Prepare for a week's worth of programming about how sharks have zero chill

By Chancellor Agard
July 07, 2017 at 03:40 PM EDT
Credit: James Dimmock/Syfy
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If you’re worried about what you’ll do with your life after Shark Week ends, you needn’t be: SYFY has you covered.

On Friday, the NBCUniversal-owned channel announced the fourth annual Sharknado Week, six days worth of “shark-tastic” programming that kicks off Sunday, July 30 and culminates with the premiere of Sharknado 5: Global Swarming Aug. 6. And some of these projects sound as bonkers as you’d expect.

The week starts at a 10 with 5-Headed Shark Attack — a movie about, well, a five-headed shark that terrorizes a beach in Puerto Rico — and just escalates from there with other sharks-gone-wild offerings like Empire of the Sharksand Mississippi River Sharks, which stars Degrassi alum Cassie Steele and a double helping of Tara Reid, who stars in both Sharknado 5 and Trailer Park Shark.

Check out the full schedule and descriptions, which will convince you these ocean predators have zero chill, below.

5-Headed Shark Attack, 8 p.m. ET
Shaped like a demented starfish, a monster 5-headed shark terrorizes the open ocean before invading the beaches of Puerto Rico, endangering the once peaceful island paradise. Starring Chris Bruno, Nikki Alexis Howard, Lindsay Sawyer, Chris Costanzo, Jeffrey Holzman.

Mississippi River Sharks, 8 p.m. ET
Sharks attack a fish rodeo on the Mississippi River, and it is up to a group of locals to stop them. Starring Cassie Steele, Marco St. John, Jason London, Jeremy London, Miles Doleac, Dean West.

Trailer Park Shark, 8 p.m. ET
A tropical storm floods Soggy Meadows trailer park and forces a hungry shark upriver. Trailer Park Shark reunites Sharknado’s Tara Reid with her American Pie co-star Thomas Ian Nicholas. The film also stars Dennis Haskins, Lulu Jovovich, Clint James.

Toxic Shark, 8 p.m. ET
A tropical singles retreat takes a terrifying turn when guests realize a poisonous shark is infesting the surrounding water. Not only will this toxic shark rip apart its victims, but it also uses projectile acid to hunt… in and out of the water! Starring Eric Etebari, Kabby Borders, Bryce Durfee, Sean Samuels, Christina Masterson.

Empire of the Sharks, 8 p.m. ET
Set in a future where most of Earth is covered by water and the only land left is controlled by a warlord who rules with an army of hyper-intelligent sharks, unlucky humans are used as shark food. But when two friends risk their lives to rescue a trapped prisoner, those imprisoned decide to rise against their captor and his legion of bloodthirsty sharks. Starring John Savage, Jonathan Pienaar, Joe Vaz, Camilla Waldman, Brandon Auret, Philip Tan.

Sharknado 5: Global Swarming, 8 p.m. ET
As shark-infested storms grow stronger and more complex, the world braces for the inevitable – a global sharknado. This year, the mission gets personal for chainsaw-wielding leader Fin Shepard (Ian Ziering) and his bionic wife, April (Tara Reid), when their young son gets trapped in a sharknado and is transported all over the world. Cameos include Olivia Newton-John and daughter Chloe Lattanzi as brilliant scientists, Fabio as the Pope, Charo as the Queen of England, Porsha Williams as an archeologist, Bret Michaels, Clay Aiken, Chris Kattan, and more.


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