Want some Dream Twigs (that are definitely not pencils)? How about a chakra shell?
Remember those mock items they hawked on The Late Show in January as spoofs of Paltrow’s goop brand? As it turns out, “after the show aired — and this is true — people flooded goop’s website, trying to pay $900 for a sponge to whisper secrets into,” Colbert told his late-night audience on Wednesday night. “Unfortunately, we had a limited supply in that it was fake.”
Now, more of these products have been made real. People could actually go to goop.com and spend $22 on a set of five Dream Twigs (that are definitely not ordinary pencils). There’s also a Softbound Reincarnated Forest (a journal), bringing with it an $88 price tag and a “collection of sequential scrolls” that will “gently coax the words from your heart, via your chakra or something.”
“Each page of this journal is made from genuine tree meat, and crafted to be double-sided, which means you can write down twice as many poems about a broken teacup,” Colbert said. “Spoiler alert: The teacup is you.”
Then there’s the crown jewel: Susie’s Seashore Chakra Shell, worth $495. Paltrow recorded a brief video segment for The Late Show to introduce the flagship item.
“The shell is made of sterling silver for a look that says, ‘I, man, have improved upon nature,'” she said. “And each shell will contain the sound of the ocean, personally whispered into it by Stephen Colbert and Gwyneth Paltrow.”
These products were a collaboration between goop and Colbert’s spoof lifestyle brand, Covetton House — and they’re already sold out! Maybe Paltrow can whisper more ocean sounds into more shells.