On Monday’s Tonight Show, the host brought out two cows to the ranch-themed set and challenged Kutcher to see who could milk the most in 30 seconds. The stakes were high: the loser would have to go into the audience and proclaim, “I’m sorry I didn’t milk the cow better.”
Things started going wrong immediately.
“My cow is pooping,” Kutcher said, freaking out. “My cow just dropped a deuce, dude.” A lot of crazy stuff happens on late night, but a cow going number 2 in front of a live audience may just be a first.
Fallon was later forced to walk away due to his cow’s strong smell, and even the perpetually-chill Questlove looked like he was succumbing to the mooderous odors.
But Kutcher managed to keep the jokes (and milk) flowing. “Breakfaaast! Does anybody have any Cheerios?” he quipped.
After the 30 seconds were up, Fallon was more than happy to be finished with the competition. “That was one of the most insane things I’ve ever had to sit next to. I don’t know how you did that,” Fallon said. “It’s the mustache,” Kutcher offered.
But it was Fallon who came out on top, filling up a sizable glass compared to Kutcher’s “dribble” of milk. “That’s how you milk a cow right there!” Fallon declared victoriously.
The Ranch, Netflix’s longest-running multi-camera sitcom to date, is airing its final season on Friday. The comedy series also stars Debra Winger, Elisha Cuthbert, and Sam Elliott.