The Bachelor season 24 preview: Peter cuddles with red-herring Hannah

Wow, last night was quite eventful for former The Bachelorette star Hannah Brown, wasn’t it, rose lovers? First, she competed in the Dancing With the Stars finale (no spoilers, but you can read all about the winner here), and then she served as a professional red herring in the first full teaser for season 24 of The Bachelor.

The trailer starts out exactly as you’d expect: We see Pilot Pete flying a prop plane, and then washing said prop plane shirtless, as one does:

We hear a bunch of different “ladies” squealing and gushing about how hawt the Bachelor is (“Like, I just want to lick him up and down!”). And then comes the make-out montage, along with Peter’s choppy voiceover confession: “I have been intimate.”

Question: Is Peter murdering someone here? Or is she about to stab him, and the cameras were only able to shoot the scene through a frosted glass door? Discuss.

We all know what comes next, right rose lovers? Of course: THE CRYING!

Finally, the sequence that launched 1,000 click-bait headlines. Former Bachelorette Hannah Brown shows up! (And it appears to be the second time, if this teaser from The Bachelor‘s official Instagram account is any indication.) She and Peter seem to be having a “private” conversation, though the soundbites we hear from Hannah are pretty clearly stitched together from different moments. She says, “I know there’s still something there” in voiceover, and then we see her say to Peter, “…and I would do anything for a relationship.” While it’s unclear what exactly is going on, it seems our new Bachelor LOVES it.

And now, it’s Peter’s turn to throw Bachelor Nation for a loop. “What I’m about to say is extremely crazy,” he says to Hannah. “What would you say if I asked you to come… be part of that?” Um, she’d probably say, “Huh? Was that a complete sentence?” Apparently, we’re supposed to interpret this as Peter asking Hannah to be a contestant on The Bachelor. Okay, sure. Who knows what her response will be, but I think I can guess: “Sorry, bro, but I’ve got to get back to the Dancing With the Stars studio. They only let me out for an hour.”

Still, it’s fun to pretend, isn’t it? And this whole Hannah fake-out is worth it, simply for this shot of one of the “ladies” screaming from behind a wrought-iron fence, as though she’s watching a friend get dismembered in Jigsaw’s chamber.

Simmer down, sweetie. The only thing at risk of dying here is your dignity.

Let the countdown begin, rose lovers! Will you be watching The Bachelor when it premieres on Jan. 6? Post your thoughts below.

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• Bachelor Peter Weber is back to filming after ‘golf cart mishap’
• The Bachelor season 24: Meet the women!