'Naturally, I was gonna be secretary of evil… but Steve Bannon got that job.'

By Nick Romano
April 05, 2018 at 08:08 AM EDT

Dr. Evil has been trying to take over the world again and we didn’t even know it. Mike Myers reprised his famous Austin Powers villain for The Tonight Show for a postmortem chat with Jimmy Fallon about his most recent failed gig: advisor within the Trump administration.

“Naturally, I was gonna be secretary of evil… but Steve Bannon got that job,” Dr. Evil said with a chuckle and a raised pinky.

He then took credit for all of “the most evil stuff” from the president thus far — but not deporting Dreamers. “I’m evil, but I’m not a monster,” he clarified. The wall, though, was his idea. “I wanted it to be a moat filled with spiky blowfish,” Dr. Evil explained, “but I didn’t want the Mexicans to pay for it, I wanted Alec Baldwin to pay for it.”

Surprisingly, Dr. Evil didn’t have many friends within the Trump White House. He said Donald Trump Jr. looked like he was “missing a facial feature, you just don’t know which one,” and to Jared Kushner, he declared, “That b— be gone!” He did get along with Ben Carson, though. “Remember when he spent $30,000 of tax payer money on an office chair? Yeah, I thought that was particularly evil,” he remarked.

So what’s next for the most evil character in all the world? His new tell-all book, Fire and Fury and Also Evil: And More Fire and Also Magma Too, and the 2020 election. He has the perfect running mate, “the only man who’s more hated right now than Donald Trump”: Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg.

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