Credit: Bravo

We’ve had the return of one of my favorite Vanderpump Rules supporting characters — the back alley at Sur. I don’t think we’ve seen old Alley since the James meltdown during Pride (never forget Raquel struggling to find a quiet moment to pee). James takes his brother, Harry, back there and congratulates him on getting a busboy job at Sur. This restaurant sure has lax hiring policies — he didn’t even bring a resume with him! But we get a chance to see his first day, which goes okay even if he’s dressed in some really ugly Sur swag.

So we’re back in Solvang with the ladies and still drinking wine. Kristen is starting to behave like me when I once drank on my final day of a Z-pack, a.k.a. incoherent. She’s already eaten a flower from a public planter, and now she’s like speaking weird languages while walking down the street. It’s not a good sign of things to come. The girls then find a local toy store that also happens to serve wine. Okay, sure.

Brittany FaceTimes with Jax in the store, which happens to be one of my pet peeves. I do not know why people can’t just have phone calls and need to FaceTime, but I realize this is in service of a TV show. Jax mentions that Lisa gave James a gig DJ’ing a party at Pump, which Kristen overhears. The name James is like a dog whistle for Kristen, and she goes crazy. She starts flipping out and saying “I’m over it” about 10 times but clearly is over nothing. She storms out of the toy/wine store and says, “I’m just gonna have to commit murder.” WATCH OUT, SOLVANG. Your planters and citizens are not safe.

Later at dinner, Kristen arrives after everyone else, which is another sign something is off. Katie asks why James just sets her off so much. She explains that it hurts her that he’s such a bad person and yet Lisa is able to easily forgive him. Kristen, meanwhile, remains on the outs with Dame Vanderpump.

The focus then sifts to Scheana and her relationship with Adam. Katie asks her if they’ve visited “Bangtown,” which I’m assuming is not in the vicinity of Solvang. Scheana says she doesn’t wanna share with these girls because she’s afraid they’ll make fun of her, which… is fair and the most self-aware thing Scheana has said recently. Then she starts crying and admits that she texted Katie the other day to braid her hair and Katie ignored her. Well, Scheana, I’d ignore you too. But at the end, they sorta find common ground and agree to get to know each other again.

Meanwhile, the dudes are all at the Mondrian hanging out. Peter makes a plea that he just wants to see boobs. So Sandoval acts as his wingman and brings some ladies over, who I’m sure are blissfully unaware of the camera crew around these guys. They all head upstairs to their suite, which is legit ginormous. But also feels a little creepy. At one point, Peter vanishes into the bathroom with one of the ladies and re-emerges with his shirt even more unbuttoned. Sandoval has brought a roller bag full of citrus fruit and booze for some DIY cocktails. But Jax is freaking out because he doesn’t want Britt to be upset. So he and Beau FaceTime their significant others to come clean about the ladies being there. They are not psyched, to say the least.

The ladies all finally return to the hotel lobby, and Kristen is completely looped. The best part is the lone woman sitting at the bar trying to ignore these girls with her Chardonnay. But it would be hard to ignore Kristen, since she’s belligerent. Katie tries to get her to chill out but instead Kristen falls over a bench in the lobby. “That was so trashy,” says Lala. She’s not wrong. The girls are perplexed as to what she’s so upset about. Then, Stassi comes back and reveals that Carter pays for nothing, like no rent and no bills. This is apparently why Kristen is so upset. She immediately regrets saying it out loud. But at least it’s not on camera… oh, wait.

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