May 17, 2018 at 11:02 AM EDT


TV Show
Comedy, Drama
run date
Gabriel Macht, Rick Hoffman, Sarah Rafferty
USA Network
Current Status
In Season

If by some chance you DIDN’T score an invite to Prince Harry and Suits star Meghan Markle’s big day on Saturday, May 19, here’s the perfect 24-hour schedule to transform your ordinary routine into a wedding — and couch— adjacent fairy tale. BYO tea and crumpets.

*Note: We politely request you call out sick from work on Friday in order to complete your royal wedding duties. Thanks ever so much.


12:00 p.m. Begin the romantic ride by revisiting the 2014 Fox reality show I Wanna Marry “Harry,” perhaps accompanied by a mimosa (or six) to commiserate that you did not, in fact, get to marry Harry.

2:00 p.m. Watch an early episode of USA’s Suits to remember Markle as the common U.S. civilian she once was.

3:00 p.m. For afternoon tea, binge The Great British Baking Show for scone recipe inspiration.

5:00 p.m. Screen the Lifetime original movie Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance. You will cringe. Rosé will help.

6:30 p.m. Over dinner, thumb through Rachel Hawkins’ YA novel Royals so you can at least say you read a book this weekend.

8:00 p.m. Peruse Smithsonian Channel’s Million Dollar American Princesses: Meghan Markle for facts and whatnot.

10:00 p.m. Watch Fox’s Meghan Markle: An American Princess to get one last burst of patriotic pride.

11:59 p.m. Meditate


12 a.m. Get six and a half hours of rest, dreaming sweetly of summers at Balmoral and well-mannered corgis. (R.I.P. Willow).

6:30 a.m. Wake and dress for the occasion. Pop on a fascinator (the uglier, the better!) and channel your best Princess Beatrice for the day.

7:00 a.m. It’s wedding time! Pour yourself a stiff gin and take a sip every time you recognize an aristocrat, a celebrity, or one of Harry’s exes during the processional. If the Queen smiles: Finish your drink.

8:00 a.m. Spend an hour investigating the Windsor Castle location tag on Instagram for eyewitness photos of the newlywed couple.

9:00 a.m. Spice up your life with a tipsy Britpop dance party, celebrating five other English princesses.

10:00 a.m. Swipe through Tinder for your own royal match, until…

12:00 p.m. …when you toss your party tiara to the ground because you didn’t match with anyone and it’s all over until Prince George is on the market.

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