By Tim Stack
January 14, 2019 at 10:00 PM EST
Bravo
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  • TV Show
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This week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules was also like a Shark Tank spin-off with Rules branding opportunities. It also featured several of the cast’s mothers showing up. Between James’ family and Tom’s dad, this season of Pump is really parental. You’d think with all these parents around the children would act more mature….alas….

We pick up the morning after Stassi and Ariana’s dual parties. Everyone is talking about how Stassi was a real beast to Beau. She did not like the fact that he wanted to stay up without her. Well, I’m guessing Stassi is also not gonna like cameras being in her face the morning after. She had a RUFFFFFF evening. But on the bright side, we do get Beau’s iconic line, “It’s like you d— punched my heart!” His turn of phrase is truly stunning.

James is continuing his sobriety and enlisting in a life coach, a.k.a. the former manager of Pump. But the fallout from James’ drunken behavior still continues. Lisa holds a totally-not-for-TV staff meeting with her employees. The management is sorta annoyed because James and his Tuesdays brought in a lot of cougars from out of town/money. Katie and Brittany don’t really care and want James to stay away. But Billie Lee thinks its because Kristen always shows up and eggs James on. She’s not wrong. Making matters even worse, the sponsor of TomTom’s first party wants James to DJ. Katie is not psyched. But, attempting to be the bigger person, Lala calls James and meets him at a cafe and sorta has a peace agreement. James, naturally, cries.

Back to all the different branding, Stassi reveals that she’s writing a “book.” It’s called Next Level Basic and will def be nominated for a Pulitzer. Next summer, everyone will have this and A Little Life in their beach bags. It’s about “embracing your basic bitch.” I have no idea what that means or how that encompasses a book but I sense this will be sold at Urban Outfitters.

Speaking of, Kristen also reveals her own little side hustle—a t-shirt line called…James Mae. Huh? For a woman who haaaaates someone named James, it seems more than a little cuckoo to have a clothing line with his moniker in there. Her “re-launch” party (apparently she tried this before but I seem to have blocked it out) also sees visits from her mom, Katie’s mom, and Stassi’s mom. The latter once again goes real aggressive on Beau and tells him not to dump Stassi but also that she’s really ready for grandkids. This gal is really trying to become a series regular and I appreciate the attempt. 

Scheana shows up to the party after a date with Adam’s roommate (and former Bachelorette contestant) Robby. First of all, the dude looks just like Adam. Second, he takes her on a date to a slide. A literal slide. Robby also refuses to sleep with Scheana but he is not above making out with her on camera. Stassi, Katie, and Brittany realize that Scheana is sorta operating in her own personal Bachelorette-esque dating experience. They’re not wrong.

The episode ends with Katie, Stassi, and Kristen all going out to dinner with their respective mothers. You can tell something is off when Stassi’s mom says she wishes her daughter was more like Kristen. It’s basically the equivalent of someone saying, “I hope nothing bad happens tonight!” Stassi’s mom then just acts real bonkers at the dinner table; she sorta feels like a Catherine O’Hara character in a Christopher Guest movie. She storms off after Stassi gets annoyed and the moms go to comfort her. Then, Kristen and Katie comfort Stassi. It is one of the more surreal moments on Pump Rules, like a view of the future. And, in the future, Stassi has some real bad red hair.

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type
  • TV Show
seasons
  • 5
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Premiere
  • 01/07/13
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  • In Season
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