Jiminy Cricket officiated the wedding between Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. He also wed Rumplestiltskin and Belle. And he has a dalmatian named Pongo. You see where we’re going with this?
Over the last seven seasons, Once Upon a Time has deftly put a spin on beloved legendary literary characters, putting them in inexplicable situations that have now become part of the everyday lexicon. So we tasked executive producers Adam Horowitz and Edward Kitsis with providing the five craziest lines fans can now say thanks to the long-running ABC fairy-tale drama. They over-delivered.
1. Jiminy Cricket officiated the wedding between Captain Hook and the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming.
2. Grumpy the Dwarf, who used to be Dreamy the Dwarf, hatched from an egg, as all dwarves do.
3. The daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming was pushed through a magical wardrobe built by Geppetto to escape a curse created by the Evil Queen.
4. Maleficent, Cruella de Vil, and Ursula the Sea Witch teamed up to steal a magical orb from Rumpelstiltskin, which triggered an attack by the Chernabog on Bald Mountain.
5. Little Red Riding Hood was the Big Bad Wolf.
6. Peter Pan was the father of Rumpelstiltskin.
7. The Mad Hatter’s hat is actually a portal that allows you to jump through different realms of story.
8. Jiminy Cricket became the town’s local psychiatrist and has Pongo the dalmatian as his loyal pet.
9. Snow White and Prince Charming stole Maleficent’s dragon egg — an egg that turned out to be Maleficent’s own human daughter!
10. Prince Charming and Anna from Frozen teamed up to battle the crime warlord Little Bo Peep.
11. After dying, Cruella de Vil became the Mayor of the Underworld while in a snogging relationship with Prince Charming’s dead evil twin brother. That’s a fact, darrrrling!
12. Robin Hood sacrificed himself to save his true love, the Evil Queen, from Hades’ wrath, who was just trying to impress his girlfriend, the Wicked Witch of the West.
13. Captain Hook, Aladdin, Princess Jasmine, and the Little Mermaid traveled across realms together in the Nautilus submarine from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.
14. The future Queen of Hearts, who was the Miller’s daughter, gave birth to two daughters — the Evil Queen and the Wicked Witch of the West — but she only abandoned one of them. Sorry, Zelena!
15. Princess Tiana and Princess Cinderella sold magical beignets out of a food truck called Rollin’ Bayou in Seattle.
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16. Rumpelstiltskin magically reattached Dr. Frankenstein’s arm after the reanimated corpse of the Evil Queen’s first love ripped it off.
17. Only Belle had the power to tame the darkness inside of her own beast, her future husband and baby daddy, Rumpelstiltskin.
18. Merlin was trapped as a tree for centuries.
19. With help from Tinker Bell, the Evil Queen found her true love: Robin Hood.
20. Red Riding Hood found her one true love in Dorothy Gale while traversing through Oz with gal pal Mulan.
21. The Evil Queen manipulates a lovelorn genie into killing Snow White’s father for her, and then he accidentally traps himself in her magic mirror forever.
22. Thanks to a wish by Snow White, the entire Enchanted Forest fell under a curse, having to sing out their thoughts and feelings in musical verse. [Please sing this one]
23. After getting help from Mulan and Red Riding Hood, Merida sought revenge on the infamous King Arthur for her father’s death.
24. Having three different names never gets old, are we right, Evil Queen/Regina Mills/Roni, Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold/Weaver, and Captain Hook/Killian Jones/Rogers?
25. For Henry, it’s quite the family reunion when his adoptive mother is the Evil Queen; his stepfather is Captain Hook; his aunt is the Wicked Witch of the West; his grandparents are Snow White, Prince Charming, the Queen of Hearts, and Rumpelstiltskin; his great-grandfather is Peter Pan; and his wife is Cinderella.
Once Upon a Time’s series finale airs Friday at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.