Vanderpump Rules recap: Mean and sober
It’s day 35 of the trip to Solvang. Jk, we’re actually in the final stretch of the girls trip to wine country and Crazytown. It’s the morning after Kristen got tanked and fell down in the hotel lobby and she clearly is going through something. Katie claims that Kristen was like banging on doors at the hotel and asking for cigarettes. I would like to ask where that footage is?! So Kristen stayed with single gal Scheana in her extra bed (I guess the stuffed frog got the floor) and showed up in her Sur dress the next day for reasons not entirely clear.
The ladies head to another winery. Lala is starting to get real annoyed at not being able to drink on a wine trip. While the gals go play some corn hole (that is not a euphemism), Stassi confronts Kristen on her relationship with Carter. She’s just basically like this relationship is bad and you deserve better. Kristen compares her living situation with Carter to being a mother to a teenage son who lives in the basement and plays video games. YEOW. I think it’s time to kick the dude out, Doute.
No one seems to be doing great on this trip, in fact. Poor Lala is really struggling with her dad’s death. She confesses to Stassi that she misses him and is angry that this all happened. But she does say that Randall called her father to ask if he could take care of Lala which is super sweet.
Back in WeHo, Lisa reveals to the two Toms that she’s bringing a lady mixologist named “Sly” to help them streamline the cocktail menu. Tom and Tom are kinda put on the defense because they feel like they have zero input in this joint aside from their $100k, the name, and the pic of them kissing in the front. The Toms have come up with some interesting drink stuff too, including diamond-shaped ice cubes and something called “drink foam.” Sandoval later tells Schwartz that if Sly doesn’t like any of their drinks, he’s jumping ship…which prob just means going back to tend bar at Sur.
The friend group all head to a BBQ in Santa Monica held at Kristina Kelly’s house. Viewers will remember her as a Sur employee who was never named in the opening credits. Kristen and Carter decide that another person’s living room is the perfect place to have a deep conversation about their relationship. They both agree that they’re unhappy and need to really work on things. Well, Carter thinks Kristen has more work to do. He admits the therapist seems to have more things to say to her. I mean, le duh.
At TomTom, we meet Sly Cosmopolous, which feels like a fake name. She takes a little spin teaching the Toms about drinks while Lisa, Pandora, her husband, and some rando lady watch. After much suspense, she admits she actually likes ten of the cocktails they’ve created. “Drink foam” is not mentioned.
Back in Kristina’s living room/therapy spot, Lala brings Katie and Brittany in to sit and talk. She and Randall are in a bad place. She came home from her sober wine trip and he had been partying up a storm. So she’s “taking a break from him.” She cries and admits it will be a challenge not to be able to take the PJ to Greece. But she thinks she can still make her rent payment. Plus, she says that she can always, um, use her mouth to find another dude with a PJ. By the end of the episode, I had not seen one person eat a hamburger or hot dog at this BBQ.