The X Factor recap: Simon Cowell Shoots Two Turkeys
Ouch. Happy Thanksgiving, suckas! None of you were watching so I’ll just tell you what happened: The X Factor celebrated this wondrous day of togetherness and sharing and family and love by eliminating Arin Ray and Beatrice Miller from the Red Planet
They didn’t even have any snacks! Where’s the apple cider- or red wine-flavored Pepsi? Way to miss the spirit of the holiday.
“WOOT! Em-oh-tional!” yelled Khloe Kardashian.
CeCe and Beatrice — both dressed like turkeys if you unfocused your eyes and thought about it conceptually — engaged in a survival sing-off during which the 13-year-old was so much more on-key than Leopard Face, despite suffering from a cold and the horror of being eliminated on a reality show on Thanksgiving at 13 years old. I was sure Simon would vote to keep Beatrice in after L.A. and Demi voted against her, but he said he didn’t think she was ready for this or some bullllllllls—. Aw. She’s such a talented little sweetie. This is not cool. Bad gravy.
Tonight’s guest performer Cher Lloyd, a British X Factor alum, offered us all a glimpse of everything we haven’t been doing re: fringed denim shorts and illusionary tuxedo tank tops. Our opportunities in these two fields really are endless and we have been limiting ourselves so far. I remain thankful for ridiculous wind machines. Mario Lopez is “definitely” buying Cher’s new single, “Oath.”
Somewhere in there was a really long Best Buy commercial ft. charity and “the best school day ever.” Cute kids! Great commercial. The Top 10 performed a special exhibition of Coldplay’s “Fix You” while the X Factor crowd struggled mightily not to scream. Whoops! Emblem3 had started singing so no chance of that. I did tear up a bit watching the Bancroft Middle School choir join the Top 10 onstage. Awwww! I’m glad they got new musical equipment. Everyone go to Best Buy today. I hear it won’t be crowded.
This week’s rankings:
1. Carly Rose Sonenclar
2. Tate Stevens
3. Vino Alan
5. Diamond White
6. Paige Thomas
7. Fifth Harmony
8. CeCe Frey
That’s pretty much it for tonight! Next week I’ll go into obsessive detail about Mario and Khloe’s fashion choices and general absurdity. Right now I’m gonna go ahead and hit the Thanksgiving celebration I’ve almost completely missed.
Happy Black Friday!
Did the right two acts go home? Discuss.