True Blood recap: 'You're No Good' recap (season 6, episode 3)

True Blood, if I didn’t have to recap you, I might start fast-forwarding. It’s not that I’m flat-out hating any story line this season (unlike Season 5’s Ifrit, I trust Bilith will have a payoff). It’s just that inching along each hour is getting tiresome. And we’re only in week 3. Thank god for Eric. Let’s start there.

We began by watching Eric kneeling in front of Willa Burrell, the governor’s daughter, in her bedroom. I interviewed that actress, Amelia Rose Blaire, before the season began, and she said all her friends wanted to know when she got cast on the show (of which she was already a huge fan) was if she got to meet Alexander Skarsgard. Oh, my, did she. Eric’s original plan, he informed Willa while grabbing her at her lady center, was to “tear you apart, right down here.” He wanted her father to suffer when he found her dead body. As Eric lowered his head, Willa somehow managed to speak and told him that killing her wouldn’t stop her father, but she knows things about the experiments he’s doing on vampires that might be useful. You know, Willa, I would have waited a few more seconds to interrupt him.

Meanwhile, at Bill’s place, Jessica pestered him enough that he had to tell her that SHE was one of the vampires he saw burning in the sun in his vision of the future. Bill promised he would stop it.

Back at Sookie’s house, she was in her bedroom practicing channeling her ball of light, while Jason and Niall were on Warlow watch in the living room. As Jason excused himself to take some narcotics that Lafayette left in the kitchen cupboard, Niall sensed that Warlow was near. Niall wanted Sookie to stay inside the house, but when Jason collapsed outside, Sookie went to him.

Once Jason was safe inside (“Did I get him?” — ha!), Niall said he was going to take the fight to Warlow because he was tired of waiting around. Sookie asked what we’ve all been wondering: Why does Warlow have such a hard on for her, when there are other better fairies out there? The answer was kinda weak: It’s because her blood is royal. There has to be more to it, right?

NEXT: Willa talks

Eric showed up at Fangtasia with Willa in tow. Pam naturally wanted her to die immediately, after what the governor had taken from her. Tara, however, just wanted Willa to be returned safely so as not to poke the papa bear further. Eric said Willa had information he needed. While Pam and Tara packed up what little there was left to take with them when they bolted Fangtasia for good, Eric began his interrogation. Willa said there was no need to glamour her — she hates what her father is doing as much as Eric does and wants to help him. She said money meant for the highway system was instead used to build a camp that was part prison and part research facility. The vamps that are getting arrested are being taken there. She doesn’t know where the vamp camp is. (Cut to the arrival of a new inmate: Steve Newlin.)

Eric tried to tell Pam that Fangtasia was just a bar. “Not even you believe that,” she said, forcing Eric to look back over his shoulder at his throne (where he first met Sookie). Pam was still pushing for Willa’s death, but Eric, as always, is thinking big picture: They have nothing to negotiate with but Willa. She went with them as leverage.

Over at Sam’s place, he and Lafayette woke up to hear Nicole and her boyfriend Jesse. The Vampire Unity Society had moved them inside after the fight with Alcide and the wolves. Lafayette tried to warn them, especially Jesse, that they should erase whatever they’d heard about werewolves that night. They really should’ve listened. Sensing that Sam has a soft spot for Nicole to go along with the soft voice he used with her, Lafayette told Sam that Nicole would be trouble for him. Sam said she’d have to get in line. But Nicole was right about one thing, Lafayette argued: Everyone needs helps. And since Sam has always been good to Lafayette, Lafayette is in this whether Sam wants him to be or not.

When Eric or Pam needs help, you know who they call: Ginger. That was a great scene, Ginger thinking Eric showed up at her house for their long-awaited sleepover. Of course, once she let him in, she had to open the door for Pam, Tara, and Willa. “Does this mean we’re not f—in’?” Ginger asked. Can’t blame a girl for trying! We all heard it: Eric promised that it WILL happen. Why do I feel like Ginger is going to die before it does? Eric insisted that Willa sleep with him in the coffin they kept at Ginger’s — because he didn’t trust that Pam wouldn’t kill her. Pam and Tara shared the underground cubby.

It was nearly daylight, which meant it was time for Bill to test his theory that he is now invincible as Lilith’s prophet and able to stand in the sun. After all, it’d been sunny when they’d spoken in No Place. Jessica pleaded with him not to do it, but he did. And he fried. Honestly, if Lilith’s plan means so damn much to her, you think she’d spell it out for Bill. There’s no reason why she shouldn’t, right? Ugh.

From there, we caught up with Niall at the field that’s home to the fairy Moulin Rouge. When Niall entered, he found the club blood-soaked. He put his hand over the splatter and could hear the screams. Then he saw everything from Warlow’s perspective. He heard whimpering and found Claude still breathing. After confirming it was a vampire who somehow made his way inside the club, Niall sent Claude “home.”

NEXT: Jason’s still not going to the hospital

Back home at Sookie’s, Jason was recuperating in her bed, still apparently keeping his gun down his pants. Sookie wanted to take him to the hospital — YES! — but he said this is just another in the long lines of concussions he’s had in his life. YES, AND THAT’S A PROBLEM. SOOKIE SHOULD KNOW THIS. Jason said he must be feeling better because the hallucinations have stopped. He told Sookie he felt guilty for making their parents racist in them, and she told him that their parents weren’t as perfect as he remembered. Their mother, for instance, was scared of Sookie until the day she died. It was nice to hear Jason acknowledge that Sookie is smarter than him. (And it was kind that she deflected the comment and said it’s just because she’s had fewer concussions.)

We saw Andy and his deputy unpacking their new anti-vampire gear, including the weapons and contact lenses. Holly came to the station to complain about vampires scratching on the doors and windows of her hotel room all night and scaring her and the boys. (That would be horrifying, unless it was, like, David Arquette in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer movie.) Andy’s four daughters were there, now looking like tweens. He hasn’t named them yet. He’s just calling them by numbers.

We next saw Rikki running through the woods beating a police car back to Martha’s place. She and Alcide tried to tell the cops that Martha had emphysema and was sleeping, but they wouldn’t leave until they got to ask her about Emma. Emma had refused to shift, but as Martha went outside to cough her way through her chat with the cops, Rikki threatened Emma. When the cops came inside for a look, they found Rikki sitting with puppy Emma and left. It’s interesting: I want to hate Rikki, but the reason she wasn’t with Alcide and the others at Sam’s place is because she was against them taking Emma. She believes the cops are close to figuring out there are werewolves and shifters, and once they do, they’ll do the same thing to them as they’re doing to the vamps. (So, okay, she’s not exactly thinking of Emma, or Luna’s final wishes.) Rikki thinks Alcide is inviting trouble by taking in Emma. But Alcide said Emma is parent-less thanks to him, and she’s a member of the pack. Martha told Rikki to bow to Alcide. This story line is losing me: As hot as Alcide is, I would never bow to him. Pack or no pack.

Doing a 180, we cut back to a man who does know how to treat a lady — Andy. Yes, I just typed that. He was giving Holly target practice so she could defend herself against the vamps. His girls were there, too, and one hit a target before Holly could. “Hand lasers off,” Andy barked. Once Holly fired a good shot, one of the daughters said she could tell Andy what Holly was thinking. “Out of my head, No. 3,” Holly shouted. Now here’s the heart of the scene: Andy had taken her to a field that he and Terry had considered their sanctuary growing up and named Fort Bellefleur. He told her they don’t ever have to get naked together again, but he’d like to be her safe place, her Fort Bellefleur, when she’s read to forgive him. Holly’s softening, but for now she just wants firearm lessons.

NEXT: Willa’s finger meets Eric’s mouth

Now for the best scene of the episode: In the coffin with Eric, Willa took the tape off her mouth and tried to wake Eric with, “Mister. Mister. Mister.” She wanted to talk, she said, to distract herself from thinking about what little time she had to live. She told him how her mother had an affair with a vampire who owns a bar in Hollywood like Eric’s. “There’s only one Fangtasia, Willa,” he said. Correct. Willa had wanted to live out there with them, but her dad had vetoed it.

Eric thought she was telling him this to prove she’s like her mommy and likes vamps. She does, she said. Very much. Oh Willa, do not try to seduce Eric. He is so beyond you. Willa saw that Eric had the bleeds and touched his face. Before she could lick the blood off her finger, Eric stopped her. He said he couldn’t let her do that. Why? I’d like to see those sex dreams, please, and the show could use them. Instead, Eric put her finger in his mouth and licked his blood off of it. That’s the best Eric moment in AGES. “Now put your tape back on,” Eric told her. And like the rest of us, she was breathless. Rewind!

We cut outside to see Ben arrive at the fairy field just as Niall came walking out of the club. Apparently it took Ben an extra day to find this place. Once Niall figured out Ben was part fairy, he was awfully chatty and told him how he’d hunted Warlow across the centuries. Ben figured out Niall was the fairy king and bowed. Niall had intended to build an army at the club to fight Warlow, but Ben will have to do now. He’s happy to repay Sookie’s kindness and fight on her behalf. Though he wasn’t sure Sookie would be happy to see him.

Jessica convinced Bill to let her help him save everyone, and he told her to go fetch the professor who is credited with essentially creating Tru Blood. He told her to dress inappropriately, and so she did — like a naughty schoolgirl, who wanted private tutoring in organic chemistry.

I’d say the reunion of Sarah and Steve Newlin was the second best scene of the episode. It was a jolt of fresh energy, and the actors clearly have a good time playing off each other. Steve thought she had shown up to save him. “Oh, that’s good. You’re funny as a vampire,” she quipped. She was hurt and embarrassed after he disappeared with their friends and their money. She’d written a bestseller, and now she’s a politician because she learned you can affect more change in politics than you can from the pulpit. She told him the camp was everything the Fellowship of the Sun used to dream about — a way to eradicate the vampire race. The doctor came back in and was prepared to torture Steve to find out everything he knows about Eric, but no need: Steve is ready to sing.

Back at Sookie’s, there was a knock at the door. It was Bill. He told her he needed her help, and if she doesn’t give it to him, Tara and the other vamps will die. She refused to invite him in, but he came in anyway. Another new power. Sookie called for Jason. I suppose it was a reflex, but she should have known she was only setting Jason up to fail. Bill pinned him against the wall with his mind. In the kitchen, Bill explained that he wants some of Sookie’s blood so he can synthesize it. This conversation did not go well: “You’re not god, Bill. You’re just an asshole,” she said. To his credit, he did leave when she said if she’d ever meant anything to him, he’d go. Of course, he also said she’s now dead to him. She’s fine with that. When he left, Jason dropped from the wall and rolled down the stairs. SERIOUSLY, TAKE THIS GUY TO THE HOSPITAL.

NEXT: VUS loses some members

Nicole, Jesse, and two other Vampire Unity Society members went to see the wolf pack, which had to be the dumbest move EVER. An owl we’d seen earlier was still there, so if you hadn’t already guessed it was Sam, you did now. As you’d expect, the wolves wanted nothing to do with VUS. Alcide just wanted to take their cameras, which had pictures of Emma on them, and send them on their way, but Rikki and Jesse got into a verbal tiff that then turned physical. She shifted, as did other wolves, and I think everyone but Nicole got themselves mauled to death. Nicole ran, and I assume it was wolf Alcide who stopped her from getting dead. Sam had shifted back into human form and got Emma out of the house she was being kept in. Instead of running away, he told Emma they had to help Nicole. 1.) Where was Lafayette? 2.) Lafayette was right: She is trouble.

Over at Ginger’s, she answered Eric’s cell phone. It was the governor calling. Upon seeing Eric and Willa in the coffin together, Pam said it was like Sookie all over again. Eh, I think that long white lingerie was to remind us of Sookie’s first night with Bill, and make us think this could be the start of something oddly romantic with Willa and Eric. But it’s not. Though Willa told Eric her father would be tracing the call, Eric thought his phone was untraceable. He told Tara to stay with Willa and tape her mouth shut again while the others went into the other room and watched as Eric told the governor he was definitely going to kill Willa, he was just deciding how. The vampire hearing came into play: Eric heard one of the governor’s men say, “Got ‘em, sir,” so he knew they had traced the call and would be on their way there. And Tara overheard Eric’s plan to kill Willa, so Tara had taken Willa away. Go, Tara! I mean, Eric could probably kill her for that, but it’s nice that she’s sticking up for her own do-not-kill-innocent-humans beliefs. (Though couldn’t Pam just summon Tara back?) Anyway, Eric glamoured Ginger so she’d buy them some time.

When Ben arrived back at Sookie’s with Niall, Sookie was predictably pissy. Niall assumed it was Warlow who’d massacred the fairies at the club and had a vial of shiny blood from the scene. There are a few things they don’t know about Warlow, he said. Sookie wasn’t feeling hospitable, but when Ben offered to help her sweep up the plates Bill had broken, she warmed up a bit. She wondered why she could feel him reading her thoughts but not the other fairies. Wait, IS HE WARLOW? Is Warlow part fairy-part vampire? Is that how he managed to get into the club, and why Sookie can feel him reading her thoughts? He looks different from any other fairy we’ve seen on the show before. Could that be because he’s trying to get Sookie to fall for him? Discuss.

Niall broke up the romantic cleaning moment because he sensed someone outside. He zapped the person — and it was Nora. She’s looking for Warlow, so she’s been hanging around Sookie’s house apparently. Not a bad plan. When Sookie screamed because Jason had collapsed inside the house (AGAIN), Nora darted off. Niall followed her, and Ben went to help Sookie. Maybe NOW they’ll take Jason to a hospital?

The last scene of the episode involved Andy stopping “Vampire Bill” for violating curfew. Bill saw the stuffed animal in the front of the patrol car, and Andy told Bill he now has four daughters. It’s so sweet that Andy thinks Bill was being kind when he gave him the advice to enjoy the girls now because they’ll be out of his house soon. We knew from Bill’s smile that he’s thinking of kidnapping them so the professor can synthesize their blood.

As far as cliffhangers go, it’s not too exciting, unless we get a Raising Arizona homage. Fingers crossed.

Your turn. What did you think of the episode?