After Sookie's love life is settled, Sam and Bill come up with a surprising plan to unite humans and healthy vamps against the Hep V-infected hordes
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Credit: John P. Johnson/ HBO
True Blood, Anna Paquin, ... | In the season 3 finale, vampire Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) made Bill confess to Sookie — who can't read vampire minds — that he let her…

I don’t know if any episode of True Blood this season has lived up to its TV-MA LSV rating like this one: We got plenty of NSFW language with the phrase of the hour seeming to be “What the f—?” We got a lot of sex as the vamps high on Bill’s blood fornicated in his front yard and Jason pleasured Violet for the 178th straight night with no reciprocation. And there was substantial violence as Warlow turned inpatient and abusive toward Sookie and ultimately met the true death courtesy of Niall and Jason.

Also, Eric went full frontal, which deserves the creation of a new letter — N will not do. While it would be perfect for Eric to go out sunbathing nude on a remote, snow-covered mountaintop in Sweden after showing us the only part of himself we’ve never seen, I refuse to believe he’s gone. Yes, he burst into flames when Warlow died and the effects of his blood wore off, but let’s think: Pam was on her way to find him. Perhaps she got there in time with a blanket big enough for two and they will have stopped, dropped, and rolled their way down that mountain. Or maybe the flames from Eric melted the snow, which caused an avalanche bringing him down the mountain. There is a ski resort there. (And we can’t lose Eric in a blaze of bad special effects.) The real question, besides what that book was that Eric was reading in his chair, is if Eric intended to commit suicide. Was he so sure the blood wouldn’t wear off, or was he waiting for it to wear off? Let’s back up. This finale won’t go down as one of the show’s best episodes, but it does reboot the series for season 7.

After Terry’s funeral, Alcide and Sookie took a walk that was supposed to remind us what a good, decent, supportive guy Alcide can be. He thought Sookie was just worried because Jason hadn’t shown up for the service. He assured her that Jason is a survivor. Alcide said sometimes he wishes he was a telepath, too, so he’d know what Sookie was thinking. Her mind was the last place he wanted to be, she said. Not true. That tender moment was interrupted when Alcide sniffed vamps. “What the f—?” he asked, as they watched the vampires Bill saved stripping and getting frisky. They were loving the sun, each other, and the grass (hi, Pam, you’re over Eric leaving?). At least Jason was there — carrying Violet on his shoulders.

Sookie insisted Alcide let her investigate alone. The party was in full swing — sex, dancing, deciding who was going on a Target run for croquet and volleyball supplies. Jason was ready to have sex with Violet, who fed on him by a tree. Romantic, really. Sookie came up and Violet bristled. She was finally convinced that Jason did have a sister. “Then you are my sister, too,” she said, and kissed Sookie on the lips. “Sookie, meet Violet. She’s European,” Jason said. Ha. Was inbreeding popular when Violet was young, or does she just think of siblings like Eric and Nora? What had changed Jason’s opinion about Violet claiming him as hers? He felt like someone had his back, the way Bill had always had Sookie’s. Sookie told him to be careful.

After Pam and Tara greeted Sookie, Sookie didn’t go inside to see Bill. She went back to Warlow, who was building the maypole for their union. When night falls, he said, they wrap themselves around the maypole and use their light to make their wedding rings. I could’ve rewound to make sense of that, but why. Sookie told Warlow she would keep her promise about being his but asked to slow the clock down. She asked him to date her. She said Jason, Tara, and Arlene –- her real friends – would accept him. He could be a part of their community. He slapped her across the face and sent her to the ground. Then he lifted her up by the throat. Who does she think she’s talking to? An abusive a–hole, apparently. So much for liking Warlow.

NEXT: Time to save Sookie

Back at Bill’s, Violet and Jason played volleyball opposite Jessica and James, and Violet hit Jessica in the face with the ball. Very mature, Violet. But also fun. It was great to see the vamps in their summer clothes. Everyone was in a good mood but Pam, whose buzz had worn off. She realized she missed Eric. She told Tara she was going after him, and off she flew in her leisure wear (which was way better than her Wal-Mart sweatsuit). Tara wasn’t happy, obviously: “You guys are the worst f—in’ makers ever,” she said.

Bill was in his office mourning the loss of his powers and Sookie’s humanity. He couldn’t feel Lilith anymore — hooray — he felt like Bill. He told Jessica about the deal Sookie had to make with Warlow, that she was going to be made vampire. Jessica reminded him that Bill would walk through fire to save Sookie, and he had to try to make it right — even if he’s unsure she could ever forgive him or if there was even time.

Bill and Jessica told Jason about Sookie, and he refused to believe that she would agree to marry the vampire who killed their parents. Jason was ready to kill Bill but right there, but he had to save Sookie. Bill told them all about the portal and that the only way to access it would be with Adilyn’s light. Jason said he’d go to Andy alone to ask for her help, but Violet said he’d never be alone again. Ah. Am I going to like her?

Bill set Takahashi free in the woods with a bag of money and glamoured his whereabouts from his memory. That was nice of Bill, but was it safe with the Hep V vamps on the loose? Andy, meanwhile, wouldn’t invite Violet into his home, even after she said she only feeds on Jason because they’re monogamous. But Jason convinced Adilyn to help save Sookie. Adilyn knows what it’s like to lose a sister (or three), and Sookie is the only other fae she knows. Andy gave in: “Let’s do this s—, then. But we’re goin’ in heavy.” Rambo it up, boys.

Warlow had Sookie tied to the maypole now and she threatened to throw her fairy light away. He wanted her to rebuild the joyous fairy tribe he’d killed off, so that was her only play. He just tied her hands above her head so she couldn’t form her ball again. “You really are a danger whore, aren’t you?” he said. He told her she should have trusted her instincts: It turns out he does just want to f— her, and own her, and use her for her blood. He smiled. Why? Night had fallen. He bit her neck.

NEXT: Bye, Rob Kazinsky

The rescue party arrived in the cemetery. Adilyn had no idea how to get them to the other plane. “I’m like 2 weeks old!” she yelled back at a frustrated Jason. Bill tried to calmly talk her through it, but it’s fear that motivates fairies to harness their power. So Violet screamed in her face. Once they were in the other plane, Bill attacked Warlow and Violet grabbed Sookie. Bill told them all to leave and he’d deal with Warlow. Yeah, that didn’t work out well. Bill was no match.

They took Sookie back to her house, and Violet fed her some of her blood in her bedroom. Warlow showed up and Andy thought he’d stopped him. Nope. Warlow zapped Violet with his light, so she was no help. Bill couldn’t enter the house to stake him. Warlow zapped him. Warlow locked Andy and Jason in the cubby, where they’d hidden Adilyn. She tried to use her light to open the lock that Warlow had sealed with his.

Warlow found Sookie in her bathroom. Was it just luck that she ended up there where that portal to that other dimension happened to be, or had Niall already made his presence known to her off-camera and encouraged her to lure Warlow there? Either way, Niall reached out from the other dimension and held Warlow while Jason showed up in time to stake him. They were able to pull Niall back into our dimension. When Warlow died, the vamps’ ability to daywalk ended. That’s when we saw all of Eric in Åre, Sweden.

The action picked up six months later. There was no mention of Pam — or Eric. The CDC is now struggling to understand Hep V and a book by one William Compton — And God Bled: A story of Death and Redemption — is a best-seller. He was on TV being interviewed and not at all worried about getting arrested for admitting that he ripped Gov. Burrell’s head off. “It’s not like he didn’t deserve it?” Bill said. What jury would convict him for murdering the man who created Hep V? (Where are you, Sarah Newlin…) Sookie was watching the interview from her couch. And oh wait, there’s Alcide, who, in the last six months, has cut his hair, bulked up, and learned to take Sookie to bed without her vomiting, apparently. Do we feel cheated that they glossed over giving us a real sex scene between those two? Something to look forward to in season 7, I suppose.

The other Stackhouse was also in bed. Violet had said she’d make Jason woo her and work for it and she meant it. I wonder if that’s the longest oral sex scene in TV history? Someone do the research and get back to me. Jason seemed rather good at it, judging from her reaction, and that’s because he’s had a lot of practice. He’s gone down on her 178 nights in a row, some nights multiple times. He’s built her the “girliest, lock-tightest” basement ever, and still, she’s never touched him. “What the f—?” he asked. “In due time,” she said. And down again he went. (Also, what exactly was girly about that basement?)

NEXT: Christian mingle

Sookie and Alcide went to church, and she looked like a Southern stereotype in her floral dress and hat. I laughed. You? Sam was outside telling Andy that people don’t trust their government but they still trust their church. There had to be a lot of trust if they all consented to having blood samples taken upon entering. They were testing to see who was carrying the Hep V virus. It was so Jason to be afraid of the little needle when he gets regularly fed upon by a vampire.

Rev. Skinner and Rev. Daniels assembled their congregations together, the latter explained, because they’re all going to have to stick together to survive the roaming bands of sick and hungry vampires that are wiping out small towns because they think they’re easy pickin’. He encouraged them all to sit by someone they hadn’t met before (translation: integrate). This was just the warm up. Sam, the new mayor of Bon Temps (!), told everyone, including a now-showing pregnant Nicole, why they were really being tested. Hep V is spreading. It’s only fatal to vampires, but any human can be a carrier. Infected vampires aren’t as strong as healthy ones. Sam and Bill had come up with a plan: Tonight at the Bellefleur’s bar and grill, owner Arlene was going to hold a free social. (I guess she got that insurance money.) They’d get the results of their blood tests there. Sam’s asking that every adult who isn’t a carrier agree to a monogamous feeding relationship with a healthy vampire in exchange for protection for them and their children. If they’re going to be safe, every human needs a vampire and every vampire needs a human. My reaction: WHAT? We haven’t seen this before! It could be totally weird, but then, it’s not like we’re actually going to see hundreds of humans being fed upon. (Will it have to be direct from the vein, or can they pump?)

At the social, humans and vampires mingled checking fang size. I thought Jessica looked sad because no one was picking her or listening to James’ band, but we’d learn there was another reason. Sookie and Alcide aren’t carriers, but they decided they’d eat and leave. Tara and Willa seemed happy enough — had they heard from Pam and Eric? — but then Willa seemed to give it added weight when she told Tara’s mother that she is Tara’s friend.

Tara’s mother wanted to talk, and that scene in the supply barn we’ve never seen before could have been utterly ridiculous, but that actress really pulled it off. She wanted to apologize for the way she handled Tara’s whole life. She said when Tara’s father left, she loved him with everything she had in her. She hurt for herself, so much so that she forgot to hurt for Tara — and forgot to feed her for days at a time. Good lord. That was beautifully played — it should be a struggle to admit that. She wanted to make it right for the both of them now. “Come here, let me feed you. Let me take care of you. Let me nourish my baby girl,” she said. And Tara bit her mother. It wasn’t gentle.

NEXT: Jessica makes a deal; Sookie doesn’t

There was a knock at Andy’s door, and it was Jessica. He wasn’t happy to see her, obviously, and raised his gun at her. She’d been upset because he hadn’t shown up at the social. She doesn’t want their blood, but she came to offer them protection. She can’t give him his girls back, but she can give him peace of mind that he and Adilyn will be safe. He thought about shooting her, and she didn’t run. Maybe the fact that she was willing to die if that’s what he wanted was enough. Even if he didn’t say yes, she was going to protect them. He closed the door, and she stood watch outside. Is that what this will entail? Who will feed Jessica? She can’t protect two families at once. (Will Bill ask Takahashi to make a special Tru Blood supply for him and Jessica?)

Bill ran into Sookie and Alcide as they were leaving the social. He asked for time alone with Sookie, but Alcide said anything he had to say to her, he could say to him. Basically, Bill wanted to offer Sookie his protection because he knows she needs a vampire more than anyone. Alcide said she had him, but Bill told him he’s not good enough. “You can growl all you want, bright eyes,” he added. Ha! Just then, both men smelled something. A large pack of Hep V vampires approached the social. And scene.

That last shot felt very much like The Walking Dead, right? I don’t think that’s a bad thing. One of the major problems with season 6 was the action wasn’t centralized. Now that Alcide and Sookie are together, we don’t need to worry about werewolf packs (let’s hope). We don’t need to go to another dimension. Hopefully season 7 will be about the humans and healthy vamps versus the Hep V vamps. Won’t it just be nice to have villains that we can understand? Bad, hungry vampires = very simple. It will let you focus on the relationships and not the mythology. We know that some vampires can’t separate feeding and sex, so that should make for some juicy/fun story lines. Who is Arlene going to partner with? And Lafayette?

And most importantly, how do we get Eric and Pam back? They’ll have to be worried about new vamps Tara and Willa, right? Fearing for Ginger’s fate won’t cut it. I’m sure Ginger would be happy to feed both Eric and Pam, but can you imagine if Pam and Lafayette teamed up? That would be soundbite heaven. Perhaps Tara could ask Pam to make up for her absence by protecting Lafayette. Then again, Pam would be the logical choice to protect Sookie — she’s old and powerful but hasn’t slept with her like Bill and Eric have.

Your turn. What did you think of the finale, and what are your hopes for season 7? We’ll be speaking with True Blood showrunner Brian Buckner on Tuesday afternoon. If you have a burning question, ask it below.

Episode Recaps

True Blood, Anna Paquin, ... | In the season 3 finale, vampire Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) made Bill confess to Sookie — who can't read vampire minds — that he let her…
True Blood

Sookie, Bill, Eric, Lafayette, Sam and the other residents Bon Temps deal with vampires, werewolves, fairies, and shape-shifters—not to mention romance and drama

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