The funniest stats you'll read today, as AFV prepares to unleash its 700th episode.
Courtesy of AFV

Wheel out the cake with trick candles! America's Funniest Home Videos slips and falls into its 700th episode and 32nd season on Sunday at 7 p.m. ET/PT on ABC. Launched way back in November 1989 — so long ago that The Simpsons was still three weeks away from premiering — the chipper, goofy crowdsourced clip series served as YouTube before there was YouTube, in a more quaint era when the best way to make a viral video was to hand your friend a dubbed VHS tape. Thirty two years later, AFV continues to churn out a miscellany of high jinks ranging from wipeouts to pass-outs, from nitwits to groin hits, from trampoline trauma to cat-seeing-its-reflection drama, and from mischievous babies to people dancing like they have rabies.

Given that the show has accumulated an overwhelming arsenal of viewer-generated footage, EW asked AFV executive producer and staff historian Michele Nasraway to comb through her database (which catalogs 1.7 million aired and unaired clips) and crunch a bunch of numbers to quantify all this absurdity. "'Catching dogs who just did something naughty' is one of my favorite categories, because the dog's personality is immediately revealed," notes Nasraway, who has worked on the show since season 1. "Some of them accept the blame right away and steel themselves for the human interrogation with a bowed head and shifty eyes. Others try to diffuse the situation with their cuteness: 'Oops, ha-ha, yes, I just tore the couch to bits, silly me. Let's have a cuddle?' Those are the ones who run the house."

Who and what else has had run of the AFV house over the last few decades? Let us marvel at the many manic ways that mirth is manufactured.

Number of clips aired: 41,717

Number of dog clips: 5,362

Number of cat clips: 1,793

Number of people slipping/falling down: 3,106

Number of treadmill mishaps: 83

Number of above-ground pool collapses: 24

Number of groin hits: 904 (in the AFV library: 6,348)

Number of post-anesthesia recovery freakouts: 45

Number of Halloween scares: 140

Number of kids wishing for a "new mommy" while blowing out birthday candles: 3

Number of babies caught in the act or who just did something naughty: 45

Number of dogs caught in the act or who just did something naughty: 93

Number of cats chasing bears away: 5

Number of people swallowing a bug while riding a roller coaster: 3

Number of wedding faints: 53

Number of rings lost in the middle of a proposal or wedding: 9

Number of bowlers breaking ceiling tiles with errant throws: 7

Number of people relaxing in their living room being violently interrupted by someone falling through the ceiling: 5

Number of times you will watch the following cat montage, which will be featured in the 700th episode: ?

Courtesy of AFY

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