Vanderpump Rules reunion recap: 'Guys, shut the f--- up!'

It’s the first Monday in May which means the Met Gala and the first installment of the Vanderpump Rules reunion! Raquel definitely dressed for the event but in a more DIY/Forever 21 version.

In lieu of recapping a recap, I’ve combed through the most important moments and revelations of the evening.

• Tom Sandoval’s hair is keeping the reunion from starting on time.
• Stassi says it’s been 6 months since the “dark passenger” has made an appearance.
• Kristen announces that she’s single, which shocks a good portion of the group including Stassi.
• Kristen’s choker is absurd.
• James only speaks to Sandoval, Ariana, Scheana, and Schwartz and has no regrets about burning all his bridges.
• Scheana admits she’s only dating “f— bois” and Andy applauds her decision.
• Scheana and Adam are still “hangin and bangin.”
• Lala thinks it’s no big deal that Randall isn’t on camera and everyone else thinks it’s unfair.
• Lala implies Randall isn’t on the show because of his career but this is the man who produced Gotti.
• Lotta discussion about the two Toms involvement in TomTom and how they feel sorta undervalued.
• Raquel shows up looking like she’s auditioning for the Met Gala “Camp” theme and then announces she’s interviewed for a job at SUR. SIGH.
• Raquel refers to herself as a “beauty queen” maybe 3 times.
• She admits she doesn’t think that James was fully faithful to her before they moved in together.
• “Just because you have a vagina doesn’t mean I’m going to support you.” Lala to Raquel.
• Raquel and Lala are never gonna become friends.
• Lisa can barely get through talking about her recently deceased brother.
• There is a massive sort of hard to follow screaming match that begins with Jax and James and devolves into one huge shouting bonanza.
• James and Jax almost start fighting until Andy breaks it up. Andy has become so much braver since being couch tossed by Teresa!
• Why is James still on this show?
• “Guys, shut the f— up!” Andy Cohen fittingly ending this part of the reunion.

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• Vanderpump Rules recap: SEAL Team
• Vanderpump Rules recap: You make me wanna Lala
• Vanderpump Rules recap: You’re uninvited
• Vanderpump Rules recap: Therapy dogs

• By Tim Stack