Why do people challenge Lala? You will always lose. Always. Even when Lala may seem to lose, she’s still funnier, louder and, well, funnier. But there’s more to recap before we get to her volcanic eruption at Billie Lee’s brunch.
We pick up immediately after James’ spazz out at TomTom. He flees through the back to have a cigarette and shed a few tears. Sandoval and Lisa attempt to calm him down but he already feels like he’s been put through the ringer. “I f—ing DJ’d on toilet paper up there,” James exclaims, attempting to prove he’s already suffered enough. I feel like James could really benefit from a nice mood stabilizer. Also, stop trying to make the TomTom alley the new Sur alley. The Sur alley will always have my heart.
But James isn’t just getting shade from his supposed “friends”: When he tells Raquel what happened, she basically tells him that he’s the reason why she has no friends. Hahhahahaha. Oh Raquel, that ain’t the reason.
Katie, Stassi, and Kristen finally make it to Scheana’s Marina del Rey apartment…but not without once again throwing shade on how far away it is from WeHo. As a housewarming gift, Stassi brings Scheana a bedazzled vodka bottle (Beau actually crafted it while Stassi asked her agent for a book extension). Kristen shows up with Stassi and Katie’s stuff from her apartment which does not seem like a great sign. But she and Katie have a chat on the balcony and sort of have a sane understanding and make up. Just in case you thought Kristen had become reasonable, she then proceeds to announce that she’s showing up at the TomTom opening night whether or not Lisa Vanderpump likes it or not. GOOD LUCK!
Kristen pops into Sur the next day in an outfit that looks like a Project Runway challenge if designers were tasked to create a dress out of masking tape. Needless to say, it’s not the most appropriate outfit to come across as mature and calm. Kristen says she really wants to attend the TomTom opening party and Lisa insists that if she’s invited by the two Toms then she can’t keep her from coming. Kristen takes this as a major victory…which feels incorrect. Read the room, K-dog. Lisa still can’t stand you.
So then Billie Lee has her brunch. For some reason, no one thought to look at who was working that day (Lala, Billie, James) and it’s basically the Vanderpump equivalent of a Molotov cocktail. A very convenient move if you’re shooting a dramatic reality TV show though. Right from the start, Lala goes and confronts Billie about their past beef. It does not go well. Lala ends up calling Billie a “snake” and walks away. Meanwhile, patrons eat their huevos rancheros. Then, Lala overhears Raquel saying that she’s tired of her “playing the father card,” alluding to Lala bring up her dad’s death. This does not go well. Lala confronts Raquel and, as mentioned before, ol’ Rocky just can’t even compete with Lala in a fight. This screaming match makes their previous encounters look like an afternoon tea party.
The ladies go to their separate corners but the tension does not let up. While Brittany tries to calm Lala down, James comes in and tells Lala he’s upset with how she treated Raquel. That does not go well. She tells him she thinks he’s a bad guy and has no interest in ever being friends with him. At one point, she says something about ripping his face off so I’m not sure that helped the French toast go down for the brunch guests. But Billie Lee then orders Lala to leave. Lala then goes after Billie again saying, “Not only are you boring to speak to, you’re boring to look at too.” Billie follows that up by dragging Lala’s outfit which she calls “1995.” But Lala explains it’s actually J.Lo circa 2000 and it’s “iconic.” By the end of this confrontation, I almost thought Lala was gonna head butt Billie Lee. Needless to say, brunch does not go well except if you’re a fan of the UFC.
The next day, before TomTom’s debut, James goes over the almost-opened restaurant and tells Lisa what happened. He maintains that he kept his composure amidst all the drama which is actually pretty true. Still, he decides that he’s gonna bow out of the TomTom party because he knows it will create too much turmoil. I guess someone else will have to DJ on toilet paper that night.