Samantha Bee kicked off her first show of 2017 with praise to the comedy gods for the latest allegations against Donald Trump.
“Hallelujah, it’s comedy Christmas,” Bee said of the unverified dossier of opposition research on the president-elect that was published by BuzzFeed this week and included scandalous, graphic descriptions of alleged sex acts.
“The only verifiable thing about this report is how much joy it gave me,” Bee said of the dossier, which Trump himself slammed as “fake news” on Twitter.
“It’s been barely 24 hours since the story broke and there are more Trump golden shower jokes on the internet than there are golden shower videos. There’s a high probability this story is bullsh– but the fact that it’s plausible bullsh– is a terrifying statement about what our nation has come to. No one would ever believe that President Obama paid anyone to urinate on him; he’s got people to do that for free,” Bee joked, showing a photo of Republican leaders Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell.
Calling the allegations against the president-elect “pretty ludicrous,” Bee still noted that she found it “fun to watch a livid Orange Julius explain that he can’t be into watersports because he’s a germaphobe.” (“Does anyone really believe that story?” Trump said during a press conference on Wednesday, his first in six months. “I’m also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me.”)
But while the story provided Bee with plenty of laughs, she found Trump’s response unsettling. “We may have just witnessed what the history books might call the end of America’s tradition of a free press,” she said of Trump’s press conference, where he attacked CNN for reporting on the dossier and his team claimed the network published the full report. (It did not; BuzzFeed posted the dossier soon after CNN’s story published.)
“Your organization is terrible,” Trump said to CNN reporter Jim Acosta on Wednesday. “I’m not going to give you a question. You are fake news.”
“Yeah, no, I’ll take a question from you: the cartoon frog giving a thumbs-up sign,” Bee joked. “We can only hope that the incontinent sex-worker frosting draws attention to the report’s less delicious details about Russia manipulating our president. After all, as the old Disney song goes, a spoonful of hooker urine helps the treason claims go down.”