True Blood recap: Vamp Camp
Just when we’re getting some momentum, the werewolves, the shifters, and/or Terry are there to slow an episode down. Still, this could be my favorite episode of the season so far.
We picked up with Sookie on the couch with Warlow, telling him that she had a ball of vampire-killing fairy light held to his head. He insisted he wasn’t there to scare her or hurt her: She’s his “intended,” and he’s roamed this earth for a millennia in misery and solitude dreaming about finding her. Let’s take a moment and think about Anna Paquin having to act out that verbal tiff, pretending to hold a ball of light as she paraded around in a bra and panty set and heels. Warlow said he loves her. If that’s the case, she wants to know why he killed her parents.
Speaking of murder, cut to Jessica still crying over draining the Bellefleur Fairy Four. Whoa! She kissed Bill while hugging him and apologizing. He pulled her off of him — fairy blood makes vampires high, remember.
According to Warlow, the night Sookie’s parents died, they were trying to kill her and he saved her. “Bulls—,” she said, and punched him with the hand holding the light. Bill felt it, too, and he had quick flashbacks to what I correctly assumed was Lilith making Warlow a vampire and him leading her to the sun. While Bill told Jessica to sleep it off in her room, we watched Warlow heal where Sookie had struck him and get another piece of her mind. No vampire is going to own her, blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard this all before. Bill burst in, and Sookie assumed he was there to try to save her. Nope. Warlow said if Bill was the one who’d been harassing Sookie he best leave before Warlow kills him. “You already have,” Bilith said. “As your maker, I command you: Come with me.” And off Warlow went with him. They must not have gone straight home: Over at Bill’s, Jessica hid when Andy arrived. One of the four girls — #4, I believe — was still alive. He carried her out.
Tara told Eric that the vampire cops had taken Pam, and his plan wasn’t to put on a shirt underneath his jacket (thank god); it was for the two of them to surrender. Pam was already being escorted through the camp, seeing the experiments that included fang extraction and speed tests — both running in a large wheel and f—ing. “Care to explain the scientific value of this?” she asked her guard. Let’s have Eric do that one, please. It’s been a few seasons since we’ve seen it.
NEXT: Warlow is unlucky, Jason gets lucky
Gov. Burrell was also on his way to the camp, after he convinced Sarah Newlin that he had to be the one to escort Willa there. She tried to tell him that like her sister and Steve, Willa is gone now that she’s a vampire, but he won’t believe that. She told him she wanted to have a baby with him and all he had to do was put a ring on it. He’s not ready to talk about replacing Willa or marrying her, even though when Sarah came to him and offered him her money, connections, and love, he said nothing would separate them. As he left the bedroom, Sarah scolded him for taking her for granted like Steve had. “When a woman comes to you in black lingerie, you unwrap her.” Ha!
Bill had taken Warlow to his underground research lab. Warlow wanted to know how Bill could command him to do things and Bill explained that he drank Lilith’s blood, she’s a part of him, he has her memories, and now he’s one of her prophets. Bilith told him to resist the urge to try to kill him and to stay put. While he extracted some of his blood, we got a flashback to 3500 B.C.
After asking Niall’s mother when she was due, Ben went to get water. It must have been a hell of a long walk to the river, because it was pitch black when naked Lilith appeared. She sped over to Ben, circled him while wondering what he was and smelling him, and ripped off his man-skirt and mounted him where he stood. She scratched his back and tasted him. “God spoke to me of a creature like you. You are destined to save vampire-kind,” she said. Then she bit his neck. Warlow told Bilith she’d turned him into something he despised. Bilith said it was their salvation.
Sarah was waiting outside Jason’s house when he arrived home. I was expecting her to just open her coat and let him unwrap her, but she wanted to talk first. She said she had a new calling and a new powerful man, and Jason was happy for her since Steve turned out to be a gay vampire. Jason’s attention span didn’t seem like it could last for her full monologue, but she got his attention when she said she’d failed him: She’d let her broken heart after he’d wronged her stop her from saving his soul. “Listen here, you always seemed like a nice lady, behind the crazy and the hate,” Jason said. “But I ain’t the same dumb kid you met at the Fellowship.” No, he’s a man who just had a blood-lust dream about Warlow. So he took the bait when she said, “Jason Stackhouse, I’ve never felt more holy than when I was with you. And I truly believe God wants me to f— you.” Cut to them in Jason’s bed. “How’s God feelin’ now?” he asked her. “Righteous,” she said. And heterosexual, Jason added.
NEXT: Vamp Camp gen pop grows
While Andy took his girl back to the office and had her drink vampire blood from an evidence box (whose?), Alcide approached a lady at a bar called The Unfriendly Possum. She thought he was looking for some action — not someone — and was going to charge him $50 for an hour. Lady, YOU pay HIM. She hadn’t seen Sam, Nicole and Emma. Alcide tried to ask a man at the bar for info., but nope, apparently backwoods wolves don’t trust city wolves. Alcide’s father explained that to him before they got into a fight over why Alcide was trying to find Emma. Was it because he believed it was the right thing to do, or because he’s trying to impress the lady running his life? Alcide’s his own man and his own wolf, and to prove it, he told Jackson to get out of his life and threw traveling money on him like he was a hooker. You suck, Alcide. But you still look hot.
Eric and Tara arrived at Vamp Camp, and Eric told Tara to find Pam. Meanwhile, naked Jason got woken up by Jessica pounding on his door. She didn’t know where else to go. She was still freaking out about what she’d done and trying to figure out why God wouldn’t just strike her down. Is Bill God, or has she been serving the devil? She wanted to know if Jason had ever loved her. At times, he said. What had he loved about her? “I don’t know. Everything, I guess. Your heart, most of all,” he said. Ah, there’s the disarmingly sweet and honest Jason we keep coming back for (in addition to those abs and ass). Jessica said she needed to be put someplace where she won’t be tempted to sin, which Jason was making her want to do. Well, she got her wish. Sarah had called the LAVTF, and they took “demon whore” Jessica away after she and Sarah exchanged words during a homoerotic hair-pulling catfight that Jason probably would’ve enjoyed in an earlier season of the show. “My body is a f—in’ temple,” Sarah told Jason, “and you have defiled it with your vampire-lovin’ pecker.” Hate her, love her dialogue.
At the Camp, Eric was led into a circular room with three other vamps. They stood on marks, and three blue tennis balls were dropped. Whichever vampire didn’t snag one got shot. Then two tennis balls, and a shot. And then it was down to Eric and a woman. Panels in the wall opened up giving them access to guns. Eric shot her first. He walked into men’s gen pop with a number 1 on his chest. So that was a ranking system. He asked the men if anyone had seen Pam. No one answered him. They just moved out of his way. I hope Eric doesn’t have to wear those prison blues for long. Zero heavage.
Pam, who also has a 1 on her shirt (obviously), was with a psychiatrist, Finn (played by Pruitt Taylor Vince), who told her if she didn’t lie down on the couch now, the guns pointed at her would fire. Her hair and makeup looked great, right? Natural. “Hold the f— up, am I in therapy?” she asked, jumping back up. She’s not going to talk about her feelings. She wanted to go to the other room and f—. But the “copulation study” is for level 3s, Finn told her. She’s a level 1. Their interest in her is more intellectual. They want to know how she thinks. If she answers questions in a way that he deems truthful, she will be rewarded with their LDP, Living Donor Program. If not, it’s watered down Tru Blood. Pam told him to bring her a donor — female. She told Finn she cared more about the life of the tuna fish he reeked of than him. She got to feed on Somchai.
NEXT: Terry and Sam get some screen time
Sookie showed up at Merlotte’s. Ah, Lafayette, called it: “Well hey there, Sugar Boo Boo. Now what is you doin’ here at your place of work because I know it ain’t work.” She told him about Warlow, and that she kinda believed him when he said he loved her. She needs to find her way back to the truth, and she needs Lafayette’s help to do it. Does that mean she wants him to contact her dead parents? (Of course.)
Also to be filed under bad ideas: Terry invited an old Marine acquaintance he hadn’t talked to in years to Merlotte’s to ask him to kill him because he can’t do it himself and he deserves to die. The guy agreed to do it. Terry asked for a few days to get his affairs in order and said then, he just doesn’t want to know when it’s going to happen. At this point, I’d be fine if likable Terry died. SO TIRED OF THIS STORY ARC.
I am, however, happy to see Holly and Andy back together. She stopped him from going off to kill Bill after his daughter told him about Bill doing experiments on their blood and Jessica attacking them. Holly knew Bill would kill Andy, and the “fairy girl” would have no one. She vowed they’d get Andy through this.
Nicole woke up in the hotel room with Sam and was miserable. I’m not sure if his apology about having had too much to drink the night before was him saying he was sorry for sleeping with her or not being able to sleep with her. Either way, she now knows what it’s like to be a shifter — hiding, running, fearing for your life. He said he’d figure a way out for them. She doesn’t have faith in him.
Jessica was led into female gen pop. She’s a No. 2,and uh-oh, Tara’s a No. 3. Jessica is still high on the fairy blood and convinced she’s evil. Because even though the hunger inside her is never going away, she could have chosen not to kill those girls. Maybe vampire-kind doesn’t deserve to be saved, she said. So, she’s going to sacrifice herself to save someone, right? That’s where we’re headed?
Pam had clearly been sharing a lot in Finn’s office because she turned down another drink from Somchai because she was feeling a bit full. She’d been talking about vampire nests and how vampires don’t feel remorse killing other vamps unless it’s their maker. It’s dangerous for her to tell them about Eric, I thought. She didn’t name him, but she insisted that while it hurt her when he released her, he no longer means anything to her because vampires have to get over loss and grief — pain is a worthless emotion to have for centuries. Finn said he wasn’t sure he believed her: Oh crap, what if he wants to run an experiment? (Of course, he does.)
Nicole wanted to call her parents, but Sam stopped her. Her parents knowing she’s alive would just put them in danger. Jackson saw them arguing outside by the payphone. Uh oh/who cares.
NEXT: Pam and Sookie have serious daddy issues
Back inside Vamp Camp, Jessica didn’t want her blood ration and the other ladies were prepared to jump Tara for it. A No. 1 told them to cool it, and they all dispersed. Now that No. 1 thinks Tara and Jessica owe her. Willa called out to Tara as she was being led to a VIP room by a guard who said he’s made friends with many she-vamps: “Kinda like I scratch your back, you lick my balls.” The guard doesn’t think Willa’s dad will care what he said when she tells him. Oh, I think he will, sir. Willa doesn’t have a level on her shirt. Perhaps she’ll be spared from experiments.
While Jason prepared to join the LAVTF to save Jessica, Sookie and Lafayette set up in her dining room to ask her parents, Corbett and Michelle, what happened the night they died. Lafayette couldn’t make out what they were saying, so Sookie read his mind and saw how Warlow had calmly visited them in their dining room that night and explained Sookie was a fairy. He said he had been promised her, and that when she was of age, he’d come back for her, make her a vampire-fairy too, and keep her safe for eternity. Then her father put Sookie in the car to go kill her because he didn’t want that to happen to her. Her mother would rather Sookie live forever than die, but she got in the car to say goodbye.
Sookie’s father took over Lafayette’s body and tried to explain that he loved her, even though Sookie didn’t think that was love. Believing Warlow had gotten to Sookie, he bound her and put her in the trunk of a car. Maybe you should’ve zapped him with your fairy light before he grabbed you, Sookie? She couldn’t stop him? Really?
So now I’m rooting for Warlow to save her. Which means he has to get out of his cell. He took Prof. Hido Takahashi hostage and told Bilith he’d kill him. Because of Bilith, he’d killed a lot of innocents, including his village. Apparently Lilith had told him he couldn’t return to it, but he did in 3496 BC. He hugged his father, and smelled him. His fangs popped out. Niall’s mother told him to stay inside his hut. The massacre started. And when it ended, Warlow saw Niall and let him live. He went back to a cave where Lilith was sleeping, used his fairy light to blow a hole in the wall and let sunlight in to fry her. Bilith needs Warlow to avoid extinction but Warlow wants vampires to become extinct. Does he really mean all of them or just ones like Bilith? Do we like Warlow or not like Warlow? HELP!
Back at the Camp, Sarah led the governor into a viewing room where Steve and others were waiting. They could all see into the circular room, where Eric was escorted. Eric and the governor exchanged “f— you”s, and Eric seemed genuinely shocked that the governor had incarcerated Willa. They gave Eric a stake, and he asked for something to kill. We all knew who’d enter, right? PAM. Steve provided the intel. Finn was there, too, and told Pam to show him how little Eric meant to her. They just stood there. “Haven’t you seen Gladiator? F—in’ fight,” Sarah barked.
Sookie’s dad walked her to the river. That night, years ago, he’d put NyQuil in her juice. She was out cold and never would have known. Now she was kicking and screaming and pleading for her life as he dunked her head in the water to drown her. That’s gotta be worse to film than the underwear fight, right?
Your turn. What did you think of the episode? Where do you stand on Warlow now?
Sookie, Bill, Eric, Lafayette, Sam and the other residents Bon Temps deal with vampires, werewolves, fairies, and shape-shifters—not to mention romance and drama