Conrad and Nancy enjoy a benefit of their business relationship; plus, Celia becomes involved in the trade, and Andy meets the competition
Credit: Monty Brinton
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”Weeds” recap: Conrad and Nancy fire up

An eye for an eye, a knife for a knife. Nancy’s turned badass, while Celia’s at her wit’s end and cursing like there’s no tomorrow. It all made for another beautiful day in the neighborhood that is the newly incorporated city of Majestic-Agrestic, or whatever the hell they’re calling it. But who knew that OG Nancy had it in her? Actual death threats she promised to make good on? In her kitchen, no less? That’s right — we’ve slowly been seeing into the new, not-so-improved matriarch/perpetual screwup, and it ain’t pretty. So Celia wants in on the action. Can you blame her? She’s got doctor’s bills and no real income, or even real property for that matter, to her name. As for calling Nancy a sociopath, Celia’s not far off herself. But Nancy’s having no part in further “accommodating the extortionists” in her life. That is, until she needs them but a few hours later.

Of course, the true victim here seems to be Shane, who, despite his brainiac nature, will certainly be scarred for life after witnessing such repeated acts of violence and subterfuge. And the fact that his mother continually lies to him (for what reason, at this point?) doesn’t bode well for establishing trust with anyone in his future. No surprise there, since the Botwin bunch tends to think only one day at a time.

For her part, Heylia didn’t seem to have a backup plan in case of an unexpected visit to the warehouse by the Fire Department, so that meant transporting dozens of premature plants to yet another location. Who’s up for the task? Obviously Silas, the workhorse, wearing his trade proudly on his sleeve. (If you didn’t catch it, his T-shirt read, “I’m not a gardener, I just like ho’s” — hee hee). And master grower Conrad is also on the ball. The ladies? That’s another story. Still, Heylia’s conversation with the landlord was the most pleasant fake nice that we’ve ever seen come out of her.

Is it irony or predictability that made Celia the answer to all their problems? No matter, the bottom line is, when desperation calls, anything can be negotiated. Even this unreasonable offer: $15K per month for spacious 5BR, 4BA contemporary in quiet suburban enclave with ample closets, upgraded electricity system, and brand-new copper piping, immediate move-in. Let’s face it, Agrestic’s not exactly Malibu. But Nancy doesn’t have much of a choice, nor does she have too many friends (any at all, really) to lean on. And so the gang’s reunion, which included Marvin, will be at the Hodes home, for better or worse. (An aside: Fatso Fasano, who plays Marvin, was on my flight back from New York a couple weeks ago — flying coach — and couldn’t have been nicer, even thanking the pilot personally and urging him to watch Weeds.)

As for that steamy sex scene with Conrad and Nancy? Up until this episode of Weeds, I would always instinctively recite the “pussaliah” speech from The 40-Year-Old Virgin whenever Romany Malco came into the picture. Now I’ll never be able to get that derriere out of my head — not that it’s a bad thing. Ultimately, it was just a matter of time before those two went at it again. Business partners with benefits? You could call it that, but their bond is undoubtedly deeper, and remains one of few story lines to make it all the way through three seasons. Still, I’ll agree with Celia’s take, too. Nancy is a bit of a slut.

NEXT: More hostile competition

We saw very little of Sullivan on this episode (but I could practically smell Doug’s spilt bong water seep through the TV). What kind of grown man has blond hair? The kind who doesn’t take kindly to stolen church crosses, particularly ones that cost upwards of 80 grand. So did Doug do it or didn’t he? I’d venture to say the former, considering his earlier vow “to rise from the ashes and f— his s— up!” Lesson learned: Don’t get between a guy and his golf-club membership.

Meanwhile, Dean is healing, albeit slowly (no thanks to a round of murderball), while Andy’s chasing skirts again, only to end up at the competition’s distribution headquarters with a dog named Ripper (as in “bong rip” or “rip your head off”?) in his crotch. Makes you wonder: Are there really that many stoners to service in the greater Agrestic area? If so, maybe they should forget the church development and start thinking commune. Then watch me pack my bags.

There were some key lines in this episode. One was Nancy asking Conrad if he thought she was a bad person. (“No” was obviously the right answer.) While it worked as a sort of seductive come-on, the question was also telling — maybe Nancy does have a conscience. Perhaps that guilt is eating away at her motherly side. It would explain a lot. Another key line was Nancy’s reassurance to Shane that someday, when in a happier place, he’ll look back on this time of his life as the “dark years.” Let’s hope Mom also finds her way out of this funk, sooner rather than later. But the zinger of the night goes to Sanjay, who doesn’t have to say much to get a chuckle out of me. This week, it was his retort to the (female) hooker who slept with him as a favor for U-Turn: “Maybe we should get married.”

This week, the theme song was performed by Persephone’s Bees: I give them a 6 out of 10.

What do you think? Is Celia going to get more involved in the business? How are Shane and Silas going to turn out? And where is Nancy and Conrad’s relationship heading? (By the way, your regular Weeds TV Watcher, Nisha Gopalan, will be back next week.)

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