By Derek Lawrence
April 23, 2018 at 07:30 PM EDT
Fast Five
Credit: Jaimie Trueblood/Universal Pictures
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“I don’t have friends, I got a Netflix animated series.”

If you’re like me and eight films, a Dwayne Johnson spin-off, and two more upcoming movies isn’t enough Fast & Furious content, then you’re in luck. Earlier Monday, Netflix and DreamWorks Animation Television announced plans for an animated series based on the billion-dollar franchise.

The series, which I’m hoping will be called 2 Young 2 Furious, is set to focus on Tony Toretto, the teenage cousin of Dominic Toretto (played on the big screen by Vin Diesel). And when the government apparently runs out of agents who can legally drink a Corona, the younger Toretto follows in his relative’s footsteps as he and his friends are recruited to infiltrate an elite racing league that serves as a front for a criminal organization.

That all sounds enticing enough, but we have a few requests — nay, demands — of what needs to be included. So strap in, and don’t read too fast.

Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson bottle episode

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but Diesel and Johnson, the franchise’s two biggest stars, aren’t exactly BFFs. In fact, they didn’t even appear on screen together in last year’s The Fate of the Furious. With Johnson headlining his own spinoff, we might never see Dominic Toretto and Luke Hobbs together again, which is unfortunate considering their epic Fast Five face-off (let’s just pretend that they’re actually close to the same height). But what if they didn’t need to be in the same room together? Well, thankfully, that would be the case here. Throw these testosterone-fueled fellas in separate recording booths on separate days and give the world the meta-Diesel/Johnson bottle episode that it so desperately needs. Just no one tell Tyrese.

Flashbacks to Dom’s childhood

Yeah, this series is about Tony (that’s really the name we’re going with?), but how could we skip the opportunity to see what 10-year-old Dominic Toretto was like? (Look how great introducing the younger version of Groot worked out). Was he skipping class to drink Coronas and shoplift plain white T-shirts? Was he always such a natural with one-liners? Also, was he always ride-or-die? Or was he at one point more like, ride-or-safely-arrive-at-your-destination? Give us the answers we need.

Bring everyone back from the dead

Death is a fluid state in the Fast & Furious world. Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) died in the fourth installment, only to soon return with just a slight case of amnesia. Owen Shaw (Luke Evans) also seemed like a goner, but he’s back with a few scars and a cool brother (Jason Statham). Given all that, it seems like an animated series is the perfect way to bring back all our deceased favorites: Gisele (Gal Gadot), Han (Sung Kang), Johnny Tran (Rick Yune), and Twinkie (Bow Wow). Okay, we don’t know that Twinkie is dead, but we do know that Bow Wow has to be wondering why he’s the musician who’s been forgotten. How will we bring them all back to life? Well, the beauty of animation is that the sky is the limit, whether it’s through time travel, dream sequence, or an evil twin (Twinkie’s evil twin does roll right off the tongue).

An episode told from the perspective of a car

What does it feel like to be a car in this world? You’re constantly being forced to be at your fastest and most furious, all while seeing your brothers and sisters crash, burn, and drop from the sky. What I propose is a very special episode where we go under the hood — the emotional hood. Think Knight Rider meets Cars. And who should we cast as the voice of Tony Toretto’s car? Ann Dowd? Keanu Reeves? Larry David? I don’t know, I’m not a writer on the series … yet.

Take the action to outer space

There’s been some talk about sending the O.G. Fast & Furious crew to space in one of the next two films, but I say hard pass. I like my Fast & Furious films to be realistic and stick to plausible events, like jumping cars from skyscraper to skyscraper to skyscraper, or Hobbs catching a torpedo with his bare hand, or Ludacris playing the tech guy. But I’m making an exception for the animated series. Let’s pull an Armageddon and find some weird reason why the best way to save Earth is to train drivers to be astronauts instead of astronauts to be drivers. It’s about time that a Toretto lives his life a quarter-light-year at a time.

Fast and Furious

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