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October 18, 2018 at 11:55 AM EDT

Well, that was quite an exit. Natalia Azoqa was blindsided on the latest Survivor: David vs. Goliath, and she did not go out quietly. Her mix of shock, anger, and confusion while having her torch snuffed made for great television. But how is she feeling now that the dust has settled? We asked Natalia all about Alec flipping on her. Why did he do it? Is she still upset by the move? What was her fatal flaw in the game that led to that moment? We asked Natalia all that and more when she called into EW Morning Live (EW Radio, SiriusXM, channel 105). Here are some highlights from our chat.

David M. Russell/CBS

EW RADIO: You said during Tribal Council, “If I go home tonight with guns blazing, I’m happy.” Well, the guns were blazing but you did not look particularly happy.
NATALIE AZOQA: Oh, no, no no. I was not.

Describe what was going through your head when you saw that vote come up?
Honestly, I had a feeling the whole day something was off. I think that’s one of the main reasons I was acting so paranoid and I wasn’t really getting any reassurances that I needed from what I thought was my core alliance of Kara, because she was not seeing what I was seeing. At the vote, when you see Alec talking to Elizabeth, it really didn’t make any sense to me because Kara was supposed to vote for Davie, and Alec was supposed to vote for Elizabeth with me. Davie was totally on board with voting for Elizabeth. I was so determined that an idol was going to be in play. I thought for sure that Elizabeth had the idol. I didn’t think Davie had it.

But when Alec talked to Elizabeth I was like, this is not supposed to be happening. There is literally no reason for him to talk to her and I knew I was going to be put up. But when you have Kara thinking that Alec was not doing any harm, it kind of made me annoyed because I’m like, clearly he’s not with us and if I don’t have Kara on board I can’t make a big move to make Kara or Elizabeth flip at that point because they have already talked to Alec for God knows how long. So I was literally left to myself, and at that point I believed Kara was playing me too. Because I was like, if she’s not seeing this, is it only me? Am I on the outs from her? I definitely was kind of going crazy, and that’s when you’re going to see some of my bossiness come out because that’s my defense.

How upset were you getting then once you saw that whispering from Alec?
As a viewer, I always want to know what is being said, so this whispering is one thing I told myself going into the game that I would not do. So when Alec starts whispering, I was like, “Seriously, what is going on right now? Do you really need to whisper?” I almost wanted to tell him, “If you have to say something, say it out loud. Because at this point it is pretty obvious what you are telling her. There’s no need to be whispering.”

When he then started whispering to Kara, I got even more annoyed because I have to tell you at this point that Kara an Alec weren’t really that close. So to see him whispering to her made me angry because I thought I was closer with you, Alec, and I was closer with Kara. And so for me to be on the outs with those two really irked me. I just knew I was going home so I wasn’t happy about it. And then Kara whispering to me was her telling me that Alec said it was fine and it was just basically confirming the vote with her and again, there is nothing to confirm with her. There was absolutely no reason! I kept telling Kara, it’s just absolutely stupid that he’s doing that. I kept asking her, “Are you voting for me?” Because I couldn’t tell if she was lying or not. But she wasn’t lying.

How long did it take you to calm down from that betrayal?
I was angry all the way to Ponderosa. It wasn’t until I met a few people that I hadn’t met before that I got a little distracted. But I think I talked about Alec like every day I could because I was just angry.

What was it like watching those Tribal Council moments back on TV?
At Tribal Council I would say that I thought it was worse than I thought. So I was a little bit pleased at how it went down. In my head I think I was going a little bit more crazy than I was. At the camp, I was a little bit upset at how I was acting towards them. I remember I got really angry right before we went to Tribal Council. I came back from an interview and they were all sleeping and I was like, we’re about to go to Tribal Council. I’m not feeling confident and Davie and Alec and Kara were all cuddling in the blankets and I felt on the outs again and I didn’t feel comfortable. I woke them up and they were just angry. You could tell they were in a dead sleep and I woke them up because I wanted to confirm the vote and that’s why I was aggressively telling them, “Okay, just go back to sleep.” I think it was half-anger and half “okay, I’m being annoying right now, let me get out of the situation.”

You only see the second half of it, but I’m just trying to understand what was happening. So from my point of view, that’s kind of what happened. But again, I was being really bossy and I wasn’t aware I was coming off like that. On one hand, it’s shocking, but I was really, really anxious the whole day.

Alec said he didn’t trust you and didn’t think you trusted him. Did you trust him?
No, I did not trust him. And one of the reasons is I tried so hard with Alec on the Goliath tribe. You see us buddy-buddy on the Goliath tribe, but mainly it’s because the three girls were trying to make an alliance with the three guys. The one person we could not pull in was Alec. I should have seen that as a red flag but it wasn’t until right before we swapped that I got the vibe that it really wasn’t going to work with Alec. But when we swapped, I thought, okay, for sure he’s going to work with Kara and I. We have the numbers, and Alec was in a good position because he was friends with a lot of people and we really were trying to stay Goliath strong. We really tried to enforce that mentality in all of us.

Now would I have switched it up like Alec did if it was necessary? Of course. But I made it very clear to Alec and he knew I was trying. I was trying so hard to work with him and I wasn’t getting anything in return. So I couldn’t really be honest with him. And I think Alec knew about the idol at this point Obviously we knew about it, but we didn’t know he knew about it. So maybe if he had shared that we originally knew about the idol we would have built that trust with him.

Anything we didn’t see from this season that you wish had made the show?
The only thing is I wish they had showed me smiling and laughing more, because I had a lot of fun on the island and became friends with almost every single person on the Goliath tribe on a personal level. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the same for Natalie, and I do wish that instead of hearing me talk about Natalie they would have shown some of the fun moments I had with other people. And that’s the only thing I wish. The mean girl does come out to play, but that’s not what defines me.

Also make sure to read what Jeff Probst had to say about Natalia in this week’s and check out our episode recap as well as our exit interview with Bi. And for more Survivor scoop, follow Dalton on Twitter @DaltonRoss.

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