BRAVO
type
TV Show
Genre
Reality
Network
S6 E13
March 05, 2018 at 10:00 PM EST

Tonight’s Vanderpump Rules is a tribute to both Vegas and Freudian slips.

Sooo, despite the fact that Sur has reopened since the fire with brand new computers and chandeliers, half the staff is taking off to go on Tom and Tom’s “business trip.” I’m still not really clear why they have to go to Vegas to look at light fixtures — that town doesn’t scream “modern elegance.” But, then again, Pump kinda looks like it could be a fairy bordello sooooo I guess this all tracks.

Lest we all forget, before she was leading the feminist revolt at Sur, Lala had dreams of being a music star. So she brings Sur’s other “singer” Scheana with her to record some songs. It happens to be the same studio where Scheana recorded her master works before so homegurl has a little PTSD. Lala has hired a team of like six people to help her record. It’s unclear if she has any discernible talent. It mostly just feels like she coos into a microphone. Scheana also does a little cameo on the tune but Lala throws serious shade and says she’ll likely cut that part later.

Since this is a Scheana sequence, we MUST talk about her relationship. She tells Lala about Jax starting trouble and Lala is kinda like, Who cares. Then Scheana tells her about them discussing marriage and their daughter’s first name and Lala is like, Slooooow your roll lady. Dudes don’t typically want to start naming children when he can’t even say he loves you out loud.

The Vegas “business” trip gets to a rollicking start with the group — Sandoval, Schwartz, Ariana, Katie, Jax, and Brittany — all doing shots in the shuttle on the way to the airport. PROFESSIONALS! They arrive at the hotel, and Lisa has hooked up the two Toms and their girlfriends with a lavish suite. Meanwhile, Jax and Brittany basically get the equivalent of a room with a view of an alley. Ariana comes into the room and sees a hanging bed/sex swing and immediately says it’s her “dream come true,” which is weird given that she hates her vagina and intercourse with her boyfriend.

The girls are upstairs getting ready while the guys are down in the casino drinking/gambling. Brittany comes in basically wearing a romper/cape combo sans bra. It is definitely an outfit for the books. She’s carrying a pregnancy test because she doesn’t use birth control (!) and has been on like a non-stop barf tour. The idea of these two raising a child is more disturbing than the skin-removal torture scenes in Red Sparrow.

Naturally, she brings the test, which she has URINATED ON, to the casino to show Jax. He is appalled because, as he explains, he pulls out at least 75 percent of the time they have sex. She keeps him in suspense until he realizes that the test is negative and she’s not actually pregnant. But it turns out that Jax wants to be a dad. I feel like there are A LOT of things that need to be adjusted before he is ready for that moment. He needs to do a lot more than just visit that overly flirty Reiki healer.

While the Vegas gang is experiencing pregnancy scares and Jell-O shots, Lala is meeting with Stassi about planning an upcoming showcase. But it mostly feels like Lala telling Stassi what she’s interested in seeing and Stassi just agreeing. Lala makes maybe one of the most amusing slips of the night, though, when she announces during her confessional that she’s excited to “spread her legs” and show everyone her musicality. The interviewer corrects her.

Somehow, the two Toms wake up on time for their first meeting with Lisa and Ken. They go and look at plateware, which again seems like something that could be found in or around Los Angeles. Lisa announces she’s going for an “industrial sexy” vibe for Tom Tom, which I think just means there will be a lot of Edison light bulbs and lilies. She also wants it to have a masculine vibe but realizes that is a disconnect given that the two Toms are involved in this venture. I appreciate her self-awareness.

Then, it’s time for Sandoval’s birthday celebration. The gang all get him a guitar and an amp which seems like an incredibly expensive gift for people who aren’t exactly rolling in dough. And Jax is the one who spearheaded the effort! He can’t even get a cute room at Planet Hollywood! But the crew goes out HARD. Like at one point Schwartz is drinking straight from the bottle. But oh no: They have to get up early and look at chandeliers the next day! I feel like this meeting could have been scheduled a little better.

They head to the meeting the next morning a little late and definitely half drunk (they take shots of fireball en route). Sandoval tries to insert himself into the conversation and offer his own design ideas, but Lisa shoots them all done. I mean this is the man who used to shave his forehead. That being said, I am camping outside Tom Tom until that sexy industrial space opens!

type
TV Show
seasons
5
Genre
Reality
run date
01/07/13
Status
In Season
Network
Complete Coverage

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