Welcome to the Bad Place, Jason Mendoza.
Wednesday marked the end of an era for our favorite Jacksonville Jaguars fan and a wealth of The Good Place jokes. Blake Bortles, who after looking like a draft bust early in his career, rose from the ashes two years ago to lead the Jaguars to within minutes of the Super Bowl and looked like the team’s quarterback of the future, all while becoming a hilarious recurring gag on the beloved NBC comedy, on which Jason (Manny Jacinto) was the afterlife’s biggest Jaguars fan. And not just a fan of the team, but of Bortles, so much so that he adopted the alter-ego of Jake Jortles.
But now, in what was a mere formality, the Jaguars have moved on from Bortles, releasing him following a disappointing season that saw the 26-year-old benched and the Jaguars falling to a disappointing 5-11 record. The effect of the move was felt immediately in The Good Place family with writer Megan Amram simply tweeting “Bortles” with the single-tear emoji.
This twist isn’t surprising since last November amid a seven game losing streak, Bortles was benched as he became so bad that he probably couldn’t even hit a boat with a Molotov cocktail. And after a thorough investigation, EW concluded that the team and quarterback were indeed jinxed by the show and Maya Rudolph’s Judge declaring the Jaguars “good” and Bortles “kind of okay, maybe.”
So where does The Good Place go from here when it returns in the fall, and how will poor Jason deal with the loss of the most important person in his life not named Pillboi? Well, first off, with Bortles at least temporarily having some downtime, the producers need to be on the phone with him ASAP for a cameo. Maybe he’s the unknown person who Shawn sent to the Good Place to mess with Jason?! And would Jason dare take his loyalties to whatever team brings in Bortles next? Actually, no, Jason’s way too loyal — he’s ride or die with Team Jaguars and Team Coackroach.
While we wait for those possible answers, let’s evaluate if Bortles’ replacement on the Jaguars, 2018 Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles, could also somehow replace Bortles’ comedy on The Good Place. His name doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as Blake Bortles (what does?), and it’s even harder to match Jake Jortles. I guess the possibilities would be Jick Joles. Or Dick Doles. Or Rick Roles. Wait, oh my god, Rick Roles, as in Rick Roll’d! Okay, I’m sold.
Welcome to The Good Place, Nick Foles — and Rick Roles.