Katie and Tom take the plunge, while Scheana and Shay call it quits

By Amanda Bell
March 27, 2017 at 10:01 PM EDT
  • TV Show

As much as they’ve thrown down over the years, you’d have to be drinking some strong haterade to feel feisty about Katie and Tom’s wedding on this week’s episode of Vanderpump Rules. There’s not a dry eye in the house — er, woods — and it’s partly because the two “bubbas” keep their vows refreshingly real, while Lisa Vanderpump’s officiating skills are on point as well. As for the speeches… well, they’re about as deep as you’d expect from this crew, but at least no one’s fighting tonight. Well, almost no one.

LVP’s advice at the altar comes through as completely sound, considering it’s coming from a woman who’s been married to her husband Ken for more than three decades, and they’re still at the point where he’ll cut in to have a dance with his bride.

“You are never too old to hold hands,” she advises the newlyweds before they say “I do.” “It’s important that you say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. Never go to sleep angry. Never text with tequila. Support each other when difficult decisions must be made and respect each other and each other’s opinions.” Of the lot, Katie and “Schwartzy” should pay special attention to the texting on tequila line, no?

Tom’s personalized vows for Katie leave all his boys in tears — yes, even Jax. “Moving west to pursue my dreams was one of the most exciting decisions of my life. But with a fledgling bank account and a leaky air mattress, I’d resigned to be L.A.’s least eligible bachelor,” he says through happy tears. “It has been a roller coaster of a relationship, highs and lows. But six years later I honestly cannot imagine not waking up to you every morning. We almost became like another relationship — another failed romance in La-La Land — but we persevered and we worked hard. I feel like we practically had to tear down our relationship to rebuild.” Tear down and rebuild they did. Several times, actually.

Katie acknowledges their rocky road on her end as well, saying, “In six years, it’s been a lot of love, a lot of laughter, a lot of tears. At times, I definitely thought my world would end because I can’t imagine my world without you in it, and I didn’t want to know what that was like. But we did persevere together, and because of that it showed me that some of life’s biggest challenges are to come, but we will be able to do them together because it is our commitment together and our love that has carried us through. I can’t wait to live the rest of my life with you.”

Yeahhh, there’s nothing to hate on about that. The sweetness of the moment even makes Katie’s dress look a little better. Just a little.

Once the reception kicks off, things start to get back to normal. The booze is flowing, hugs are going all around, and Stassi even seizes an opportunity to confront Ariana as to why she just doesn’t like her. Turns out, they have more in common than they initially thought, and it’s pretty much the perfect time to hash(tag) it out because they’ve each got #Murder4Lyfe goals in mind. Ariana’s shell cracks just enough to let Stassi in, and now the blondes are “friendly acquaintances,” which is a huge step.

Meanwhile, wedding fever is definitely in the air as Schwartz’s besties start feeling the love for their ladies. Jax pulls Brittany aside and teases her that they’re not doing so well right now — which almost has her fooled, except they both know that he knows she’s beyond right for him. He promises her that he wants to marry her eventually and that it’s not a question of “if” so much as “when” right now. Whodathunkit. Meanwhile, Sandoval is ready to put a ring on it with Ariana, too, but she’s not too eager to wear white just yet. To be continued…
NEXT: Scheana makes a very tough decision 

The good news for Sandoval is that Lisa spills her plans to bring him in as a partner in her new restaurant, and he’s over the moon with excitement about the prospect. Plus, he’s completely flattered that she would pick him, of everyone, to trust with this responsibility. But this Tom S. isn’t the only one she’s looking out for. She’s also ready to give Schwartz a leg up in the business by making him the jovial “face” of the place.

Schwartz is “allergic” to commitment, though, so Lisa recognizes that his hesitation is just his usual schtick, overthinking things before realizing it’s for the best. She takes leave of them with the offer on the table, which gives Sandoval the opportunity to talk some sense into the groom and their glorious opportunity to work together and run a place literally titled Tom Tom. He’ll come around to it, count on that.

As the party winds down, Schwartz’s brother Billy gives his umpteeth drunk speech while everyone else throws in as many “f-bombs” as the cameramen can allow for one episode. Everyone’s chummy and happy and blissed out — everyone except Scheana, that is.

She might have put on a good show for Lisa about her marriage to Shay, but his constant absence from her life is starting to wear on her strong facade. His MIA status from the wedding is the least of her problems, really, because when we fast forward to three months later, we learn that Scheana has caught Shay looting their checking account and buying Adderall for the past few months.

She talks to Lisa about her dilemma — because LVP is boss in more ways than one — and Lisa encourages her to start fresh while she’s still young. She can’t repair her marriage while one party’s lying, staying out all hours, and disappearing for days at a time with no contact.

This gives Scheana the courage she needs to confront Shay, and he denies using their money for drugs, insisting that he loves her and will always love her but that he needed some space to clear his mind. The fact that he’s coming home for the first time in days with pierced ears all of a sudden and denying what she’s pretty sure has happened to her face does nothing to mend what’s broken between them.

With tears, the two agree to part and consult with a divorce lawyer, and Shay packs his belongings. While the episode started out as a joyous celebration of young love and the start of a union, the end sees one of our SUR pals choosing to end hers. It’s a bummer, and even though the news feeds have given us all the play-by-play on their split, it’s still surprising to see so much raw emotion on display as they say goodbye once and for all.

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