What President Trump’s State of the Union “lacked in quality, it made up for in length,” cracked Stephen Colbert, who, with his fellow late-night hosts, did his part by skewering the presidential address on Tuesday night.
“This speech was like watching paint lie,” Colbert added from the Late Show stage.
“Between the Super Bowl and the State of the Union, that’s six hours of our lives we’ll never get back,” The Tonight Show‘s Jimmy Fallon joked.
“He spoke for so long, [Special Counsel] Robert Mueller handed down five more indictments,” Jimmy Kimmel Live‘s titular host said.
Seth Meyers and James Corden added to the flurry of succulent zingers across their respective programs, like this one from Late Night: “Understanding what Trump is saying at any given moment can be difficult for casual observers let alone professional politicians who are used to normal human syntax, which might explain why at one point it seems [House Speaker] Nancy Pelosi was reading along with a printed copy of the speech. She looks like a babysitter reading the rules of a board game while the kids are just chucking game pieces at each other. She looks like she’s checking a Playbill to see who the understudy is: ‘Oh, it’s Alec Baldwin!'”
Trump’s SOTU ran for approximately 80 minutes after it was initially postponed due to the government shutdown. Behind him sat Pelosi and Vice President Mike Pence, the latter applauding multiple times for Trump as Republicans shouted “USA” at one point.
The president’s message was apparently about unity, but Kimmel quipped, “Trump talked more about fighting aliens tonight than Sigourney Weaver,” referring to Trump’s repeat fear-mongering about illegal aliens and his hoped-for border wall.
Trump also claimed, “An economic miracle is taking place in the United States and the only thing that could stop it are foolish wars, politics, or ridiculous partisan investigations.” To that, Colbert said in his Trump voice, “You heard me, you get the truth or a functioning economy. Keep in mind, I turned this sucker off for a month over a wall. You think I won’t burn this place to the ground to stay out of jail?”
Watch all the clips above and below. When combined together, they get close to the full length of Trump’s SOTU — and they may not make you feel as bad.