Nicole Weingart/Bravo
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TV Show
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April 30, 2018 at 10:00 PM EDT

Well, this is always a sad time of year — the end of another season of Vanderpump Rules. What makes this year even sadder? The finale was a great big snooze.

So it’s the day of the TomTom party, which is like a preview for family and friends except the bar is neither finished nor open. It’s still a construction zone.

Little has changed in six seasons as we open on Sandoval doing his signature grooming routine: shaving his forehead and straightening his hair. In between primping, he tells Ariana that he and Schwartz are preparing to write Lisa and Ken another big check for $25,000. Mind you, this is the same man who’s electricity goes out when he uses the microwave and the air conditioning at the same time. Good luck!

So the site itself is still really bare bones. In all honesty, I walked by TomTom this weekend and they don’t look much further along in their development. But for the party, the Toms wheel in some coolers like they’re throwing a backyard BBQ. They have few of their fellow bartenders come by to help including infamous barback (and thirsty hopeful castmember) Adam.

Everyone slowly starts showing up to the construction site. Besides dust, the theme of the evening appears to be chokers. Half the ladies show up in the old school accessory. Despite the plywood setting, Katie thinks this could be her first step into a Vanderpump-esque world of moats. Never stop dreaming, gurl.

The big attraction at this bash is a frozen shot machine that Sandoval purchased at some bar convention in Vegas. It sorta looks like something they’d use to house the dino embryos in Jurassic Park. Sandoval claims this is the only one of its kind in America and TomTom will have it. But it also only looks like it can make like five shots at a time so I’m not sure how practical it will be. But Lisa seems to dig it! Sandoval also presents his own idea of what the uniforms should be at TomTom. Not surprisingly, his concept involves vests, clashing patterns, and man brooches. I think maybe its best to let him focus on the frozen booze.

Scheana is still trying desperately to prove that she and Rob are the perfect couple. She finds a pink hard hat, puts it on, and keeps parading in front of him. He seems way more interested in the smoking drinks.

James checks in on Jax who is still down about his breakup with Brittany. James then tells Jax Lala told him that Brittany hooked up with someone she met at In & Out. How long is she hanging out at a fast-food burger joint? Also, I need more information, like was he working the drive-thru?

Finally, the party moves a few doors down to Pump and Stassi’s beau Patrick shows up. Apparently, he’s like Bigfoot because no one has seen him in person. It’s literally like Santa Claus showed up to the restaurant. But Patrick is not exactly jolly. He and Lisa get into a weird conversation when Stassi introduces them. It’s revealed that she actually waved at him while at the SiriusXM studios. He then compliments Lisa’s butt. Then, Stassi basically loses the ability to speak. It’s very very odd and uncomfortable. Then, Lisa tries to salvage the situation and Patrick goes even harder on the butt comments. It’s soooo uncomfortable and gross. He also has a very moist forehead. Perhaps Sandoval can introduce him to forehead shaving. In any case, Stassi seems to be mortified and pleads with him to not break up with her over this interaction. Um, lady, your boyfriend is saying gross things about your mentor and has a wet forehead — time to cut and run.

Elsewhere, Brittany and Jax basically just try to avoid each other. Brittany gets some nice support from her girlfriends. Lala claims her man thinks Brittany is hot and “wants to pay her bills too.” Hmmmm.

Finally, Britt and Jax have a conversation and it does not go well. She’s still super upset with him and hurt for good reason. But she also doesn’t understand why he won’t leave the apartment building. He’s adamant that he’ll stay. Maybe he just really loves that ill-placed Friends peephole frame.

After Brittany yells at him, Jax then sits down with Lisa. She has just given James back his job but she is feeling no such sympathy for Jax. She is done with him apologizing and doing the same thing over and over and over again. He asks what he should do and she basically says to resign. I love that she asks him to hand in his resignation letter as if he’s an employee at the White House. He’s a bartender! Also, I question whether Jax even owns a computer. He def doesn’t have a printer! But he does indeed quit.

The final moments are Jax sorta wandering around Pump, confused and unsure of what to do. Something tells me a Reiki appointment will be on the docket.

type
TV Show
seasons
5
Genre
run date
01/07/13
Status
In Season
Network
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