She never said she was a role model.
Natalie Portman returned to Studio 8H this weekend to host Saturday Night Live for the second time, and she followed up her iconic “Natalie Raps” digital short from 2006 with another expletive-filled rap about her life.
“The last time you were here, I heard things got a little out of control,” Beck Bennett says at the top of the new sketch, which copies the old one’s celebrity-interview framing device. “Yeah, well I was going through a really weird time then, but I’ve matured a lot,” Portman replies sweetly before filling Bennett in on her life now.
“PORTMAN PORTMAN PORTMAN PORTMAN PORTMAN PORTMAN / I f—ed your husband and his best friend just for sport, man,” she begins. The new rap includes discussion of her husband, dancer, and choreographer Benjamin Millepied (“My man dance but he’s not a ballerino / yeah, he twinkle his toes / but he give a good D though / wrap a good burrito”) and references to current news as well as her own filmography (“Tide pods the only f—ing thing I snack on / blackout and go motherf—ing Black Swan”).
“I gotta say, it seems like you’re almost exactly the same, but with current references,” Bennett observes. “Untrue,” Portman fires back. “I’m a mother now. It’s really changed my perspective.” (Case in point: “When I gave birth I didn’t even push / I was blazed out, smoking bomb kush.”)
It’s when Bennett brings up the actress’s credits from a galaxy far, far away that things really get heated, though. “I gotta ask, Natalie, have you seen the new Star Wars movies?” he asks. She hasn’t. “Oh, well they’re really good. They’re much better than—“
Portman cuts him off before resuming her rap in full Padmé Amidala regalia. “Say something ‘bout the motherf—ing prequels, bitch,” she says, threatening a potential critic with a gun. “Say something f—ing nice about Jar Jar Binks!”
Watch the new rap above. And talk trash about The Phantom Menace at your own peril.