By Tim Stack
April 22, 2019 at 10:00 PM EDT
Bravo
type
  • TV Show
Network
Genre

We are closing in on Jax and Brittany’s big wedding day. I don’t think an event has had this many people on edge since the Mueller Report release. All of Brittany’s family and some of Jax’s (his mom was not invited) have flown into L.A. to hang out with the couple before their engagement party. Let’s just say they seem to be slightly skeptical of Jax and his pattern of behavior. But Jax sorta tries to show that he’s a good dude: he admits that he helped Brittany’s brother match donations for his wife’s IVF treatments. Of course, in Jax’s words, he claims he basically “bought” her brother a baby. I’m not sure I would put that on the baby’s birthday card.

At SUR, Ariana is totally annoyed that Lisa still treats the two Toms like second-class citizens even though they have helped make TomTom a success. I’m not sure the dudes are like crushing their first few weeks on the job—Schwartz did bounce a check after all. But she seems determined to say something to Lisa. Hello, season finale dramatic conversation!!

Scheana asks Adam if he’d mind if she had dinner—wink wink—with an old friend of hers. He sorta doesn’t like the idea of her going on dates with other dudes but he also doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her. So Scheana has her pal Ethan over to Marina del Rey and he actually shows up, which already makes him a better friend than anyone who works at Sur. He makes a crack about zucchinis and “slapping” his meat which makes it seem like he would be someone who works at Sur. While he’s cooking, Scheana asks standard questions like if he’s ever been in a threesome. Ethan feels uncomfortable answering but Scheana admits she hung around with a lotta athletes back in the day and occasionally there were various people in the room. But she also sits Ethan down and stresses that she still wants to be an independent woman, just like Destiny’s Child sang. Still, as soon as she stresses that, she asks Ethan if he wants a girlfriend. Oh, Scheana. You are always on brand. Also in the bad ideas department, she snapchats video of Ethan and sends them to Ariana and Stassi who are having drinks with Adam.

In other plot developments, James is STILL adamant that he come back to work at SUR. Dude, there must be somewhere else that has strawberry mojitos and fried goat cheese balls that needs a DJ. Time to move on! He tries to reason with LVP again but has trouble even looking her in the eyes which is super weird. Then, he admits that he has still been drinking and that’s it for LVP. She seems to say goodbye for the last time.

Lisa does encourage Lala to try to repair her relationship with James. She sees a change in Lala and thinks she should just try to forgive him. So, Lala and James also have a highly awkward chat where James mostly looks past Lala and never in the eyes. He just doesn’t feel like he can trust her but she does tell him to call him if he’s feeling like he needs to lash out. I sense Lala will def be screening those calls.

While this is happening, Brittany’s baby shower is occurring over at SUR. She already tried on wedding gowns with her family and some of the ladies, including Stassi, Katie, and Kristin. The latter is convinced she’d make the best maid of honor…despite the fact that she slept with the bride’s future husband and ruined a series of relationships in the wake. Not sure that’s something you’d put on the resume, Kristin. Brittany instead asks Katie to be her “matron” of honor while her other good pal is the maid of honor. Katie is mostly appalled by how dumpy her title sounds. Friends forever!!

At the baby shower, talk turns to Brittany and Jax’s first encounter during which he apparently uttered the highly romantic line, “I want to eat her a****** right now.” Jax is a modern-day John Keats. Probably to distract Jax’s sister before she barfs, Ariana asks Scheana about her date. Almost immediately, Scheana starts weeping about how upset Adam is and how he’s her best friend. Scheana clearly has feelings for Adam so she may wanna listen to “Independent Women” a few more times.

Meanwhile, Jax takes Britt’s family to TomTom for some food and booze. The Brittany posse basically warns him not to pull any of his old tricks. In front of her family, Jax admits that she’ll never come first in his life—he’s always No. 1. I have a sinking feeling that this statement will be replayed by producers in black and white in a future episode. :/

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type
  • TV Show
seasons
  • 5
Genre
Premiere
  • 01/07/13
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  • In Season
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