"Well, as I’ve said to many a first date, welcome to the bottom."

By Dana Schwartz
September 14, 2017 at 06:08 PM EDT
Difficult People Season 2
Credit: Linda Kallerus/Hulu
  • TV Show
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If you haven’t gotten on the Difficult People train yet, now’s the time. Well into its third season, the comedy starring Julie Klausner and Billy Eichner gives 30 Rock a run for its money in terms of sheer joke density. Now with John Cho guest-starring as Eichner’s boyfriend, you have no excuse not to be streaming. Ahead, check out our favorite lines from season 3 — so far. New episodes debut Tuesdays on Hulu.


1. BILLY: Community service is so degrading. How do you think boy George got through it?
JULIE: Poppers.

2. BILLY: Ever since Trump replaced the Department of Health with Jenny McCarthy’s blog, nothing makes sense.

3. JULIE: I haven’t had to sit through a family seder by myself since I was a witch in college.


4. BILLY: It’s David Blaine’s latest magic trick, where he’s just going to kill himself!

5. BILLY: It’s always sad when someone sells out their own people.
JULIE: Yeah, like when Elton John did that thing with Eminem. And then they sang together.

6. NATE: While we liberals were busy debating whether those naked statues of Trump were body shaming, Russia elected the Fourth Reich.

7. BILLY: We did the wrong thing and we still got nothing!


8. RUCCHEL: You’re going to back me up while I scream at those goyim until they go back to Marblehead. They could have guns — or polo mallets!

9. BILLY: You think Eureka Springs is named after the first girl who squirted?

10. JULIE: It’s well-intentioned but exhausting.
BILLY: Like Tim Robbins.

11. MARILYN: Emergency, Julie, emergency! I need you here right now. I’m at Saks and everything my personal shopper picked out for me is way too boxy.


12. BILLY: Well, as I’ve said to many a first date, welcome to the bottom.

13. JULIE: I prefer using the headshot where I’m still at my original goal weight. Sure, people are surprised when I turn up and I’m no longer 11, but I still have hope in my eyes.

14. ARTHUR: I installed your new SodaStream showerhead. Your dream of carbonated showers to jazz up your mornings has become a reality.

15. JULIE: Arthur, you know my philosophy about anniversaries. I don’t think unmarried couples have them. It’s too arbitrary. What are we commemorating? Our first date? Moving in? Anal?

16. JULIE: This apartment is a bigger mess than How to Get Away With Murder.

17. BILLY: Matthew, you make Peter Thiel and Milo Yiannopoulos look like the best we have to offer.


18. JULIE, about a Lyft driver: I’m going to give that driver what The CW has on its fall lineup — ZERO STARS!

19. BILLY: This was the No. 1 spot for illicit gay action before John Travolta got his own massage table.

20. BILLY: I have to go. I gotta get paper towels. I gotta fish Karl Lagerfeld’s ponytail out of the salsa fountain.

21. BILLY: I downloaded The Fat Jewish’s MasterClass on acting and my iPad crashed. The guy at the Genius Bar said it became sentient and took its own life.

22. ARTHUR: We did some focus testing and apparently kids under 7 are Keith Olbermann’s only demo.

23. JULIE: They don’t know who he is so they can’t hate him yet.


24. BILLY: Okay, Feud season 3: Michael Douglas versus Catherine Zeta-Jones’ p—sy.

25. VERONICA FORD: I haven’t had sex since my fling with Bob Durst. Not to brag, but he said anyone who sucked d—k that well deserves to die of natural causes.

26. BRO: “Consent?” There’s that word again, dude! Why do chicks keep using that?

27. TODD: She turned 40. That’s the mandatory retiring age for women in advertising.

28. ADVERTISING WIFE: Have you seen my husband’s commercial for lady razors where the woman’s a gorilla and she gets shot like Harambe?


29. JULIE: “Malala signs with CAA”? Hasn’t that girl suffered enough?

30 JULIE: I just read ABC is doing a Game of Thrones rip-off called “Dragons and Rape.”

31. ARTHUR: Maybe this Kenny is spearheading a weird, edgy hard TV comedy.
JULIE: Like the ones they make at Adult Swim, only hopefully this network won’t make women use separate water fountains. I’m only kidding. There are no women allowed at Adult Swim.

32. ARTHUR: Either your first day of work went poorly, or Pete Holmes got another break.


33. JULIE: What do you think John Landis’ worst contribution to society is: his alleged manslaughter or his son, Max?

34. MARILYN: What a colorful group of friends you choose to waste your time with.

35. GABY: Everyone knows “Viewers Like You” is a pseudonym for Larry the Cable Guy. WE just talk about it. Our fans don’t want to know Larry the Cable Guy is behind PBS, any more than his fans want to know how passionate he is about importing British television shows.

36. JULIE: I am done with “yes and”-ing. I’m more of a “no but” girl. Well, not a “no butt” girl. More like a flat-butt girl. Flat and wide.

Difficult People

2015 series
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