James' secret affair is exposed, and Lala tries to prove she's not dating a married man

By Evan Slead
December 06, 2016 at 03:29 AM EST
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Vanderpump Rules

S5 E5
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  • Bravo
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Bring in the evidence! The servers turn into sleuths this week, tracking down evidence to prove both James and Lala have something to hide. With Raquel supposed to be James’ one and only squeeze, the rampant rumors of his hookup with GG are only made worse now that a new former fling has thrown her hat into the ring. On top of it all, Lala tries to get back into everyone’s good graces, but her own possible extramarital indiscretions have her in the doghouse with the SUR staff. It’s always sexy and unique in this group, so let’s unravel the tantalizing gossip and see if Tom and Katie’s wedding will ever happen amongst the bickering.

Speaking of the “happy” couple, Katie and Tom visit the Lake Tahoe area to scout out their wedding spot. Amidst the “I’m not ready to get married” jokes Tom keeps cracking, Katie attempts to keep things lighthearted and exciting. Even though Tom admits he’s ready to exchange vows, these quick jabs aren’t convincing anyone he’s being honest about his feelings. There’s always a little bit of truth in those jokes, sir. Still, Katie moves forward, looking ahead to the bright and sunny day the couple can finally stand in front of their loved ones and say “I do.” Fingers crossed, kids.

Tom and Ariana, our other long-term couple, continue to show up the rest of the staff with their laid-back but responsible relationship. They work together, live together, and work out together. Tom even shares hair ties with Ariana to keep his man bun going. James meets up with the couple for a little Crunch Fitness and gab session. James reveals he finally lost his jobs at Pump and SUR after his argument with Jax. Both Tom and Ariana seem shocked he was fired, basically placing most of the blame on Jax and his constant need to call out James’ behavior at work. Good old Tom has some solid advice for James, though: “Jerk off while looking in the mirror. That always makes me feel better,” he says. We should unpack that, but honestly, I don’t really want to.

Speaking of good TV, let’s get to the nitty gritty of the drama for James. Lala’s friend, Ellie — former Villa Blanca server — drops the bomb she slept with James only a month ago. This is huge because James has apparently been with Raquel since the beginning of the year, placing him firmly in a committed relationship. Cheating scandal! So now he has GG and this Ellie chick to make him look (even more) like a slimeball. We must give credit to Ellie for going so far as to take a selfie while in bed with James the morning after their hookup, but if she knew she would have to do something like that to debunk his lie, why sleep with him at all? We’ve all seen him.

NEXT: Scheana spreads the news of Ellie’s sex selfie

Before the rest of the group can learn about the Ellie bombshell, they all get together for drinks — minus James and Lala — to hear Jax’s side of the SUR fight. Sandoval tries to call out Jax for stirring up the big fight that got James fired, but Jax, of course, denies doing anything of the sort. He then follows this up by saying, “I just love poking him to get him riled up.”

Meanwhile, Scheana heads over to the Kristen, Katie, and Stassi table to warn them of Ariana and Tom’s defending of James and Lala. In a fantastic turn of events, Kristen attempts to call out Ariana for defending James, but Ariana knows how to handle these brawls. Kristen tries to paint James in a bad light, which isn’t too hard to do, but her reasons are weak and, honestly, fall in line with things she’s done herself, like having public outbursts and cheating on a significant other. “Well, I could say the same thing about you, Kristen,” says Ariana. We then get a glorious clips reel of Kristen punching James, Schwartz and Sandoval in their faces. Maybe do a little more homework or throw together a slide show to prove your point next time, Kristen.

I think we all need a slight breather from the drama, so let’s talk clothes. It looks like the SUR staff is getting new outfits, or at least the male servers are. Scheana throws on one of the black button-up shirts to show Lisa the girls could wear them as dresses (maybe just throw on a chunky belt and statement earring?). Lisa isn’t impressed with this joke, so she saunters away to let Ariana and Scheana chat about the Ellie and James news. Apparently, Scheana had no idea Ellie had ever hooked up with James, let alone a month ago.

This becomes Scheana’s complete focus, and suddenly she’s planned a breakfast with Ellie to get more intel. (Props to Scheana for being determined to get the gossip as quickly as possible for the rest of her girls.) During said breakfast, Scheana gets the goods from Ellie and delivers some low blows over the fact Ellie ever slept with James. “Why would someone even date him?” she repeatedly asks. Ellie shares the selfie heard ‘round the world, and Scheana screenshots it so she can keep it in her own portfolio of “evidentiary support.”

Immediately after the breakfast and chill, Scheana books it to Kristen’s place, demanding Stassi also show up to hear the news. Without skipping a beat or even really saying hello, Scheana tells the other girls about Ellie, passing her phone around with the selfie as if it were an artifact or OJ’s bloody glove. Stassi somehow relates this to a sex tape, reminding us all she had that drama of her own back in the day. She then gives a PSA on sex tapes: “Woman of America, stop making sex tapes. They will get out there.” Good advice. All three ladies then turn the tables, taking on Lala and her “married” man. Apparently, all three of them have separate sources who have vehemently identified Lala’s new boo as a man very much entangled in marriage. Do we know who these sources are? No. But it doesn’t seem to matter to anyone, so I guess that’s that.

Attempting to get the real story, Lala hits up James to hear his side of the Ellie story. Right away, James denies Ellie’s claims they slept together, even with the photo evidence. “There are so many apps that can change the date,” he pulls out of his butt. Lala sweetly lets this slide but pushes him to be completely honest with her. “I’ve been told a lot of things about you, but I want your side,” she says to him, but he throws that same statement back in her face. “I’ve heard you’re with a married man,” he says.

Lala looks dumbfounded, unsure of how to proceed with her partner-in-crime. Are they both living a lie? Lala, especially, must feel the heat of the truth coming toward her; her one true SUR ally, James, is gone, leaving her to feel the wrath of Scheana and the crew. What’s still baffling is why anyone cares what James is doing, as he’s really only friends with Tom, Ariana and Lala, all of whom don’t care about who he sleeps with. Perhaps next week — with more wedding plans underway — they’ll all take a break from talking about James and his naked exploits.

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Vanderpump Rules

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  • 7
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  • Bravo

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