'You know what Helena? You don’t deserve this big Toblerone.'
Neo Yokio, the new Netflix animated series created by Vampire Weekend’s Ezra Koenig, is a celebration of anime, fashion, Toblerone bars, Vivaldi, and Jaden Smith tweets. It is somehow both deeply ironic and entirely deadpan and we should be so grateful that this vanity-project-cum-genius-conceptional-art-piece somehow exists in the real world.
The show centers on Kaz Kaan (voiced by Jaden Smith), one of Neo Yokio’s most eligible bachelors, who’s forced to juggle his high-society social life with his familial demon-fighting obligations. Kaz also shares Smith’s abstract, philosophical approach to life, and since, for now, we can only imagine how good Kaz’s Twitter account would be, we’ve rounded up some of the best Kaz quotes from Neo Yokio — best enjoyed while drinking a caprese martini.
1. “My one true love is now living the glamorous life of an investment banker in San Francisco.”
2. “Sorry guys, but I can barely navigate the hellish vortex between breakfast and dinner, let alone the labyrinth of the field hockey field.”
3. “Win, lose… we’ll all be equal in the grave.”
4. “Two is the loneliest number, Charles. Especially when you’re second to a jackass.”
5. “Who cares what time it is when the future is an interminable abyss of wackiness?”
6. “She’s possessed? That sucks.”
7. “Sorry to disappoint you, sales clerk, but the universe is dictated by forces far greater than field hockey.”
8. “Oh, Arcangelo. I’d recognize your s—tty voice anywhere.”
9. “I’m behind Luke Silver-Greenberg? That’s horrendous.”
10. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m very touched by your dedication to your dead wife, but perhaps her spirit would be cheered by newer, more youthful perfumes… The girls of my generation would never wear Babylon 05. They prefer a less mainstream fragrance.”
11. “You knew a bespoke item was your only shot at getting to Helena!”
12. “Demon be gone from this Chanel suit!”
13. “Gentlemen, I’m sorry I’m late. As you know, I’ve been really depressed, and it’s affected my attitude towards field hockey.”
14. “Do we have to? I just got some seriously distressing news about my outfit.”
15. “As I expected, just a perfectly normal jewel-encrusted skull.”
16. “You know what Helena? You don’t deserve this big Toblerone.”
17. [Offered squid ink pasta] “Well… that is the most melancholy pasta.”
18. “I’m not sure alcohol really fits my personal brand anymore.”
19. “While I’m gone, write 1,000 words on the graceful geometry of cable-knit sweaters.”
20. “A man with such a pure love for sport would never hang with demons.”
21. “More vibes, please.”