Credit: Bravo

First of all, I have no idea why this episode is airing a day earlier. But I think we can all agree that Vanderpump Rules def helps soothe the Sunday Scaries.

We’re back in the alleyway of Sur and James lobbing mean weight comments at Katie. Raquel is still super confused about what’s going on and it’s still unclear if she ever had a chance to pee. She eventually decides to confront Hope. Karma police Kristen encourages them to “be nice” which is hilarious coming from her. Hope tells Raquel that she’s actually been sleeping with James for three years. Raquel basically does not care and needs more proof. But her expressionless face is hard to read tbh.

The next day Katie and Tom are super hungover and Katie is still super pissed about James making comments about her weight. Also, Schwartz is wearing a muumuu. But like it also could just be a shirt dress from Forever 21.

James and Raquel are back at their apartment, putting together furniture. Raquel tells James she would like him to tell her if he ever cheated on her. Um gurl…you cray. He def will not do that. Then, James gets a call from poor Sur manager Peter, whose screen time each season rivals Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love, and is disinvited to Peter’s birthday party.

Back at Sur, we get a Teddi Mellencamp cameo! She shows up in a jaunty hat to talk to Lisa about potentially hiring her brother at Sur. The pair get into a discussion over Lisa’s recently deceased brother and you can see that Lisa is genuinely still really hurt by his passing. Thankfully, Peter is there to deliver tea and bounce his pecs. Pec bouncing is the best solution to grief imho.

Peter’s birthday happens at the new Pump hangout, The Belmont. He tells Jax that Lisa has agreed to give him his job back at Sur. HUGE SURPRISE. You basically can never get fired from Sur…unless you’re Kristen. Elsewhere, the hot new friendship is Stassi and Ariana. The two hated each other for the last few years but are now like BFFs and planning a joint bday party. This does not please Scheana. But she’s also not gonna love the fact that everyone’s planning a girls night and leaving her out.

OMG Jax and Brittany are starting a “beer cheese” company. Yes, you read that correctly. Beer cheese is apparently cheese…with beer in it. In the wise words of Jax, “I mean who doesn’t love cheese?” Well, lactose intolerant people mostly. Brittany says she feels bad for Raquel and relates to what she’s going through.

Schwartz decides to confront James over what he said to Katie and then, in a weird move, makes James admit that Katie is sexy and beautiful. In true James form, he then makes more crude jokes about Katie during his interview. Aren’t the British supposed to be polite?

Brittany ends up inviting Raquel to girl’s night and it is reeeeaaaaal awks and I’m not talking about Raquel’s jean jacket-sequin dress combo. The Scheana-less crew all basically tell her that her boyfriend is bad news but Raquel claims he treats her “like a queen.” Cue Kristen’s eyes basically rolling into the back of her head.

While the ladies attempt a Raquel intervention, the dudes head over to Schwartz’s apartment for guy stuff like eating steaks and talking about cheese patents. They also have a scary moment of PTSD when they recall the last time Schwartz made them steaks he sautéed them in his butt. Yes, you read that correctly.

By the end of the episode, Katie sits down with Lisa and basically gives her an ultimatum: Katie or James. The only other time she delivered an ultimatum, Katie got engaged so her odds are good!

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