The Vampire Diaries recap: The Cabin in the Woods
Enzo screwed up the plan to hide Elena and Stefan from the Travelers, and the battle for Tyler's body went just as poorly
After all our favorite characters (and Bonnie) have been through during five seasons, they must be tired. That’s the only way to explain why no one was hustling in this episode when they should have been: Maybe don’t make puppy eyes at each other when you’re trying to find a body so that your friend doesn’t have to permanently leave his? Maybe have the conversation with your ex in the car if you know the people who want your blood now know where you are? Even with those holes, which are the size of the one in Damon’s shirt after ghost Markos impaled him, this was an enjoyable hour. Let’s dig in.
We opened with Tyler waking up to find himself on his back shirtless, chained, and straddled by a woman (Julian’s wife, Maria) who enjoys kissing his torso. If my favorite chenille blanket would have been present, this scene could have been from one of my better dreams. (Disclaimer: I have never actually dreamt about Michael Trevino, but I’m not opposed to it.) Tyler pretended to be passenger Julian, and while Maria talked about Markos being ready to grab the doppelgängers and do the spell to give them a permanent home that day, Tyler forced himself to turn into a wolf — which was hot until his arm broke. Maria’s run for help was a bit of bad acting, and the Travelers are wimps. Wolf Tyler bolted.
Wonder Twin Luke was busy chanting and annoying Damon while trying to do a locator spell to find Enzo. Of course, Luke couldn’t track him ’cause he’s dead. Luckily, Tyler showed up to distract Damon with the story of Markos saying it was game day. Damon, who wore a great V-neck, decided the Salvatore brothers would go on a secret trip with Elena so that Luke could do a masking spell to keep their location hidden from the Travelers. They went to Caroline’s dad’s cabin with as much alcohol as I would bring. We got to see Caroline after she was absent last episode. Thank you. She seemed her usual self — a little annoyed that Elena and Stefan were behaving like flirty old friends. But now Caroline had a Spidey sense. Cue ghost Enzo.
Damon failed to ignore Elena while she unpacked. He apologized for Enzo coming after her and said he’d track Enzo down and get him to apologize to her, too. She made an excuse to leave the room. He knew something was up. Jeremy and Bonnie’s awkward makeout session in her dorm room was interrupted by Jeremy wondering what they were going to do about both the Other Side and Bonnie slipping away. She’s still lying to him about Liv thinking there’s a way to save her. He got the text that Tyler was back, so he went to get his things from somewhere else in the largest dorm room ever while Grams appeared to give Bonnie hell and tell her that people continue to get swept away on the Other Side. She told Bonnie that false hope doesn’t protect Jeremy, it only protects her. Grams was able to knock over a lamp. Get ready to have some fun, Enzo.
NEXT: Never have I ever thought Elena would be that competitive at Charades Enzo realized he, too, could touch things in our plane after he got pissed overhearing Stefan talk to Elena about his death while getting wood. (Not a euphemism, Caroline!) Inside the cabin, bartender Damon made drinks and Caroline prepared a game of Charades with the theme of secrets people think they’re getting away with. Hint, hint. At Salvatore Mansion, Bonnie told Jeremy that when she pictured their romantic day together, she didn’t see him and two other guys. You know, Bonnie, that is not a bad visual to have. The boys had Tyler chained up and brought forth Julian. They made Julian drink a vervain-wolfsbane cocktail.
Markos yelled at Maria for not being able to tell that Julian wasn’t in the body that she was trying to dry hump earlier. He wanted to hear more chanting as the Travelers went on the move. Bored now. I hope next episode Markos gets more to do. This show isn’t the same when the bad guy isn’t as compelling as the good guys.
As Caroline predicted, it was Stelena versus her and Damon in Charades, and Stefan and Elena were winning. (Except for when it comes to quality eyerolls.) Damon wanted to play Never Have I Ever. In the end, it was so Caroline could ask if Elena had kissed a Salvatore brother that day and Damon could ask Stefan if he’d lied about Enzo’s whereabouts. Elena excused herself for bed and drew a bubble bath — that Enzo promptly drowned her in. Damon found her and asked why a ghost would be targeting her…
Matt and Jeremy continued to torture Julian with Matty Blue Eyes going full Zero Dark Thirty on Tyler’s body. Julian didn’t know where Markos is, but he said knowing Markos, he’d be looking to make Tyler’s body Julian’s permanent home. Well, as long as the body stays on the show, I thought…
Caroline overheard Stefan calling Bonnie to confirm that ghosts like Enzo can now touch things on our plane, and she figured out Enzo was dead. Elena had told Damon, and Damon was pissed. But they had bigger problems: Enzo had screwed with Luke, who was gone, so there was no masking spell. Markos had their location.
The girls went off into the woods looking for Luke: Caroline was annoyed that Elena hadn’t told her the truth about Enzo, and Elena wondered where Caroline’s accusation about her and Stefan sucking face had come from. Setting up that Caroline will acknowledge that she has feelings for Stefan by season’s end, are we?
The boys had it out, too: Damon seemed to be more upset that he didn’t feel that Enzo was gone, just as he didn’t feel Stefan was missing last summer or Katherine was a passenger in Elena.
NEXT: A little less conversation, a little more action, everyone Back to Jeremy and Bon Bon. They went into a creepy/romantic cave looking for Julian’s body. They found a whole lot of Travelers who’d become passengers. In the woods, Stefan admitted the real reason he didn’t tell Damon about killing Enzo: He didn’t think Damon would go on a rampage, he just thought he’d hate him. So that was actually pretty sweet, guys. The brothers found Luke in a shed, which Enzo had doused with kerosene. Enzo slammed down a light and a fire started. Um, why were Damon and Stefan not grabbing Luke and running immediately? I guess because we needed to pause for a commercial break before they jumped into action.
Damon finally told Stefan to get Luke, and Enzo shut the door and stabbed Stefan through his body. “Dick move, Enzo,” Damon said. Then he got impaled, too. Damon told Enzo about the Other Side crumbling and promised that if he let them live, he’d find a way to bring Enzo back — like Bonnie and Markos. While Enzo considered it, Damon valiantly told Stefan to get out with Luke, who was the only one who could mask Stefan and Elena. Very heroic. Enzo finally let Damon go, too, just in time.
As Bonnie told Jeremy their date could be worse, it got worse. Maria and the Travelers showed up, chanted to make Jeremy choke, and light-as-a-boarded Julian’s body out of there. At the cabin, Luke told Stefan he respects how the friends take care of each other. That’s setting up what I assume will be a battle between the Wonder Twins next episode since the promo showed Liv saying Stefan or Elena needs to die. (She’s like Rebekah-lite.) Damon punched Stefan in the face for Enzo, and then he said that’s the last they’d talk about it.
In the Salvatore Cellar, Tyler was told the Travelers had Julian’s body, and then he started seeing what Julian had seen while he was in Tyler’s body. Bonnie assumed the Travelers had started the spell to make Julian permanent and yep, they were chanting as Julian’s body burned. “Make it stop. Make it stop,” Tyler said. I almost got a little misty, but it was a bit rushed. And then there was calm before his eyes went black. “I take it you didn’t find my body,” Julian said. Bastard. So Tyler’s gone? For good? I take it back. I need more than that body.
Caroline was standing by the burning shed for what purpose? Stefan found her there to tell her they were leaving, and she sulked about the fact that he trusts Elena more than he trusts her. No, he said, he tells Caroline things he doesn’t tell Elena. (Sweet face touch. Thanks, dirt.) He said he knew Caroline and Enzo had “chemistry” — which she denied — and he didn’t want her to think less of him for killing him. There it was. Simmer down, shippers.
Stefan left first and suddenly, he was on the Other Side. WHAT? For real, why were the ladies not in a rush to leave the cabin? They knew the Travelers could find them. Damon tried to hurry Elena along so they could leave, but she wanted to talk. It was a pretty great scene though, hearing Damon say he was fighting against every urge to spiral — for her. Of course he’s mad at her, but he still wants to be with her, which means he’s nuts when he’s around her and nuts when he isn’t. Why wasn’t she getting this? None of us were confused by what he meant. Finally, to show her, he kissed her. The tone was perfect: Passionate but controlled. There was no question of him taking it beyond that. As he said, he’d had a really crappy day and he needed that. To remind him what he’s fighting for, I think. To tether him just for a moment and make it easier.
He walked inside to finish packing, and she stood there kinda breathless — happy that he wants to be around her. And then headache. The Travelers were there chanting. Markos grabbed her. Question: Shouldn’t the vamps have heard the Travelers coming with all that chanting? Couldn’t Damon and Caroline hear them now? Your turn. What did you think of the episode? Go!
The Vampire Diaries