie and Beth gave Ruby their entire cut to help pay her daughter’s hospital bill.

In episode 2 Ruby shouted,”WHAT AM I EVEN LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW?” at the sight of a hog-tied Boomer in Beth’s backyard. But not only did Ruby quickly get on board, she also came up with the plan to use Boomer’s kidnapping to help them with their Rio dinero problems.

In episode 5, after Annie slept with sales clerk Brian who then threw out a receipt she desperately needed, the Girls took trash talk to a whole new level. When Ruby found a diaper amidst all of the rubbish, Annie took it as a sign that perhaps they’re close to Brian’s garbage (since he has a baby). “It’s adult,” Ruby responded, barely above a whisper. Thankfully Beth found the paper – underneath Brian’s daughter’s artwork. Ew. 

Hyped on the idea of revenge and solving their cash flow problems, Annie frantically searched for coffee in Beth’s kitchen in order to feed her body more caffeine in episode 8. When she finally found the Green Mountain stash she was so desperate for, Annie sang, “Daaaark maaagic!” as Ruby called out, “YOU KNOW!” The call and response: only the best squads have ’em.

Who could’ve guessed the O-est G was Dress Barn model Mary Pat? But in episode 7 the Girls managed to handle her unwillingness to fall in line — at least until the next month.

In the second episode, the Girls tried to break into Marion’s house. While they were in the process of committing a felony, they relied on the internet for a lock picking how-to. Though the Girls were ultimately unsuccessful, it was their fast talking that earned them entry into Marion’s home…and heart.

OK, so Marion was more Girls-adjacent, however, you can’t deny that when she told her own flesh and blood in episode 6, “I love you, Leslie, I do, but Annie’s not the loser here,” it earned her some major Squad points.

Because Stan runs his mouth when he’s high, in episode 9 Ruby turned to Mary Jane for help. Unfortunately Ruby also succumbed to MJ’s siren call and got so high that she couldn’t remember what recon work she had to do. As Stan raided their son’s lunch box for munchies, Ruby called Annie and asked to put Annie on speakerphone so that she could talk to Stan. Annie assured her that would be super weird, but at least she was able to remind Ruby to ask Stan about the truck.

While the possibility of smuggling drugs where the sun doesn’t shine was raised in episode 3, it wasn’t until the next installment when Ruby told Rio in no uncertain terms: “For the record, I’ll never smuggle anything up my butt.” Annie, however, countered, “I could be talked into it if the compensation was…appropriate.”

OK, OK, ladies, now let’s get in formation.