Ballers is back for more ballin’ — but, like most people, the return of HBO’s highest-rated comedy (#facts) has me wondering about one of pop culture’s biggest unanswered questions: Who is Ballers‘ biggest baller?
Ever since I first heard Lil’ Troy’s “Wanna be a Baller,” I have indeed wanted to be a baller, and that dream only grew bigger when Dwayne Johnson debuted the more financially responsible, sports version of Entourage. And, after watching four seasons of football players (and now extreme sports guys?) living a lavish lifestyle, I don’t know if I’m finally a baller (that’s not for me to say), but it is enough for me to rank Ballers‘ ballers. And if you’re asking what the criteria is for being a baller, then you never stood a chance at being one.
Ball on for the results of the investigation from the same man who decided once and for all who the fastest and furiousest person in Fast & Furious is.
Living off of your childhood friend isn’t a very baller move.
Letting your childhood friend live off of your success is a pretty baller move, but that’s where it stops for this cuddly, innocent Dallas Cowboy.
On the surface, Charles isn’t very baller-y. He was an offensive lineman, which isn’t a very glamorous position, and then he retired to become a car salesman, which also isn’t a very glamorous position, and his wife Julie is the real baller pulling the strings in this family. And yet, he proves to be somewhat a baller by surely becoming the first car salesman-turned-general manager of a professional football team.
7. Jay Glazer
Jay Glazer is technically a journalist, but he’s managed to be friends with all these athletes, train them, and get involved with their shenanigans. Like, you don’t see me grabbing dinner with Will Smith. So Glazer is about as baller as a journalist can be, which means a baller to a point.
No one on Ballers wants to be a baller more than Joe. I mean, this show basically exists because he hired Spencer solely so he could hang with athletes. And through four seasons, he’s tried really hard — and it’s worked out pretty well for him.
The CEO of SportsX is a very different type of baller than the rest of the people on this list, but you’ve got to be a pretty big baller to pull off leather pants that tight!
4. Terrell Suggs
The Arizona Cardinals linebacker’s baller credentials: He’s a Super Bowl champion, former NFL Defensive Player of the Year, future Hall of Famer, and fought Spencer live on TV.
Everything about Spencer screams baller, from his fire suits to his playing career to his success with the ladies to his impressive (in a short-time) business résumé. Well, everything except for him always being broke. Actually, on second thought, that might be a true sign of a baller…
Upon meeting Ricky Jerret, I’m not sure if there was a bigger baller existed. This is a man who is out here punching fans, sleeping with a teammate’s mom, and writing $5 million checks to friends. But fatherhood, injuries, and the return of his own father has changed him…into someone who is still a pretty big baller, just not as big.
It doesn’t matter that our favorite agent has never stepped on the field. Not only is he with a new gorgeous young lady every time we see him, Jason is probably richer than any of his clients and it’s all because he makes a few phone calls for them as they’re throwing their bodies on the line. Plus, he was born to be a baller!
Ballers returns to HBO for season 5 on Sunday at 10:30 p.m. ET.