On ''Weeds,'' Nancy has to perform a ''brick dance'' for some scary guys in order to pick up a delivery for U-Turn
Credit: Mark Seliger

”Weeds”: Nancy dances for her life

Okeydokey. Looks like Nancy won’t be hittin’ the pole anytime soon to help pay off her debt to U-Turn. Still, for the love of Pablo Escobar, how awesome was that ”brick dance” of hers?

As U-Turn’s new courier, Nancy — gripping the security blanket that is her bottomless iced coffee — ”coaxed” suppliers Guillermo and his Latin crew into handing over a block of pot. To her merit, they did. Me? I hadn’t cringe-laughed that hard since Elaine’s thumb jig on Seinfeld. In a cooler alternate universe, this would be Mary Louise Parker’s Emmy clip, boasting her heroic display of deer-in-headlights naïveté, suburban squareness, fear, and self-aware MILF-ness, all at the same time. (An aside: The alt-country song Nancy ended up booty bumping to was ”Nosebleed,” from a band called Illinois.) Cutting said rug atop a pool table was also a nice touch; I’d like to think of it as a nod to the culture of hustle that’s prevailing on Weeds.

What makes these higher stakes all the more interesting is how Nancy intends to reconcile them with her domestic life. Because right now, she isn’t. And wasn’t maintaining her family’s standard of living what lured her into the enterprising drug world? I’m eagerly awaiting the fallout that will likely ensue now that Nancy’s going full disclosure with the kids. This is far stickier than when Meadow and AJ sussed out what Daddy did for a living on The Sopranos. Nancy is low on the totem pole; she’s too preoccupied with self-preservation in her biz to truly protect her children. I expect that her nonchalance in making little Shane liquidate his stocks and enlisting Silas to dime-bag her goods will come back to bite her. Or maybe it already has karmically, what with that pesky DEA agent ringing at her door at the very moment her kid was stuffing Ziplocs with Mary Jane. (I, too, was wondering when dead Peter would rear his ugly head.)

I continue to dig Nancy’s diminishing capacity for taking crap. This week that meant straightening out housekeeper Lupita, who’d threatened to squawk to the police, and giving some lip to U-Turn, who blamed Nancy for retrieving a brick of ganja instead of heroin. At this point, I’d also like to give a huge shout-out to Page Kennedy, who masterfully plays U-Turn with equal doses of venom and deadpan humor. Maybe he and Celia should hook up. I’m just saying is all….

That would at least solve Celia’s cash problems, a threat that seems to be looming over many denizens of this sunny enclave. Celia took an interest in bonding with her daughter only after her lawyer (Carrie Fisher?!) reminded her of Isabelle’s lucrative Huskaroos gig. (Gotta say, in terms of dubious parenting skills, Nancy still doesn’t hold a candle to Celia.) Then Doug made an ominous, though offhanded, remark about how neighboring Majestic was stealing fiscal thunder from Agrestic.

Back in other parts of the city, Conrad was fixin’ to set up a crop shop, with the now cigarette-puffing Heylia ominously saying, ”Let me worry about U-Turn.” And let me tell you, I would not want to be in that woman’s sights when she inevitably has a nic fit. As for Andy, I’m not sure the writers know what to do with him, aside from sticking the guy in ludicrous situations and banking on Justin Kirk’s gifted dry delivery to bring the laughs. Andy’s surrendered to the army — the eight-toe plea apparently doesn’t work — and has learned from his library-voice-challenged boot-camp sarge that he’s actually headed to Iraq. Which is technically an ”extended military engagement” and not a war, as we learned from Shane. Speaking of, give this genius kid more lines! Here’s an idea: Perhaps, apropos of Andy’s predicament and his mother’s involvement in the criminal underworld — not to mention the fact that 24 sucked last season — it’s time for Shane to shoot more of those hysterical fake terrorist videos we saw in season 1. ‘Cause if the series continues this journey toward dark comedy, this kid’s gonna be its secret weapon.

What do you think? Is Nancy an unfit mother? Are you bummed there was no follow-up to that weird Conrad-Nancy dynamic last week? And do we agree that Doug’s quote, ”The c— wants what it wants,” is the best line of the episode?

(This week the theme song, ”Little Boxes,” was covered by Kinky. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 6.)

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