Stephen Colbert on Justice Anthony Kennedy's retirement: 'We are supremely screwed'
How can you make light of a situation that’s being referred to as “a seismic political event”? Stephen Colbert did his best addressing the retirement of Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy on The Late Show Wednesday night, but it was full of those all-is-lost moments.
“We are supremely screwed,” he said. “I look forward to [CNN’s] Wolf Blitzer in 2021: ‘In the end, this Supreme Court case will be decided by the swing vote, Justice Meat Loaf.'”
Colbert also warned of potential “huge repercussions.” Kennedy had been a swing vote in multiple Supreme Court cases, including the 2015 Obergefell v. Hodges case that legalized same-sex marriage and 1992’s Planned Parenthood of Southeastern Pennsylvania v. Casey that upheld Roe v. Wade. Now, with Kennedy’s retirement coming after July 31, President Trump will have the ability to nominate someone for that vacant seat and potentially implement a conservative majority in the Supreme Court.
“Enjoy your gay marriages now ’cause as of Aug. 1 you’re back to being roommates,” quipped Colbert.
The Late Show host also slammed Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, reminding his audience that, during Barack Obama’s term, McConnell infamously refused to let the Senate vote on the president’s Supreme Court nomination to succeed Justice Scalia. Now, he says, “It’s imperative the president’s nominee be considered fairly.”
“Oh really?!” Colbert responded. “That’s like Typhoid Mary saying, ‘Read the sign, guys. All employees must wash hands.'”
Over on The Daily Show, host Trevor Noah had some words of his own. “That sound you’re hearing right now? That’s [Vice President] Mike Pence having his first orgasm,” Noah joked. “He’s like, ‘I cast you out, semen!'”
He, too, pointed out how “in 2016 Mitch McConnell stole Obama’s Supreme Court pick,” Mission: Impossible style. If Trump is Pinky from Animaniacs, Noah called McConnell the Brain.
Watch the clips above.
The Late Show